It's never too hard to find the words
The words to say to you
You make it so easy just to talk
The way we talk things through
You're never too tired to care
You're never too busy to just be there
And when I smile my feelings show
So everybody, everybody knows

Lookin back on d memory
of d dance v shared 'neath the starts above
I remember my frnd say-"lets jus go upto where those 2 girls r "

(He's a 10 pointer,these were lines he wasn't suppose 2 say)
and me say-"Let them be,theyr'e prob enjoyin,who r v to spoil d fun??"
Bt somehow,he vanishd and left to myself was I
No other option in sight,i sneaked into the merriment
twas jus the company i njoyed...

You say my bad times kicked off d day v talked,
bad times they were
Cleaning the room till 2 in d nite

With A+M written on my wall
was no fun at all
but never ever had i thought,
that those 2 words,or more as u said would carry us this far

you were surely the one who kept the strings intact
How else wud i hv known that there's somebody who keeps knockin on my backdoor
nd who remembers me
fr the chocolate i sumhow had to give
to any girl dat i cud see
how did i kno dat you'll be the 1 to drop by??

The trip we did take
nd many a smile did u fake
bt i didnt give up coz somehow i did feel
that sumday,it wud turn real
Real is it,i still dont kno
Coz how buffs smile isn't my expertise!!

You say i've crossed the line
bt everythin still seems so foggy
nd i wish i cud've more time
to see thru the real u

And2 see things the way u see

You make me feel funny
When you come around
Yeah that's what I found out
You make me feel happy
When I leave you behind
It plays on my mind now
What am I doing without you

Just wana tell u...
We got a little world of our own
I tell you things that no one else knows
I let you in where no-one else goes
i never kno why
And all of the things I've been looking for
Have always been here outside of my door
And all of the time I'm looking for something new
i never kno why

I wanna thank you for this smile
But I don't say this much
It's usually not my style
I was sleeping and yesterday
You gave my world a shakin'
My eyes are open wide

And even as i type ,
a song plays in the background
Maybe quoting it wud help me write further-
"I can't imagine any greater fear
Than waking up without you here
And though the sun would still shine on
My whole world would all be gone
But not for long

If I had to run
If I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers
Just to climb a thousand walls
Always know that I would find a way
To get to where you are
There's no place that far
It wouldn't matter why we're apart
Lonely months, two stubborn hearts
coincidently apt lines,they may be...
Srry fr dat short commercial break...

just wanna remind u once again-
"Softly the leaves of mem'ry would fall,
Slowly i'll gather nd pick em all..
Coz 2day,tomorow,nd till my life's thru,
I'll always cherish knwin some1 lyk u"

I often wonder why,
Someone as flawed as I
deserved to be written about
Funny how life can be so surprisin...
dunno hw the better angels of our nature
after a long fight with our inner demons
bring us back into our senses...

and make us see
things v never earlier beleive

Dunno hw 2 continue
bt its alwaz the best feelin
to see things from somebody's eyes...
to put it in words is the most difficult task...
Its the end of an year,
what unexpectdness lies ahead,nobody knows...
forgive me if i've said sumthin wrong all thru

hope i get the message through...


Isn't it simply great...as the world celebrates and parties,i'm typing away to glory...

The autumn leaves are falling
the church bells are ringing
the angels are singing
and the world is brimming
with joy and laughter

Another christmas comes by
and the children's grins are oh-so-shy
as they wait for santa in his sleigh to mistify,
their world which forever had seemed so dry

The christmas trees decorated pompously
and the brownies n puddings baked heartfully
the presents exchanged cheerfully
and the children playin gleafully
Gimme a reason to lose myself
in the spirit of the yuletide

People celebrating far and wide
transcending all boundaries and every tide
from this spirit nobody can hide
with this thread every soul is tied
On his reindeers ,santa would ride
and gift a smile to anyone who cried

While the shephards watched their flocks by night
they saw a bright new shining star
they heard a choir sing a song
the music seemed to come from afar
A King was born, the legend says
Jesus Christ was he,nobody else was at par

The reaths at every door hanging,
The cribs and the bells so invigorating
tell the tale of times fascinating
and the Krismukkah festivities neverending

On this auspicious day I feel
my soul blessed wih ultimate zeel
To offer my prayer i kneel
my spirit ,i hope,He would heal
In the pain of my silent revery i reel
Would the angels take me to a place so real??

