anything,everything.... for you...

Monday, December 1, 2008[photo courtesy: Nishi's blog]

A life that's hard enough
and a heart thats weak enough
it sometimes doesnt make sense
why they have to exist in a bluff
coz when one's squeezed out of the other
it wouldn't matter why...

To the cussed life its the heart that beats for it
To the lame heart, its the life that oozes out of it
This way they go on for years
trapped in a cauldron
that makes the life dry, and the heart bleed
makin it seem like a comedy of errors

It takes love to come by
for the life to learn to live
and the heart to learn to beat

The heart tells love i'll do everythin you want me to
The life says i wanna be a part of you
and each day they keep falling in love with love all the more
the truce is broken, enemy lines are drawn
to have their own happy endings and rewrite tales of yore

My heart and my life still fight
but when love asks me what I feel,
I say love
When it asks how I know, I say trust
But its never enough
coz I alwaz lose to the showy brilliance of my heart and my life.

Everytime I wanna tell you
That its every little thing you do
that makes me fall in love with you -
There isnt a way I can show you
ever since I've come to know you
And its every little thing you say
that makes my everyday
But there isnt a thing I can point to
maybe its every little thing you do

Its quite a fight to keep one's dreams alive
when the heart and life want to tear it in pieces,
in a million crossroads when there should be none
if only there were signs to show me what direction i should follow.
If i'm so deep in my wounds, maybe i'll be gone tomorrow
hey love, i dont want you to feel my sorrow
It'll be enough if you could pick up the pieces....pieces of me

You wont know my mind my love,
Not that it would ever make a difference
my heart and my life will never surrender
even if you take them away from me
but i promise they'll be with you till the end
they wont let you down

They'll fight for you now, together
with unflinching and undoubtable belief
They'll take you to your happy ending
and if i forget to be there,
i'll watch from afar..
and be glad that more than a part of me
could be a part of what was meant to be...


The sky seems silent today
With its thunder it once ruled
Even the sun looks bigger and bolder
its size only its proximity fooled

The world seems to move along
in lazy circles somewhere in the milky way
Its learnt the art of bluffing the innocent
with one side night and one side day

A world of fantasy makes us reel
hypnotizes us subtly into an innocuous slumber
feeding us with notions of a fake hysteria,a made up history, a promising future;
maybe a small nap for man,  for mankind its been a great plunder...

There's money, name and lots of fame
For the less unfortunate also a lot of shame
The movie seems splendid but they laugh at the director's face
isn't he just another actor in life's great game!!

painting dreams in a golden hue
with rose-tinted glasses and a black canvas
maybe there's more to life than chasing false dreams
or only as many races we can win for a medal of brass

We yearn to make it work,we pretend to live it true
caring not to scratch the surface for even a minute or two;
Moments in the film of life seem so colourful
developed in a room red, why do they all turn blue?


Its the end of the monsoon season ,with the clouds deserting the skies to give way to a sardonically smiling sun, leaving behind a strange "depression", and the beginning of a cruel month-log oppressive heat,as they call it. I sit by my window sill, a silent observer to nature's farewell to the pompous army of wispy white-silver blurbs that had invaded the skies only about a couple of months ago. The trees are bowed, all prepared to shed off the regal green costumes they'd been wearing for the annual play, still lookin fresh, nonetheless like a full grown adult whose just passed the prime of his life. A flock of birds move swiftly across the sky, blocking the rays of the sun intermittently, in a way of strange defiance to its all-pervasiveness. They dont look back, neither do they hesitate for once at the prospect of having to leave a place which was their haven for quite some time now. They just move on another country, another season, another home... seamlessly...

Its a small occurence in the yearly cycle of nature, and yet so significant as to teach one a lesson of how everythin that comes has to go away, sometimes so subtly that this fact becomes hard to sink in. Questions of why and how arise, yet they seem a ruddy rhetoric, coz there exists no answer, no explanation to pacify the ostensible nature of our lives. 

The most powerful man at IBM taught me the most humblest of lesson in a 5- min speech. It was an innocuos and yet pertinent question - "IBM sold off everythin that had taken it years to invent and develop, in a matter of days to save itself from turning into just a name in the golden pages of history. Wasnt it tough to let go?" . The answer made us listen in a wide-eyed astonishment, "Its true that it had taken lots of efforts, and nurturing to develop all those technologies. The biggest opposition to the sell-off were the scientists who'd worked on it for years, for it was their soul and their lives more than their daily bread. It, had, however become impossible to keep it any longer. We could only keep our children if we could watch them wear torn clothes and bang their plates in hunger. We thought it a better option to give them away to someone who could take better care. We had not turned irresponsible, but the responsibility had become the roadblock. So, we decided tolet go. And its never easy to do that. But , at some point you come to realise that you cannot have everything for urself. You visit a hotel, stay in a room and like its furniture, possibly even get addicted to the plasma screen, but then when u check out you dont take all of it with u, and its inadvertent , it comes naturally as the most obvious thing to do. Its the same about so many things in life. Think of those who have to get a part of their body amputated because it has become cancerous. This is letting go. "

"I let go

With no yesterday
Neither a tomorrow
No fantasies of pleasure
No baggage of sorrow

I let go

I have now
And now has me
The coming moment will decide
What the next step will be...

For I'm but an idea upheld
Another idea can also be me

I let go
To be another me!"

