Statuary warning:This may seem like an arduously long post to read...srry abt that...u may skip it if u arent that intersted in getting an insight into the corporate world!!
Now that the summer vacations are poised at the tip of the knife,i thought i'd mull over on how i'v spent all these 2 months ,and the most significant thing i seemed to have done was the fully-faltoo training ...a gruelling 9 to 6 shift with not less than 5 hrs of chatting everyday!!!(pheww!!)...i wish i'd worked on something tangible ,but sadly inspite of sincerely pleading the guys to gimme sumthin ,i was constantly sidelined.... pretty lame experience i'd say ...though i still managed to learn first hand what goes on in the famed software companies here in India ,the work culture ,and a peek-a -boo into what exactly goes on in the senior manager's office(read on to know more)...
The very first day that i stepped into that company after having found a chartered bus which would ferry me to work everyday ,and flirtin a bit with the 4 girls goin to their college who accompanied me on that day-sadly the last working day of their college b4 goin off for summer vacations -i was handed a big HR MANUAL stating the rules and regulation that i was supposed to flout ,the work ethics which were never meant to be followed by an IITian , the rules concerning leaves and probation -which had nthin to do with the nature of my work(given the fact that i had already made up my mind to attend just 3 days of office in a week!!) , and the history of the company whose resources i was abt to slander for the coming one month !!!
It was followed by an HR personnel givin me a short lecture on how the company came into being and the aims and aspirations the company desires to acheive -an asinine repetition of the HR manual - and was followed by apocryphal praise for the IIT system and IITians in particular (oh! heck, i was feeling like a goat who was about to be slaughtered!!)...All this in a period of 3 hours and i'd not hesitate to admit that i was feeling a little giddy by now!!!
i was shorlty taken to the floor where the software developers sat in front of their computer screens doin some crazy stuff i couldnt understand -though i later came to know that it was called .NET!!!
The first day passed without nthin substantial -i was made to sit at a corner and told precariously that this is what every1 does on the first day at work !!! Obviously i did nthin much apart frm observing .The days which followed were too agonozing -and most people even know about my agony-as i was handed a 64 MB RAM comp with windows XP loaded ,and with the capability of bringing the most advanced supercomputer in the world to shame with its antics .I noted the exact time it took to boot-20 mins ,time taken to create a new folder -15 mins,time taken to open internet explorer - 30 mins (that is ,if one was lucky enough to get the IE window before the comp restarted!! )..
The first week passed very swiftly ,what with most of the time being spent on booting and opening a bloody IE window!!They gave me a newer comp later on,but that first week itslef was enough for me to observe a lotta things...
this is what the hierarchy looks like in a software company,or rather i'll personalize it with my own experiece(starting from the top) -
1.The CEO :Is supposed to be that highly qualified guy holding zillions of degrees from all over the world ,and is supposed to meet clients,handle the paper work and everything that involves none of the degrees' expertise that he's gained all these years ...only the work teaches you here in the tricks of the trade..
The CEO of this company was a tall guy with a slightly bulging belly ,but surprisingly young-in his early 30s- and charismatic and had a typical british accent which he had procured after spending his childhood in London. It was a treat to watch him pass orders at his subordinates, all of them more than double his age !! It seems this guy spends half his time in the UK division and half in the indian one.. My encounter with him occured at a very late stage of my training ,and the very first thing he said was-" Oh! great ,people from IIT are finally stepping into our company ..he's our wonder boy,put him into my personal software division -its more fun there!! "..and everyday after that he'd cheerfully ask me -"Hey wonder boy -hows it goin huh!!! " ,and since i wasnt doin any work virtually all i could give was a decent smile and a thought insise my head -"Dude,i'll wear a blue undie over my pants tomorrow -with 'W' printed on it ...then u call me wonder boy!!!"