And as everyone gets into hues red and white
i lie emotionless in my sleepless slumber
Ain't there anybody who just might
knock on my door and show me that light??
the love that would feel so right
and releive me from this sorrowful plight

A silent night,a star above
a blessed gift of hope and love
Joyous songs & christmas cheer
the spirit of yuletide is everywhere
"Bah!Humbug!!"-I would still jeer
coz i'm alone and nobody's near...


Another of my lame attempts at poetry ...It seems now i'm gonna break all the records of writing most number of crap poems within 2 months...Bt still if u find sumthin gud,don't hesitate to encourage me to go on and break dat record!!!

In the morning full of sunshine
he wakes up to the sound of birds chirping
For every touch of the autumn winds felt so fine
he had no reason at all to be complaining

But compelled was he
To interpret those dreams
which in his slumber had made him see
valleys of flowers,snowy cliffs,fruit laden trees,
all things bright and beautiful,and free,
and flowing from the mountains ,evergreen streams

The moon so pretty
and beyond the sun brightly shining,
the oceans so mighty
and creatures great and small whining

He wonders why he can't be there
where the skies are blue and the fields are green
He wonders why dreams are never true
And why there ain't memories and moments so serene

Why the river always flows to the sea
Even though he's thirsty and broken
Can't neone see??
Or to wash away the tears with which his feet are sodden
as he fought for things never meant to be

With craziness perplexed
He sees new hope in every dawn
But he still feels vexed
coz in life's cruel game,he's just a meaningless pawn...

Angel!!(copyright-shubham khurana)

I don't usually do it..but there's a first time for everything...I read this beautiful poem on shubham's blog and just fell in luv with it...nd somehow it also best describes my position(rather disposition)...i cudn't hv put it in better words....so here i am copyin the entire thing...well shubhi dude,i'm ready to face the gallows fr copyright infringement,but i can't keep myself frm puttin up ur creation here...But u can also consider it a free publicity...with all due respects to the masterpeice,here it goes...

"A canvas, so lifeless,
An artist, so lone,
An angel, he painted,
An angel of his own.

On the creation, he smiled,
His heart no longer at strife,
The last stroke of his brush,
And the angel came to life.

She gave him a world to live,
Emotions to feel,
She gave him a life to love,
Also wounds to heal.

A friend to rely on,
She gave him joys to share,
Times of his sorrow,
She always was there.

A smile on his lips,
Countless tears in his eyes,
Every feeling to remind him,
Yes he still survives.

She gave him a reason to sleep,
And a day to wake up to,
A kiss to set him ablaze,
Some magic her embrace could do.

Everyday he used to paint,
In blues and reds and yellows,
The colours of life,
Of love and sadness and mellows.

Till the day she became too real,
She had to be set free,
To teach the world to love,
And left to himself was he."


Everybody's in love...

It was another normal day of the autumn semester break,when frustated IITians from all over the country decided to hang out at the colonial times' splendour -our very own CP.And when i say IITians frm all over the country ,i literally mean it,coz there were ppl frm as near as IIT Delhi,our very own IIT roorkee,IIT Kharagpur, to as far as IIT Guwahti...Yeah ,it was our fiitjee batch reunion which keeps taking place after every gruelling sem ends and every dilliwala is back here ...