-quoted from ""

I'm amazed at the way children and dogs have this innate capabilty to let go(not that i'm comparing the two in any way-i'm not a child hater nor a dog lover!! ). They become so attached to people close to them in a very short time, but when those very people go away even for a short time, its convenient for them to forget all about them in a matter of hours or days at worse. They wont hang on to them, and would still smile with a faint recognition if they see them again, only to show that same affection if the countenace is prolonged for some time. I had a cousin in singapore, and we used to go there every summer when she was just 2-3 years old. For the 2 month period that i used to be with her, i was the one to bear her peskiness and the only one she'd look for every morning at the ring of the alarm bell. She used to hug me so hard that it was always tough to say goodbye. She used to cry and miss me for a day , and then again the very next year, she'd be like the 5 second Joe, behaving like she'd never seen me before, leaving me with the daunting task of wooing her again, only to say goodbye again. I met her after a long time a month ago. She has grown up to be a 12 yr old with the typical British accent and attitude. She remembers me, but sadly for me , feels no affection at all. I'm just another acquaintance that her short life had treated her to. For me, its hard to swallow this fact, and yet for her it doesnt make any difference. Same goes with dogs, u live around em for a few days and they'll bow before u...u come again after a year, try to poke them and off goes ur finger(poor u- u'd never realised that the loving dog ever had such sharp canines!!!!).

It takes us more than a tear and a resolve of the greatest degree to let go of anything, or anyone- our possessions tend to take over our very existence - be it the people we love, our dogs and cats (it took one whole song for a certain Jai to make Aditi overcome the loss!!! :P ) , boyfriend/girlfriend, a job, a dream which couldnt be realised, or sometimes, even an obsession!! We hang on to it like a baby does to his bottle of milk. We sit and think about the loss so much that it makes no sense to live at all. And all this, because of our expectations that never cease. From the moment we first get attached to somethin or someone, we start expecting, and then we start expecting those expectations to be fulfilled, which goes on to become a vicious circle which threatens to undermine our very own selfs!! Its not that letting go is something i preach, beacuse i'm the worst person in the world to practice it- and one doesnt preach what one cant practice!! I've always somehow managed to lose everyone who has ever come close to me -and they have somehow managed to fade away swiftly into the depths of time. Be it a friend who has hurt me , or left me high and dry in times of need, a teacher at school who was more than a teacher, a girl who broke my heart, or just somebody who forgot me with time. But i still hold on to the memories, keep believing that someday i'll find them all back, and lead an ideal life- with the people i want. But then there's no such thing as idealism in our prosaic lives. In the end it boils down to god's pencil and the papyrus on which he inscribed the lyrics of our lives. We can do anythin but cannot make God buy an eraser. You may call him a miser but then thats what he is... Whats meant to go, will go...we can ill-afford to miss a glance at whats coming out!! It might be meteoroid!!! :P

Kabhi kabhi aditi zindagi mein yu hi koi apna lagta hai
kabhi kabhi aditi wo bichhad jaaye to ek sapna lagta hai
to phir koi kaise muskuraaye kaise hasde khush hoke
aur kaise koi sochde everythin's gonna be ok!!!

The day we find the answer to this 'kaise' we'll be truly happy!!! :)


The serpentine road lies ahead of me
naked, with its fangs spread out to curse and bite
I walk along melancholy ,with sounds of rustling leaves,
empty skies , and hardly any soul in sight
Maybe there is someone ,but I fail to see
coz the mirage at the horizon
hinders my vision, and retards my senses

What lies ahead i know not,
They say
Its the journey that makes the destination worthwhile ...
I like the road for what it is ,
it hides thy insanity and thy vices
and so I move on , until the knees weaken and the stance falters
until the walk becomes a monologue of empty thoughts ..
until the walk reduces to a crawl

Bruised and broken, but hopeful still
I move on,only to find not one ,but two...
Two serpentine roads opening up to a new horizon
disappearing, melting into the same molten pot
of mixed fortunes, mixed faiths ,and distorted realities..

Why the choice? Why the contradiction?
in the end, It will matter not...
Its right there in thy face...
mockin ,teasing and making thee aware
of the life ,the blood inside thy veins
caught right at the threshold of oozing out
as a sacrificial offering to the two serpants staring at me

I think I know which way to go
but they say
the grass is always greener on the other side
I try to hear the silence of my thoughts
but seems like theyr'e too smug and preen
they just blink like a cursor on an empty screen

I need an answer, a slight nod of the head
to reaffirm ,to reassure my broken spirit
I feel a hand in mine, like a lost companion returned
A beautiful pair of eyes intrude my hazy vision,
and a new breath reinforces my own
"it goads me on to pretend away the fears, of traversing a path untried..
of reaching for a destination unknown.."

I close my eyes for once
and let my companion guide me
not thinking about what is and what can be
But content in the belief that I tried
and my gloated ego for once i belied...
coz its said by those who ever won:
Theres only one rule on the crossroads...
Half done is not undone

~~Memoirs of the 6th semester~~

It seems its been ages since i last wrote a post , and so as i sit here once again typing away, i simply cant wait to complete this post and put it up, especially coz i dont know if this blog will survive after august ...i just wanna make the most of the 2 months thats left of it (maybe or maybe not... just a random thought that i might never update it after august...busy times ahead u see) ,and so i decided to start my new string of posts with my 6 monthly semester memoirs...

And what a sem it has many things happened in such a short time... there's no sem that compares with this one when it comes to surprises shoved at ur face, be it not-so-worth -a-dime/ more-precious-than-a-diamond !!!