We had decided to catch up at PVR Plaza ,although none of us was in a mood to watch a movie...I was travelling in the metro after more than 2 months ,with my earphones tugged properly ,blaring out the sweet voice of the chirpy RJs...After much time, i saw many beatiful maiden around me,but nah!! i reminded myself of my vow-staying away frm girlz fr some time now,though i know i wont beable to keep it fr too long..As usual ,i was the first to reach and instead of waiting fr others just idling around ,i entered a nearby music world store,after i had given up a call to every1 to rush up.After making sure that Westlife's new album had reached Indian shores,i browsed some other english music cd's...As every1 showed up one by one,we talked for a while(the usual IIT bakar,the gruelling end sems,and the sex-ratio frustation..) and then made our way to the nearest Pizza hut to have that usual pizza...After taking about half an hour or so deciding an ideal order so that we could eat well and still end up walking out without having to wash dishes ,we called up the by-now frustrated waitress(wer'e IITians,we take our frustrationwherever we go...) and ordered 2 meals for 2,and asked her to swap the soups with cold-drinks...we were taken aback as the chinky-eyed waitress replied in her typical accent-"we have lots of soups ,and they are very tasty...so we can't swap the soups!!!"Whoa,what a reason for not being able to swap those fucked up soups with the universal coke...Whatever,we sat again and put our IIT brains at work once again to decide something out of the box...only to come up with 2 familysized pizzas...We ate ,talked a lot about our very similar schedules(this is india-unity in diversity,remember???),about our similarly screwed up end sems,and many other useless things...We went out of the place after 4 girls had just rung the pizza hut bell,and heard almost equally enthu and polite "thank you's" frm thestaff...and expecting to get the same treatment ,we guyz also rung the bell one after the another...and by the end of it,we were standingoutside the door,asking each other,"Hey,didu hear any thank you's??" ...Every1 of us had a good laugh...lets face it,we were a group of guyz,and who cares to answer 5 assholes ringing the bell !!!We strolled for some more time at cp,wondering about unusual things,and throwing that occasional curse on the punk with a beatifulgirl tugging at his sleeve every now and then ...

I thought the day 's gonna be over widout anything eventful happening and just as me,along wid kunal and anirudh made our way to themetro station,kunal somehow jumped and wid a slow whisper ,said-"Look ,rastogi !!"(rastogi'z one of my best frnds btw) I turned aroundand almost spun 360 deg in an effort to locate wat kunal had just seen...and finally saw him on the escalator going up ,while we were going down...But the thing that amazed me and kunal was that he wasn't alone...rather looked really absorbed conversingwith this girl we didn't know....i mean ,i didn't know how to react coz he's the kinda guy who wudn't come to ur b'day bash if u told hima girl is coming,and would not say a single word to a girl until just a few months ago...But now a seat in IIT D had changed im to the extent that when i called up to him and wanted to talk,he simply said-"We'll talk later ,main ghoomke aata hun..."Even as kunal laughed,i was hurt ( wat wud u do if ur best frnd ignores u fr a girl!!)...and we suddenly started talking about how this guy had been transforming frm a no-holds barred teatoddler and anti-girly to a completely abnormally normal "delhi"guy -mostly seen around with girls!!Suddenly ,the topic of our conversation shifted to girlz...with anirudhh baba commenting-"yaar dont u think girls become too seriousabout every relationship...if u wanna go around with em,they would straightaway think of marriage,they would get senti on every issue,suddenly become too frank to tell ya about all da probs at home...and blah blah blah..."That was enough"pravachan "for the day...But he continued.."i had such an experience this year,and i had to dump her..." ,and the usual boastful self kunal ,chipping in withhis,"hey ,i dumped one too becoz of the same reason....",and even though as i knew it was coming,they both looked at me suddenly,askin ,"what about u"...and me not wantin to talk abt the subject ..."yeah...maybe....well...mite be...i dont know...",and the 2 laughingheartily,"poor you ,not had the experience till yet..."(hehe very funny...),and the topic dragged on till i reached my station...

I waz wondering once again..."
why was i chosen ,
why am i left without??"

As the old leaves fall in the autumn,
love is blooming on the barren trees...
And as i watch all this happening outside my window
I feel everybody BUT me...
seems to be so in love...

I'll Be There For You...

This is for every1 and any1 who has bin there fr me,and will always be there,and fr those who matter.....