So once again, lets rewind a bit. It all started on that windy ,chilly January evening ,with the blower in my room providing some respite ,and my cold hands being terribly put to torture with the impending Economics presntation work that I was supposed to make the next day .I hardly felt like working and the though of going inside my warm blanket and enjoying the siesta was too tempting for me to want to do anything outside it. Then came the familiar gtalk mesg pop-up ,and my life changed forever...well, literally!!! I can hardly describe the next 4 hours (startin at 12 in the night) ,as I multitasked between my presentation and gtalk...only this time ,it wasnt any normal chatting ... I could never have imagined that it would end the way it did, or if anything at all would come out of it(except ofcourse timepass, or timewaste ,depening on how u prefer to look at it!! ) .But this very chat was supposed to be different from the very beginning. And till this day ,i'm amazed at how me and my tanhai made me win over love. Can't disclose too many details about the episode (somethings in life definitely are private!! ), but all I can say is, it was the most awesome start to a semester that looked so bland at the outset. If the starting was so good, nothing else could go wrong, and I'm glad to say as I type this post , that nothing did!! I hope you've by now already understood , that there's gonna be no tragic memories or preachings as in my earlier memoirs in this post. My date with love continues, and until it does, i'll be the happiest person alive!! :)

Moving on, this was the sem that generally proved Jag Suraiya's dictum - "only thing not in short supply is what in local parlance is aptly known as a bumboo. Which is only too frequently administered to our haplessly receptive backsides."

There were a lot of things that had the potential of making this sem regrettable for me too - the fact that I had so many responsibilities on campus ,couldve intimidated me and bogged me down . But, imagine the power of love, i sailed right through and also managed to take care of academics!!! Whew!! And talking about the responsibilites, being the Secretary of Philately and Numismatics, the Coordinator of the biggest event in the annual techfest, the Google Campus Ambassador,the innumerable efforts to get a good internship -there were just too many roles to play ,and that too squeezed within a 2 month bracket. Before this, I'd always thought that delegating duty and making others work is easier compared to workng for somebody ,but its only after I was at the helm of affairs that I realised what an headache it is to depend on others, incase you fail to have an inefficent team. And take my word for it, to be at a managerial position in an MNC will make sure your hairline recedes at the rate of 1 km per meeting!!!

I guess it was a very adventurous sem too!!! I undertook my mini adventure in february when instead of going home on my delhi visit ,I stayed back at my friend's place so that I could meet my sweetheart without any interventions and raised eyebrows!!
And hell, twas tough to hide my motives frm my friend's family and even my own family to an extent. Now what is one supposed to do when his friend's mom asks him why he's stayin at their place and not at his own house, when u dont have a clue about what ur friend has told his parents as the reason..what if one makes a contradictory remark and arouses suspicion!!! Phew!! I was fumbling with words at such a strightforward question. More so , what is one supposed to do when there's a child in the house - my friend's nephew in this context, and he- at the prospect of finding two two "Mamas" over the weekend cant take the shock of putting up with only one of them at once, and wants both as his toys(read both mamas)-that too when ur'e gettin late for ur date!!! Not only that, what when your friend's sister finds out about your motives, or atleast gets a slight hint ,and makes gestures every time you try n leave the house or demand a private corner for a phone call!!! One helluva adventure !! You bet I can write a novel which has more masala than Chetan Bhagat ever had in his "fiction" writings!!!

But that wasnt going to be the end of my adventures ... it was just an idle friday evening when we were musing about what to do on the last weekend before the onset of the dreaded end sems , when I struck gold with the idea of River Rafting in Rishikesh , something that coincidentally had been experienced by most of the guys this semester-but none from our group had been fortunate enough to be part of the travails. So after a string of yes' and no's and a lotta convinving , we had a heathy group of 15 people who were game to go farting ...oops rafting (actually that was an honest typo...but instead of deleting an d correcting , I thought its better to expose the kind of errors one can commit while typing , and what can happen if they are left as it is (no type of software will help u in this regard coz even farting is a correct word! :P )..can u see what mockery i'd have made outta this post had i not discovered my folly!! ) . We started early in the morning for Rishikesh ,although all of us were in a very bad mood ,coz we had just done what we hate most- woken up early on a weekend !!(Sleep for us is like that rare hottie on campus, we really dont wanna be disturbed while we're at it - god help if you if you are the reason for a date goin berserk or disrupting some1's sleep -makes no difference for an IITian. He'd look at you with such a piercing gaze that you'll whither with the guilt if u dont wanna be "bumbooed"!! ). So where was I...yeah ,so we reached Rishikesh in the morning and had a great time by the chilling waters of Ganga. (and I really mean it, one can almost freeze standing in the waters for more than 10 mins!!) .

Somehow the open spaces, mountains, and the river valley spelled freedom for us harried IITians, and we made the most of it ,just dawdling by the river. We didnt know what lay in store for us though , until we sat down on our rafts with our life jackets and helmets in place, and then there was no stopping us . After an initial lesson on rafting ,we were taken straight to our very first rapid , and gosh! its as they say- "fati padi thi" ,but while we were in that rapid, amidst the heightened fear ,we were looking at each other and askin in amazement -"Why am I laughing!!! "-with almost every1 chiming in with the same question!! It was a proud moment when we managed to keep the raft ,or ourselves from being compromised into the whimsical river and its gruesome flow .... but we couldnt hold on for the biggest rapid came ,we were struggling to hold ourselves and the waves hit us fiercely , but in all the hysteria ,all of us saw one thing - on oar that was combating the river alone, without its owner, and thats when we all turned and saw one guy wasnt there in the raft !!! He somehow managed to appear just a second later to allow our hearts to resume its functioning properly, and the trainer caught hold of him and pulled him up !! Last moment casualty averted and we were all thankful for that. The guys face was horrid with the shock ,though once he recovered he said he had the most fun of us all -he actually swam in the rapid!!! To top it all was the jump from the 20 feet high cliff straight into river Ganga...doesnt look like much of a task when one looks at it from below, but when u reach the top and u brace urself to jump ,believe me, u feel like ure going to commit suicide -minus the depression!!! We all freaked out standing there at the top ,but the fact that a few girls jumped in front of us, we could not take an embarrasment ,and so the men moved on as if to save the last bastion of male virility -and in quick succession , we all jumped , and lemme tell u this, if u ever wanna experience ur heart skipping a beat ,thats the best way to do so. The jump lasted 3 secs approx, and between the 2nd and 3rd second, I'd closed my eyes and was packing my bags for my final journey to hell/heaven(whatever He deemed to be fit for me) -but then I heard a loud thud , and oh, what a relief it was to still be alive and kicking- the water that is!!! Pure fun -and that too all under 500 bucks...hehe!!!

Finally we had a tet-e-tete with end sems ,and that wasnt too easy for any of us , nobody had actually studied throughout the sem . But this was the do or die sem -the placements are to begin in december this year ,and this was the last sem which will make its grades counted before we get a job. So everyone seemed to be on a mission to save their grades ,and the last one week before the end sems saw heightened activity on the part of almost every person on campus .Even I ,for the first time, spent a few hours in the library -trying to make sense of how one is supposed to study in such pin -drop silence and an AC that seems to have been sprayed with sleeping gas!! Only on my part -it was an effort to escape the heat more than an effort to study!!! The proffs were too keen on showin their true colours all at once this sem ,and many of em just before the exams had reached such heightened levels of irritabilty that they'd put up notices outside their rooms saying-"CSE 3rd year students to stay away from my room" ,and one proclaiming -"MIT students are a lot better than IIT students " ...we agree with you ,ma'm ,completely , if only u'd have referred to MIT ,USA rather than MIT- Manipal Institute of Technology!!! Preposterous...we were in a state when we could nothing but think how on earth these proffs will ever give good grades to normal people in the class!!! Amidst all the fears , the end sems came , and went ...and now i dont give a damn about the grades..actually nobody does ,now that we're all happily interning!!

For the first time, I really didnt bother much about people around me , and though problems abound came uncalled for from many different people, particularly with one girl on campus threatning me to get me kicked out /suspended at the least(no dont worry , i didnt assault/evetease her, she just happened to be a victim of a theft that happened during our exhibition in which her valuable stamps got stolen-and i being the Secretary , evidently had the sole responsibility of the whole thing!!),and another person accusing me of unfair gameplay in the techfest ,I was in a quagmire for most part of the last 2 months. But luckily ,my chagrine was no match for my happiness at having someone special in my life .SO when I look back in retrospect , I have no qualms at all about the way the last 6 months have turned out to be!! I've changed a lot -and become a lot more optimistic than ever before... happys endings!!! :)


Dedicated to all those whose smiles i'll see for the last time ...maybe...

Lets sit for a while ,lets stare for a while
Heaven can wait lets mock at it for a while
Lets dance for a while, lets dance in style
The music can play still for a while

We'll wait for the race we've won
they'll see our golden faces turned to the sun
come lets have some more fun,some more fun
before we call it a thing done

Let us die young or let us live forever
tomorrow is not in our power
sitting in the cockpit ,we know life's a short trip
lets just finally get a grip,get a grip

Sooner or later , We'll look back on everything
we'll laugh about it like we knew what all was happening
Today lets dance again for a while, lets dance in style
to the tune of heart beats still thumping for a while

The beats are still young
there are so many songs left unsung
so many bottles left undrunk
Sooner or later they'll all be gone
Why dont they stay young, why dont they stay young

Lets bid goodbye in style dear friend
We were the ones who dared to break the trend
we'll dare to dance for a while, dance in style
to the tune of dreams bin' swinging for a while

Lets join our hands and walk another mile
the crimson sky awaits our exile
till the day we dance again for a while, dance in style
the farewell bells have bin ringing for a while ....


एक जन्नत थी धरती के एक कोने में
himalaya के आँचल में छुपी थी एक वादी
एक नीले आसमान के नीचे
पंछियों की सरसराहट से गूंजती हुई
क्या सरहद और क्या धर्म
जिन्दगी यहाँ पानी में बहते शिकारों की तरह ही तोह थी ...

फीर एक दिन सब बदल गया
कइसी ने आग जैसे डाल दी हो
नर्म नर्म घास पर
वक्त की लड़ाई ने
लीख दी ज़िंदगी हर एक लाश पर ...
नज़र लग गयी शायद इस धरती को
अपने ही आसमान की ...

क्या गलती थी उन पंछियों की
जो हर बरस आते थे यहाँ?
मासूम थे वो ...
उन्हें क्या पता था
एक दीन उनके पंख ही काट दिए जायेंगे
जीन घरो की तलाश में वो आए थे
वह घर ही खत्म हो जायेंगे ...
जीन सरहदों का उन्हें होश ही नही था
वोही सरहद खून बनके यहाँ सबकी रगों में दौड़ेगी ...
उन्हें क्या पता था ...
की उनका आकाश ही उनसे छीन जायेगा ...

क्या गलती थी उन चीनार के पेडो की
जो खुले आसमान के नीचे अपने रंग बरसाते थे ...
मासूम थे वह...
उन्हें क्या पता था
एक दिन गोलिईओं की बरसात उन्हें छलनी कर देगी
जइस आसमान में वो साँस लेते थे
वहीं से बरसेगी खून की बारिश
कहाँ जाते वो चीनार
जो सरहद पर ही उग आए थे ...

क्या गलती थी उन छोटे बच्चों की
जीन्होने इसी धरती पर चलना सीखा था?
मासूम थे वह...
उन्हें क्या पता था...
की एक दिन जीन्होने उन्हें राह दिखाई थी
वो ख़ुद ही भटक जायेंगे?
उन्हें क्या पता था
जीन नकली बंदूकों से वह खेला करते थे
एक दीन उन्ही की गर्गराहट से वह कापेंगे ?

क्या येही था उनका jihaad ?
एक सरहद की खातीर अनदेखी कुछ लकीरों की नुमाईश
या दूर उड़ते परिन्दे को मार गीरा देने का एहसास ?
खील्खिलाते एक शेहेर को शमशान बना देने का एहसास ?