Someone sumwhere
is feeling lonely
Someone sumwhere
needs some company
Someone sumwhere
needs someone badly
But when it all gets too much...
You can put your head down
on my shoulder
for a little warmth
when it gets colder
I know ur'e there for me too
So i'll be there for you

When i needed some distance
to find another road
Coz its not so easy
to find another home
I was broken
and i knew it
But i just cudn't seem to find
another way
I'll be there for you now
As you had been till the end of the day..

There's a long road ahead
It stretches out for miles
If u need some company
I'll walk with you awhile
Your'e waiting for the change
Your'e waiting for the day
But now that you remember
I'll do whatever you say

I'll be there for you
i swear
Anytime you want me
i'll be there
Time and time again
Until you understand..

When u feel like crying
I'll be the tissue to wipe away ur tear
When u feel the need to talk
I'll be there to lend u an ear
I'll be your symphony
when ur'e surrounded by agony
and this world's cruel cacophony
I'll be your wastebox
when u feel the need to dump
all your pain and frustration
and in moments of triumph
I'll be the one to help u lift your trophy...

But just remember when it all gets too much...
You can put your head down
on my shoulder
for a little warmth
when it gets colder
I know ur'e there for me too
So i'll be there for you......

~~Memoirs of the 3rd Semester~~

The end of another sem,
another milestone achieved...
It all looks simple and straightforward,
Yet every other thing i'm gonna say
is intertwinned with so many other things
which i won't ...

This was the sem that finally brought us back
to the stinking halls of the E&C deptt...
to the wooden chairs of the big lecture rooms..
And all that ,after comfort of the DOMS sofas
after the relaxed periods of slumber in the posh and airy hall.
One which brought us to new faces(read proffs)
and even those that r gonna suck our bloods
for the next 3 yrs...
One which brough many a conspiracies to the fore...
one where we had lots to gossip about..
One which introduced us to "counter-strike"
and the endless addictive nights we spent
either planting or defusing bombs
until we never knew it was the next morning...

I dedicate this sem to "people"...
all kinds and classes of people...
and the endless hours of bakar...
To the old "friends" who've faded away sumhow...
to the "new" ones that've made their presence felt...
and to the ones that are still holding on...
To the small community that we've created at rjb...
To the people who gave me a new nickname-"aupsy"
after all those distressing nicknames i had to live with in 1st year
To the endless hours i spent at nesci...
(fr that i'll like to thank my mom,dad ,my paltu kutta tommy ...
Nahh!!!I just wanna thank shubhi and preeti...)
Even though my first year count stands at 5 hours
(can't beleive it ...well,even i can't!!)

To the endless hours i spent bickering away
on topics far more irrelevant
than any important work at hand...
To all the gf-bf talk that i found myself thrown in
and to all the matters which i made worse
(my orkut trusty ratings say it all..)
And not to forget to all the profs
who reduced my brain to a peice of shit
and who forced me to read sidney sheldons and P.G.Wodehouses
in more than a given lecture...

And today as i pack my bags
I strut em with more than the usual stuff...
I take home more than just the inseperable laptop and mouse....
I take home memories(for the first time at IITR)
of moments gone by ,words left unsaid ...
situations went awry and the friendships that went sore...
I take home ...
all the luck that ppl wished me dis sem...
all the night-outs and skipped breakfasts...
all the chapos that i was entitled to this sem(surprisingly though)...
all the endless hours spent writing endless codes of C++
with the orkut window minimized and regularly updated...
the endless no. of holidays that we got
and the endless bus journeys we took back home
and with that the endless no. of muvies
seen on the bus T.V.("balma" notwithstanding...;0)..)
the diwali celebrated pompously
with crackers and diyas and candles and a DJ(and a lost purse)...
the thomso that followed
and the hysteria that accompanied
the groves and moves of melange and salsa
the MTV cameo wid none other than Braocha
the 4 days of of dj
and all the new moves tried and tested
the expected and the unexpected companies
and the happy pictures painted....
The b'day bumps i got
and the pain in the ass that i can still feel
And finally...with the end sems that screwed us royally
everything feels just so real...

Not to forget all those things which i did fr the first time at iitr...
Of course the 3-0 clock sleeping schedule...
The try at being the next sampras
when i could hardly hit the tennis ball to the other side...
The endless hours spent watching "friends" and "O.C."
The life with braces
which left me(the erstwhile Mr. thomso finalist... ;o)...) in titters
and the target of more than just somebody's jeers
The childhood prayers sung at school and
now after a gap of 2 yrs sung at the church..
The endless no. of b'day wishes..

and now even a b'day gift!!

From all the things mentioned above
and everything that feels so great
i head back
to the city of lights...
the city of the metro swirling by...
my city...saddi dilli
To have my eternal brownie
and looking forward to all the unexpectedness
that lies ahead in the bewilderness...


I'm in a daze....or so to say....
Its almost the end of the ever-dreaded and endured end-sems ,though there's still 1 more to go,but having crossed the threshold of 4 back-2-back-ones seems to have given me a new energy...even though i'm feeling sleepy,a little pissed off but my hands are itching to put pen on paper (or fingers on keyboard...or...cut the crap)....Its just one of those when i'm imagining weird things and having blasts frm the past (Wat wud u expect a sleep -deprived person to do,have slept less than 10 hrs in the past 96(plz dont fascinate urself wid the peculiar shape this no. makes here nd howz it gonna be if the nos. are reversed...bals bals bals..) hrs and here i'm sitting at the cc typing away to glory...Nd it was jus one of the moments when u sit wid a fat book in ur hand ,pretending ur'e studying but actually thinkin of everything under the sun(or under the moon),that i was thinkin how nice it could've been if i cud treat maself to my fav . brownie wid choc ice-cream at the Baskin robbins(nt that we have one in this village called roorkee,bt how does it matter -i hv the advantage of being a "dilliwaala"!!)....nd forgetting the pain of my end-sems gone berserk wid that oh-so-yummy-thingy....when i just had a blast frm my "ice-cream past"...Nd i thot its sumthin interesting to narrate....So here's how it goes...

It was a day in the summer break when i suddenly felt sitting at home is takin a toll on me and instead of doin sweeping and washing in the absence of the house -maid,i shud've bin doin sumthin more productive,and hence i decided to proceed with the only plan at hand -a call center job!!!I looked up in the day's paper and as expected saw innumerable adverts,and one that particularly interested me was one in janakpuri D.C.,ya that's right ,the same suicide towers of delhi..(i wasn't ofcourse in a mood to explore greener pastures in far of places like south delhi)...i instantly made my resume with the all-helpful Microsoft word,and called up mr. kartik to ask if he shared me predicament at getting a summer job..Nd getting a partner-in-crime helped me make up my mind to go ahead...

I left home as soon as possible even as my father tried to stop me-"beta,mummy needs help and i have to go to work.."Do hell with the help,i had had enough of it already...
So me and my not -so-prepared (with a hand-written resume sticking out of his hands nd me commenting-"this is what ur'e gonaa give them ,huh???")and completely blank looking partner took a bus to the D.C.(strangely,we didn't know that even the metro was an available option...)
and a ended up all sweaty just in time fr the interview(after ofcourse a McVeggie nd pepsi),only to discover that we were supposed to be interviewed at a dingy ,dark place with no power !!(it looked more like a place to commit petty or even big time crimes or maybe the strangehold of one of the mafia's)...So we were there,being the first ones to be interviewed ,and being asked those expected questions like-"temme about urself" to which my very efficient friend replied-"i'm kartik" ..and the interviewer kept starin at him,expecting him to speak up some more of his divine words..I curbed my laughter wid a low smile..only to be asked myself-"describe me the events that u did yesterday"...as if i was the perfect party blooper and had so many things to gossip abt in ma life...i mean it was odd enough to describe her how i woke up in the morning,brushed my teeth and blah blah!!Gawd,i felt like a complete ass!!
But it was surprising when in the end,she offered us 3 companies,and volunteered to call us up after sumtime(never knew her sumtime woud be 2 months!!)
Happy and content,we went out of that dreary place called vishal tower(it was only in the evening that we came to know that a girl jumped off frm the same tower while we were being interviewed ...i guess she got fed up with our answers...lol!!!)....and since the hunger and thirst had returned back after the tiring(hehe...was it??) session ,we decided to have muffins and mocktails at Muffins etc. ...and volunteered to get back home after that ....Thankfully ,we even caught sight of the metro just as we were about to take an auto for a ride back...