क्या येही था उनका शौर्य ?
देवताओं की इस ज़मीन को लहू लुहान कर देने का एहसास ?
या कुर्सियों की लड़ाई की खातीर धर्म का खेल खेलने की साजइश ?
सहमें हुए दीलो के दरमियाँ लकीरें खीच देने की हीम्मत ...

हान येही था उनका धर्म
जीसने शंखों की आवाज़ छीन ली ...
जो खून की नदी में कहीं डूब के रेह गया ....


I dont really know what it means when we dream about something and I've never even tried ... there are so many things that've just kept on running again and again like a tape in my head since god knows when..... but then I also know they've always signified my deepest fears and worries ,only in my dreams theyve always culminated in different forms...
This is what came up when I tried to figure out what really they mean....

It was an apple that fell from a tree
I heard something hitting the ground with a thud...
Thats when I opened my eyes( or did I),

as I sat on a nearby bench , letting time pass by me,

content with the sound of the rustling autumn leaves as the rolled past my feet....

I was a bit unfortunate ,
having been brought into this world ages after Newton was..
the bastard discovered gravity first , else today twud've bin in my name....
my apple ,my gravity...

Bt all dreams cant be realised,n so i went back to my slumber...

I opened my eyes after a while(or did I?)
and watched a beautiful butterfly flap its wings out of its chrysalis...
preparing to take its first flight into this big brave world...
I tried to run after it ...i wanted to share this creature's beauty
i wanted to fill the sky with its colour...
but the soft earth beneath my feet gave way...

and I was falling into an inescapable ravine....

falling ...

Falling still.... till I opened my eyes and found myself on the bench...
with the fallen apple lying a few steps away...

I tried to gather myself...
Maybe I was dreaming...
but ...but ...the chrysalis was still there,
and the butterfly..still struggling to come out...

I looked away ,not trying to believe my dream could come true...

I stood up and started walking towards a small lake

the blue water reflecting the sunlight and giving sanctuary to frogs ambling about frantically...
I noticed another moat nearby...
with a shinier ,blue water ,and small lotuses growing out ...

I was thirsty ,I wondered where to drink from...
I had to make a choice,
and I took the moat 'coz it looked more appealing from the outside...

maybe its water was more enriching ,maybe it'd be more fulfilling....

I bent down and took a sip ...
it was only then that I saw the weeds inside ,
and thats when I realised why it was a shinier colour...

I watched as my hands and feet disappeared into droplets of water,
and I rained down slowly into the moat....

my body became one with it ,
and the weeds were now my own to bear...

I tried to hold ... but it didnt stop...

I was slipping away still....
until I opened my eyes and found myself on the bench...

The apple was still hanging from the tree,
The chrysalis rested peacefully in one of its branches..

I looked away ,not trying to believe my dream could come true...
I looked at the lake behind me,looking as beautiful as before...

The moat lay still beside it....

I knew what to do this time....I had learned my lessons....

It was then that I realised...

All that we see or seem
but a dream within a dream...


STATUARY WARNING : IF youre in IITR 3rd year...i wouldnt advise you to read this post...still if you read and find yourself boiling , I suggest you take 1 tab Paracetamol (its an effective medicine for bringing down body temps!!) ... I do not wish to be approached for what I write here under any circumstance ,or at any given point of time.... Those about whom I write here will definitely know it ,and all I'd say is - I had immense pleasure showing you a mirrror!!! For every1 else and for those I wish would read this, this post should be a waste of tym..unfortunately...muahaha!!!

Hmm...51 posts old and my blogging frequency is already on the dowturn ...i wonder what brought me to this ....looking bak ,i used to be such an avid blogger....Maybe i shouldnt think so much ,considering whatever has happened since this year began has been positive and I intend and hope to keep it that way

So after a long time and after about 2 drafts that i finally decided to dump, i'm here with a KRAZZY post (minus the Hrithik and SRK "stolen" item nos.!!! ) ,and make no mistake...this aint no ordinary post...this one's the real expose on the frickin IITians ...well ,not all of the ones I wanna expose!!! :D

Mélange-(n)-a mixture, or a group of different things or people. This is how the dictionary puts it. One can’t help but wonder how apt it is to our lives ,such as they’ve become. The tumultuous yet carefree lives of IITians – a confused mélange of the possible events and the impossible castles in the air . A mélange of aims, aspirations and ideas –the common thread that runs through us and binds us all together .The mélange of courses and rigorous schedules wer’e put through.....

..... The mélange of sounds one hears entering the bhawan premises is something not to be missed- be it the cacophony of the 2nd yearites while playin cricket/football ( who seem to play less and scream more) , or the blaring sound of guns and ticking bombs (ohh…our hostel isn’t exactly a war front… ye sab to Counter Strike ki mahima hai!!) …the most gothic rock numbers to the most sober songs,and even the bathrooms in the morning when you get to hear the clear, unfiltered notes of the falling water, and the singer(ahem…bathroom singer to be precise) boldly holds his ground, in a mélange of all kinds of voices –the list just keeps on increasing( did I miss the chirping birds early in the morning…ohh most of us know it apparently, with all those night outs!!)

This is what I recently wrote for my hostel magazine ,and couldnt have articulated more perfectly ...the thoughts just flowed ,except for that first para where I was forced to mention how everyone of us seem to be in perfect harmony. Actually ,all through this article i wrote ,I've silently poured out my hatred for everyone out there (except a few) ,but written it so subtly that they'll never be able to see it through ...they do have a reputation of making a fool out of themselves ...they'll do that once again when they read this article and feel happy(oh I sure know they would ).