When back,Kartik told me about this cool ice-cream parlour called Giani's which had just opened up at prashant vihar and we decided to check it out...and as we walked into the shop ,i told myself that i had already spent much and so i didn't intend to spend another penny!!As we took a good look at all the different kinds of ice-creams , the shopkeeper seemed to have got suddenly impatent at the sudden arrival of the 2 onlookers...and popped us the expected-"What would u like to have ,sir??" and we promptly echoed back="kuchh nahi!!"...What we heard in reply stirred us up a bit..."100 bucks sir!!" and we heard the sound of that billing machine coming into action (even it seemed to taunt us as we tried to make head of what the guy was upto!!)...
We protested ...."100 bucks for what ??"
And before even we could hear a reply ,the tender handed us a yummy-lookin never seen b4 kinda ice -cream...i wudn't have bothered a bit b4 putting my tongue on to that sweet ,sugary ic,but this time ,it wasn't just making sense...
We looked at each other ,then at the ice -cream(rather drooling over it) and then at the shopkeeper and echoed-"humne kaha tha hume kuchh nahi chhaiye!!".
He promptly replied -"to aapko humne kuchh nahi diya na sir!!"
And i was like-"then whats this???" pointing animatedly at the ice-cream in my hand.
The reply was -"Kuchh nahi!!"
Thouroughly irritated by now..."dude,u've just given me an ice -cream and cut a 100 bucks bill fr that ,and u say u havn't given me anything!!!"
He laughed ,the other guy laughed too,and many hotties in the vicinity laughed away too...i thought maybe i was loosing my mind becoz of the heat ,and pinched myself...but it was actually happening...
Then a voice called frm my behin to get me aware of my surroundings again,and pointed at a particular ice-cream ..I looked at the label and it read-"Kuchh nahi, Rs.100 "
Still not getting the hang of the peculiar name ,we joined in the laughter ,but then i managed to ask the guy-"why such a name???"
To which he promptly replied -"Sir,lotz of ppl like u come here just to see and not to taste ,and when we ask them what they would like to have ,we mostly get to hear -kuchh nahi...its becoz of dat we came out wid an innovaytive idea to have this special ice-cream...."

Nd that was the day i decided i will never say -"kuchh nahi" again in my life....Who knows i mite have to pay a fortune the next time....;o)

Keep smilin and keep singing-
"i scream ,u scream
We all scream for ice cream"

And now u know jus what i meant in this post-"kuchh nahi..."


Today as i lay in my bed,watching the rain and lost in wonderous thoughts about all the events of the past week(not that it was very eventful as i was in my room for most part of the week,down with cold...but i did suffer a few emotional setbacks as i usual do every once in a while)...i heard a familiar sound(shane of westlife),straight from my walkman(which is in my hands whenever such a situation arises...) ,singing out familar lines..

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you
Before it's too late...
And for the first time in my life ,i pressed the stop button on my fav. band...I have listened to them fr most part of my life now,and there words have liberated me frm all the deep sadness filled inside me...but for the first time, the words seemed shallow ...For the first time after many years,i suddenly felt the need for a friend...Even tears refused to drop out frm my numb eyes...and my brooding became stronger as time flew...

I realized that lately i've been trusting too many people very easily,and putting a lot at stake..i thought i needed to make ammends ,but if only somehow i could rewind time as easliy as the tape inside my walkman...
As i turn 19,i try to see back in time...these 18yrs have taught a lot of things to me at a very young age, and i curse my childhood which was mostly spent crying...when i was a baby ,i cried out of sadistic pleasure(its my way to understand the unstoppable wailing of babies),and as i grew up ,people around me made me cry at every little step that i took,and now that i'm into the last of my teens,i still cry,though tears fail me ,and thats the only difference...I've come a long way it seems!!

There are times when i look around and feel happy to see so many people surrounding me...but the harsh reality comes to the fore when they tell me how they actually feel about me...After almost a year and a half that i've spent in the hallowed portals of this cruel place called IITR,i've known many people...some have been really tough on me,and have been embarassing me publicly since then(though i dunno why!!).On the other hand there have been some people,who thought they could try a hand at social service by being particularly nice 2 me,but all the same ,even they think that i'm the crappiest piece of shit...It pains me to say that of all the above mentioned people (and any class that i omitted) ,i've been unable to make friends out of them..its always their shallow bodies that i've felt around me,not the warmth which i thought i deserved...God chose the allocation of hostels as my lesson,and i learnt it at once ,coz it was me ,with my loneliness sitting in the bhawan lawns,after all the people had mutually decided to go ahead with their groups without giving a head to it,and had divided the whole group into innumerable small parts ,and even as i tried to sew them together , i became the loose thread hanging out of the rug...That was the day ,i confess ,i tasted the sweet vodka and felt the nice warmth it gave...Since that day,things have never looked good for me...and i woudn't have been writing this blog ,maybe i wudn't have lived,had i not had the affection of my "few" friends in delhi...

Once again after a pd of 4 yrs of easy going ,life has failed me.. Once again i feel the need to meet that one person who gave me a direction to live ,who told me that life's not worthless at a time when i was on the verge of a breakdown...

The one who smiled and the world around us seemed to fade away ...And the one who taught me how to smile even in the worst circumstances ...Th e one who inspired me to be all that i am today...the one who held my hand and taught me how to walk over burning coal and a bed of thorns...

The one who hugged me and gave me energy which i can feel even today..

"And so i say a little prayer....

And hope my dreams will take me there ...

Where the skies are blue

to see her once again

Over seas to coast to coast

To find a place to love the most

where the fields are green

To see her once again"(WESTLIFE-"my Love")

And so as i turn 19,i make a promise to myself...to live for that one person once again,and to let the whole world go to hell...my search fr friends ends here ,and i will never look forward to having neone in my life,coz i don't want to hurt myself anymore,i don't wanna break my heart into finer pieces..

I'll live on with whatever i have

This is a new beginning

To look for a deeper meaning

and until i land in london,my heart will go on....


I was sitting on a beach one summer day,thinkin abt all the small happenings which make life so spectacular..I was in a very retrospective mood as i watched the low tides of the Indian Ocean wash down the sand on the edge of the beach and the clear skies of Mauritius,with memories of its extinct Dodos obviously provided an excellent picture...

My eyes caught up with 2 children,a boy and a girl,working together,trying to make an elaborate sandcastle out of the slippery sand ,with intricate designs,they made windows ,doors,towers and finallya small moat around it...I was impressed and happy too to see the 2 of them enjoying and relishing every bit of their creation...it was their own idea of a dream castle and they had succesfully put it into a reality..

Just as they started to dance around the newly built sandcastle,a big wave frm the sea suddenly washed away all their hardwork ,reducing the beautiful castle to wet sand...I expected them to break down,start wailing anbd cribbing over the mass destruction of their hardwork...but instead ,they smiled,looked at each other ,held their hands ,and went on to start their creative work all over again....

It was only then that i realized a subtle fact of modern life...All the material possesions,all the tall buildings and all the so-called "prestige" that we spent so much time and energy building ,and for whiich we feel so proud ,are all made of sand...One day the tide will come and wash away all that we thought was forever,and when that happens,only the one who has someone's hand to hold ,will survive....