Before i let myself lose and let my emotions overflow, lemme introduce u to A New Breed abundantly found in my college -

1) The ALPHA IITian: These are the kind of people who'd be all over you when they need a favour ,and looking into their eyes will find you in hot water...literally!!! The amount of brotherly love and care they'd show in moments of urgency is amazing for a breed which tore away the pages of the dictionary which had these adjectives...or verbs...or whatever.... Gosh! they'll want you near em in the exam hall if they know u've prepared for the exam, they'll want your notes if u ever do make em, they'll almost lick at your feet for proxies... but ask for the same favour in return and the kind of look they give u will burn u into pieces at the place where u stand .Try and give them a taste of their own character ,and u'll have to confront their inflated ,and now bruised -EGOs!!!! And ego here is in the real sense of the world ,which ofcourse isnt the proper way in which it should be defined!!! (i'm the most egotistical person u'll come across ,if only ego could be defined the way I want to!!! hehe!!)

2)The BETA IITian: These are the kind of people who'll pretend to their capacities to be the best of your friends ,and would assert it time and again by saying and sorry and getting away with it and then catching you by the collar and asking you for forgiveness... With them u'll wish to plead for mercy just when u see a slight hint of it in their eyes... They'd be sugar coated nice to you when u talk to them ,but behind ur back they'l bitch about u... when in a group ,this breed tends to isolate you and join the whims of the whole group ,esp when theyre directed entirely against u!!! Moreover, they are characterised by their sadist natures which is fed on the gullibility of a chosen few....bloody parasites.... :P

3)The GAMMA IITian: This breed is not too unique and wouldnt come as a surprise coz this is what every IITian is to the outer world... A ghissu (read bookworm) .... These are the people who are so proud of their high CGPAs that they almost wanna trample upon the feet of their not so blessed counterparts. They'll not wanna discuss with u matters pertaining to academics ,and hence ,they wont discuss anythin with you ,coz they hardly,if ever talk about anythin other than academics. They'll rightfully hold their heads high when the results come out ,and would give a dirt sideways glance to all those 8 or 7 pointers standing in the vicinity ,and would leave with a fart of loud chuckle at their face . They wouldn't help one pass an exam if the unlucky one happens to be outta their league ,and would come up with awsome excuses for not having helped. If only they could realise that every1 in IIT is worth an ounce of his brain and can study the way they study (if only he wastes lesser amount of time in doin unnecessary jobs!!) ,this world would be such a better place to live

4)The FIITians: Well...this refers to the non-existent ,or call it rare if that comes as a consolation- female breed . I do not incude this breed here just for the heck of it. I say this is rather the most hated (by me!!) breed here. With 7 guys' hostels and just 1 of the opposite sex, they sure have guys swooning over them in large flocks ,and this is what has given them the luxury to take every guy for granted -coz most apparently ,when there are too many things of the same kind , each one of them becomes less precious!! And oh, this breed is so characterised by the absence of any bond ,any respect for people of its own kind. I fail to understand why- girls here dont get along well together (dont eat my head if ur'e one of the exception kinds!! :P ) .If only ,someone could tell them how they dont deserve a pinch of respect for the kind of pride they have in their behaviour ,and that they cannot hold the entire institute to ransom just coz theyr'e rare- things would pretty much make a lotta sense!!! Phew!!!

5)The CHOC-A-BLOC IITians: other words ...people like me...together constitute 1% of the population here!!! Wer'e the ones wholove ourselves ,and who're trying to love everyone else around them. Most of the times its a futile effort and we end up falling face down ,but we still dont lose hope ,and thats when we collide into each other - finding solace in each other's warmth... talking (literally) about all those mundane things that make life so beautiful (and ugly as well ).... for once we dont have to thin about what we speak.... we let our hearts do the talking...and leave our minds to rest for a while...we meet as infrequently as rain in a desert ,but when we do ,people cant help to notice the kind of energy we radiate it just another talk over coffee,or a dance at the fest ,we love to let our hair down ,for all to see...I hope we can be good examples for people to emulate...till then, we'll rejoice in the recognition of each other and an acknowledgement of the other's presence...somewhere... :)

On second thoughts ,everyone is a different person ,everyone has a choc-a-bloc "them" in themselves...they lose their identities somewhere along the way in a bid to get along with people and gain larger acceptance from society . I dont know why but this trend of being in synch with "what people say" is ruining the very nature of people in this place, and in all my efforts to find exceptions , i'd say i've hardly (and most fortunately for that) found just about a couple of them...
There are so may people who're finally bidding goodbye to their college this year ,and I see so many happy memories splashed across orkut ,or blogs ...I see them share the same camaraderie with each other as at one point (and even now) i shared with my school mates. And i keep wondering-will I ever be so emotional about the last 4 years when i finally punch out of IIT...will I want to remember the people around me and capture their gleeful smiles on the reel?? Will I have atleast a "few" memories that I'd wanna live out in the last few days?? And the only answer that comes out is a big NO... i'd rather leave a dark black hole to fill in these 4 years of my life... I used to wish if I could rewind my life ..but now I wish I could just forward it by one year!!!

THE FOUR THINGS (tagged by Nishi)

Four schools/colleges/jobs I’ve been at in my life :

1)Kulachi Hansraj Model School, Ashok Vihar ,Delhi:That was way back in Kindergarten;the only memory i have from there is falling face down just after the assembly got over and getting my knee bruised ;still have the mark which has been too stubborn to go away even after 15 years!!

2) Ryan International School ,Ghaziabad :The school that build my foundation , and helped me become the person that I am today ,with all the creativity bullioned into me right from the very first class that I attended there. The kind of respect the teachers and authorities had there for me still gives me a high .The feeling of everybody knowing you by name is just unsurpassed(though I fail to see the point when i say that,but still it makes one feel like a celebrity!!! lol!!) . Made a lot of good friends ,but not in touch with any of them now. All in all ,had the best 8 years of my life at this school. Even awarded the "all-rounder" and "Genius" neckties and shields when i finally left the school.

3)Montfort School,Ashok Vihar,Delhi: My transition from Delhi-Ghaziabad-Delhi was now complete. Rightly said ,life does come full circle. Cried a lot initially ,what with problems adjusting to a metropolitan city and its self centered people,in addition top being constantly bullied by peers and teachers alike.
My admission to this school was an interesting one though. I arrived at the school with my parents on the day of the test(which incidentally was a month after the session had begun ,on the insistence of my parents ,and ofcourse the "sifaarish" of one MP) ,only to know that the madam who conducts the test had been on leave. I was quite ok with it when the princi said it ,and was actually overjoyed at the thought of returning back to my gud ol' school ,when suddenly my mom began to cry ,that too in front of the princi .She wanted to prove a point maybe ,and told the princi she wants me admitted at any cost. The princi acquiesced ,and decided to take an interview himself,right on the spot. He asked me a few maths problems and some arbit ques. i answered em all helf heartedly ,not caring if theyr'e correct or not, but as luck would have it,the next thing I know was the princi congratulating my parents -"Welcome to the Montfort Family!!". I was too numb to feel anything ,but there I was -admitted to a new school ,without even bidding goodbye to my ol friends. And so the journey began from class VIII onwards.Life had been fairly simple to me before that. The school kinda taught me how to struggle against the odds and prove oneself to the world. It took me a year to assimilate into the class ,and by class IX , I had found a cozy circle of friends and a place in the top five rankers of the class!!

After spending 4 years in this school (and culminating finally with a suspension) ,I walked out after having learned so much from a competetive environment and from the varied kinds of people i met here. But in all respects ,i owe a lot to it...including the fact that it enabled me to meet the one i respect the most,love the most...ahem ahem....

4) IIT Roorkee:Aasman se tapka hua khaajoor mein hi atakta doubt I am !!!No need to say anything about this place....

Four TV shows I love to watch :

If the expected answer is all-time favourites it goes:

1) Tom and jerry, Dexter's Lab, Swat Kats, Ducktales, Alladin, Talespin, Power Rangers, Turtles ....phew!!! I club them as one coz i remember being so hooked on to these as a kid,and they still manage to mesmerise me ,even though they only show silly repeat telecasts now!!!Toons rock!!
There are some things in life which just give you pure bliss, and once youre into them you dnt really have to think too much about anything else. Cartoons are on of 'em.

2)The O.C. : This was one helluva TV Show. Watched it during the first year of college. Cried with it ,laughed with it ,lived with it. 4 seasons of no -nonsense drama. This is reality ,it was good to face it on TV before actually experiencing it!!!!

3)Comedy : Used to watch DIL KYA CHAHTA HAI, KHICHDI, SARABHAI VS SARABHAI, SHARARAT, AND FRIENDS in the days of high school. Now graduated to the likes of COUPLING, HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, SCRUBS ,etc etc....

4)PRISON BREAK AND HEROES: The best series ever !!!!!! Edge of the seat action....go for it!!!

Four places I have lived :

1)Delhi : why ofcourse!!! :D
2)Ghaziabad: those were the days....
3)Singapore :well ,almost (used to be there for 2 months everuy year for 3 years!!! ) ...does it qualify???!! ;)
4) London : The question only says "places I have lived" .This is one city I have lived ,seeped through my eyes, soaked in my blood , and felt its air against my face. Yes, I dont care if it was only for a month , I have LIVED this city and its (multi)culture through and through!!!

Four movies I can watch over and over :

1)Kal ho Na Ho: Watched it 50 times already...need i say more?!!! ;)
2)Rang De Basanti :WOW!!! Just opened my eyes ,and during the days we spent rallying against the reservation bill ...this became our inspiration...
3)Mera Pehla Pehla Pyaar : Anything to remind me of my school days...and the innocence!!! :)
4)A Walk to Remember: Cute,mushy and so close to reality...

Four books I liked the most (read in recent times) :

I dont read a lotta books maybe the ones I mention arent the best picks....but still ,lemme tell ya:
1)To Kill A Mocking Bird : Awesome book... so much is said through the innocence and curiosity of a li'l girl whose trying to figure out the world through her eyes. The way she interprets everythin is just so close to what it really is. Somehow wer'e so blinded by our own mask when we grow up that we tend to justify everything that happens according to what is/should be ideal(according the rest of the people) so much so that we seem to be living in a constant illusion,a mirage of our own detached from reality...But the way this book makes one realise it just amazing.
2)Veronica Decides to Die: this one by paulo Cohelo is sweet madness....literally and figuratively.... gives away an instant message about how we should lead our life (and also end it) on our own terms and not how the society dictates it... Also how the constant awareness of death can lead one to cherish his/her life!!!
3)PG Wodehouse-Pelican at Blandings: Laugh riot...typical wodehouse literature!!!
4)Anything for You Ma'm- An IITians love story : This one's to lighten up the load off your life... best romantic novel ive read recently!!

Four places I have been on holiday (in the last couple of years):

1)Goa:cant remember nething beyond it!!! ;)
3)Bangalore: courtesy Google
4)Jaipur:awful city :P... seems its called pink city because people have a habit of spitting after chewing tobacco u can find a lotta pink stains!! :P (no offence to Jaipur-ites!!! )
cant remember nething beyond it!!! ;)

Four of my favourite dishes:

If the food is good ,my appetite goes outta control,and here are somethings which can have that kinda effect:
1)Pasta: with mushroom sauce...sumptuous
2)Baked Vegetables with Cheese : Light ,healthy and very very tasty ;)
3)Chilli Potatoes :An awesome Chinese dish!!
4)All things that mom makes at home :maybe due to the rarity of it ;)

Four websites I visit daily:

1)Orkut :cant help ...the addiction refuses to go....
2)Gmail and Hotmail
3) and Google Groups
4)Blogger blogs

Four places I would rather be right now:

1) In the arms of ...ahem ahem :)!!!
2)Attending a class (coz m bunkin one while writing this!!! )
3)A sea beach...just sittin ...watching the waves hit the shore...
4)At a DJ...can dance anytime of the day!!