In a nutshell,material posessions are very lucrative and most of us spend most of the time in their hunt,but in the process we forget the value of the possesions of the heart,our relationships,our feelings,abt the someone special and about those who need us....

I hope all this will change for the good if all of us can realize the fact that making sandcastles isn't what we were sent on earth to do....


In recent times,I've seen myself in the midst of most ,if not all, controversies surrounding my well-wishing,or so it seems, group of friends...and with due humility ,i would say i'm the one accused for their sufferings or taken as an alibi for their whims and fancies, which often ,they find degrading to their prestige(as if i never had one of my own !!).Therefore, I've found myself quite a lot of times in my loneliness, musing over the thought:

How Can I change The World
Coz I sure Can't Change Ur Mind
There's a Miracle I need now
Gotta Get to You somehow

And coming to think of it ,my soul gets filled with a plethora of emotions .For someone,who's grown up welling tears for his parents,seeing them fighting ,biting and throwing things at each other ,and who's seen that emotion,that strange sodden feeling of hatred in their animated eyes,it's really tough to see the same anger in the people u love the most !!its rather scary sometimes...Makin new friends is not a child's play,but i guess u just need 1 bad shot to lose em !!Maybe i let my tongue do the wagging at all the wrong times,but with no intentions of letting it go for the worse...Still i'm at a loss to understand why people fight,coz i guess one only realizes this fact when one is faced with it.

A stranger reading this space may not find the exact reason for my musings or may even find it crappy,but i guess one's who know abt it already will make some sense of it..not that i expect the people that i have lost in my lives to come back and tell me -"letz forget what happened and turn a new leaf"!!
But i guess my objective is to bring to the fore the fact that fighting or just shying away frm people who luv yz doesn't do any good ,and doing so without knowing the actual reason for it,foolishness...Relationships aren't forged with pig iron,rather there's this underlying bond which just can't be broken however far the people in question are frm each other.I know it sounds just too philosophical ,but i guess i had to write about the thing which scares me the most since my very childhood,and maybe i will succeed someday in making atleast someone realize how hard it is too part ways with someone close to u ..be it ur famile,friend,ur love or whatever!!


This is something i wrote out of utter boredom ,sitting in a boring lecture ,not that lectures are usually very exciting,but this one was particularly drab.I just wrote what came to mind at the spur of the moment so plz bear with me for all the crap and the lack of rhyme in what i call a poem...

One soulful night
Lost in the woods
I walk down amidst the chirping crickets ,
under the gory gaze
of owls and predators of the night
And with every careful step,
every beat of the heart
I pray to the heavens to give me
all the strength that could ever be
To walk on the path laiden with thorns
until the beautiful morning dawns

Lost in more than an uncanny thought
with wild imaginations my mind is fraught
I stop to see a strange phenomenon
Under the clear sky
with the moonlight filtered
from the dense outgrowth of the mahogony
I see a starnge figure
as if emerging from nowhere
Alas!It was a maiden i saw
And for the world felt real and the fesh was raw
I knew what I had seen
Wasn't just a dream

Her beautiful body
shining more brightly
than even the Kohinoor ever did
With a sunny smile and starry eyes
she made me wonder
whether it was my way
or my heart that had gone astray
I reach out to her
as my heart melts like unfrozen butter
And as our eyes meet
my heart skips more than a beat

But as i drown myself
into her flowery bosom
And hope this moment never cease
It all begins to fade away
I feel the sky falling down over me
And the wet grass beneath my feet
thransform into nothingness
I can't help but see
As the soul so near to me
just a few ticks of the clock ago
now disappears into a thin shadow
and slide quietly into a nothingness

I struggle to hold on
As I lie in my ignominy
Motionless and shocked
Only to realize
That all we see or seem
Is nothing but a dream
within a dream


Hey people ,this is my first blog and before proceeding to nething imaginative and creative ,i would like to thank all the people in my life without whom i wud not have been what i am today...my friends,family members ,and neone i have known even for a day,this is what i want to tell u..

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

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