Four music tracks playing on my comp(of late):

1)Miss you :Westlife
2)Tears Dont Fall:Bullet For My Valentine
3)When your'e Gone: Avril
4)Ae Kaash ke hum : Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa (SRK's oldy!! )

Four people I am tagging :


Kitna timepass karna hai...bas show khatam ho gaya....ghar jao!! :P


Phew!! My first actual post of the year!!! feels gr8 to be back in action again...
So its February ...the season of love as they call it,and we poor IITians have so much other than love scheduled for the month, the frickin mid sems notwithstanding (who the hell chose Valentine's day as a perpetual date for setting the exam !!! It happenz wonly at IIT :P)

Now needless to say(for the regular readers ) ,the first month of this year has been a very eventful one ,and a lotta thinga that i couldnt have imagined in my wildest dreams just struck me in the face... The bliss of having some1 say "i love you" or the best internship one could ever get- i have it all, and a lot more!

There are some things that in my 20 years of life I had never experienced ,and now that I have felt them so closely ,must say everything has been worth it through and through, and even after i know the xperience ,its so not like the process of opening a gift-wrapper ,when the excitement in the process dies as soon as you discover what the gift is -coz what i've felt is just beyond words, and everlasting. Sometimes ,its scary, what if it just falls apart one day ?? Do i really have the privilege of being so happy at a given time?? Well, at the risk of sounding paranoid -must say feels a bit surreal ,but what the heck -I know i'll make the most of it till the happiness lasts!! But must say ,nothings comes without strings attached!! Lemme elaborate a on few interesting things:

-->Well, I guess the first few weeks of falling in love or falling out of it are essentially the same.For starters ,one actually lies in bed the whole day listening to slow songs (the lyrics start to matter so much more than ever inadvertantly sounded a bit poetic here too!!!) ,wistfully thinking about just one person!!! Phew!!!Not just this, one suddenly starts to have a sea change in his overall perception of things and general attitude towards life ...When you fall outta love , you feel like hitting every other person close to you ;on the other hand ,when you fall into it, you'd wanna give a jaadu-ki-jhappi to all and sundry (oh! and this feeling gets pronounce when there's a hottie around ,though at the risk of being one-tight-ishlapped a la kal ho na ho!!! :P)

-->Delhi seemed to be teeming with happening places to hang out only until last month...but now it suddenly seems that there's not a single place in delhi to go to ,somewhere the crowd can just leave you to your own devices (and your own girl and her rum balls!!) .One goes to a movie to find a house full (of wasted /vella people!!) ,and you go to a fast food joint with just the same results -only this time,the joint is full of "joint" families with disjoint opinions about what to eat and uncontrollable kids with one eye on your girl and the other on your rum ball!!!!! :P

-->People /things/ even online messengers seem to start playin "sadist" with you. Your parents ,who'd have been inviting u home since so many days ,would suddenly start gettin suspicious even if you go home only for a day( or is it becoz ur'e goin home only for "a" day!!) ,and hold an unwelcome look when u reach home (seems for a moment that ur'e house is only ur guesthouse -only,this one is in your hometown!! :P) . More than this, your phone starts playin fickle games with u,and u can't seems to connect a normal call to the object of ur affection. And what when even Gtalk starts complaining when u wanna send something across and hatches a plot to get the 2 lovebirds to fight by sayin at one end-"the sender withdrew his offer" and at the other-" the receiver declined the offer"!!!
Not to 4get how people just cant seem to stop watching you on your first date,and even waiters turn up to remind you of social values ,as if they're blessed with the supreme duty!!

-->You start lying too much and too often...with all and sundry(sometymes even to !!!)

Ahem ..... PYAR KE SIDE EFFECTS anyone????!!!! lol :P

Divine Interventions ;)

Since this is the only thing ive written in the past 1 month...i thought why not put it up here as well ;)

Hey honey,

There's me....
walkin along a highway of broken dreams
There's you...
flyin strong and high over mighty seas
There's us...
A fresh bud of rose trembling in the winter wind
just like an artist's aquatint...

There's me...
yearning to be in the arms of the one
There's you
smiling at the moon and the sun
There's us
together sailing amidst the stars
we've lost trail of where's venus and where's mars...

Not everything is supposed to be left to chance
Some words just need to be said
I'll wait forever for even just a glance
Without you,I'll long be dead...

There's me...
the lone joker in the pack
There's you...
the puzzle of my heart that I just can't crack!
There's us..
we found each other when no one else was looking
there were never birds that were ever mocking ;)

There's me....
I'd walk across the desert with no shoes upon my feet
to share with you the last bite of bread I hate to eat
There's you...
who made my heart leap,my eyes gleam
to show me what love would mean
There's us...
We'd whisper love so loudly every hear could understand
That love, and only love, can join the tribes of men

Not everything is supposed to come true
Some words jus dont rhyme
If they arent written abt you
Loving you is my only crime...


N hope u will alwaz remember:
"theres thwo things i kno for sure-
she was sent frm heaven above
n shez the only girl i love...
I drop on my knees at her bed every night
She talks to God and i close my eyes
N i thank Him for all the joy in my life...
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayers,
Sticking li'l white flowers all up in her hair...
N after all the wrong,I mustve done somethin right
To deserve her hug every morning..
and butterfly kisses every night " :)

I love you....forever....

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