2. The Senior Manager : He was guy from IIT (the only one in that company frm the 'prestigious' insti )-a man in his late 40s -and since i had the privilege of spending a considerable amount of time in his cabin on two occasions -i know that his work was limited to forwarding emails (the ones with silly jokes and idiotic photos) to the employees , drinking coffe more than 5 times a day ,passing orders to the HR manager ,listenining to the orders from the CEO ,making phone calls ,and stuff like that which i guess deserves no more than a few thousnd rupees a month .heck ! what a waste of a degree from IIT!! The last time when i met him he promised to put me in a good project-and for the next half an hour he kept on browsing all the floors of the building ...I ambled along ,albeit with no success!!
3. The CTO: The chief technical officer ,my foot- He should be called the chief Tymepass officer!!! Thats coz most of the times i saw him in his cabin -he was playin solitaire ,wasting his 70,000 ka laptop!! Doesnt he know that there are better games in the market than solitaire!!! ;) ,and then with a routine which includes drinkin milk 2 times a day ,he sure seemed like a lunatic stuck in the wrong place .
On a more serious note ,his only duty was of an advisory nature -to get the innovators out of the most serious loopholes ever encountered in programming history and to tell them what to do,to start with!!
The first time i talked to him , he was like -" what have u learned at IIT??" ,with me half conteplating to say -"nothing at all". the second tym i talked to him was when he gave me something to do,for a change ,but to my utter displeasure -he told me to make a prog to read the file and directory structure faster than windows (phew -with those big geeks at his disposal ,when bill gates and steve balmer couldnt do it,howd some1 lyk me do it ??) ,and obviosuly it did little to assuage my woes!!
The last tym i talked to him ,he was fuming with anger...bt i wasnt complaining,i had a nice tym orkutting and chatting!!
4. The HR manager : A weird lady ,but newayz amiable and with talked with a friendly disposition ,i guess had all the qualities which are prerequisites for being an HR manager ...though wasnt very smart and good-looking !!
Didnt have much of an acquaintanceship with her ..though she acted as my complaint box ,one which had no outlet and so my complaints lay almost in a state of decay until they were looked after!!
5. The project manager /Lead Innovator: was a tall,bloated guy and looked cockeyed most of the times!! Was very busy ,and most of the times on the run -he was supposed to be the guiding light fr all the innovators ,and had to virtually spoon feed them for every small things
6. The innovators /Trainees : Was a bunch of unusal people ,though very friendly .Most of them ,or rather all of them held a postgraduate degree in MCA or M.Sc. and none of them had graduated with a B.Tech-that made me the only B.Tech guy ..the team consisted mostly of guys ,and there were about 6-7 girls too-although they were fulltoo brickheads!! Apart from the ardous task of programming all day long ,even the innovators didnt hold back frm chatting once in a while with their GTalk windows minimized ,and even among themselves they chatted throughout the office hours!! Every1 of them had orkut accounts ,and although it was blocked ,i had found a proxy and so,the orkut bug had surfaced what with me on the prowl!! All of them seemed rather dissatisfied with ther pay figures and half of them were giving interviews to other prospective employers already .the most senior employee in the company was employed for just over 6 months,and that is proof enough of the growing discontempt among the software company employees ... Though the sight when a new female employee was inducted into the team was remniscent of the IITs -people tryin to catch a glimpse of that mew girl ,and envying the one who gets to be the first to ask her for a coffee,or the one who sits near her table!!!
I enjoyed thoroughly with them ,all being very supportive and helpful ,quite unlike the people at IIT ,and those gossips at the luch table still gets me in splits when I think of em !! The girls were cool too -though i still wonder how in the world they had never heard of IITs .Then there were those guys whi had taken it to be their birth right to tease the female employees ,and i became one of em!!
7.The caretakers: Life without them in a corporate is simply unimaginable ...From simple chores like cleaning cups and saucers to mundane issues lyk providing 'bournvita' to the CTO two times a day ,and even important issues lyk upkeep of hygiene at the workplace nd bringing in lunch ordered by the employees -the caretakers form an inseperable part of the office workforce...
This particular guy at the SMX global office fr was assidous and perky one with antics which made me cast serious aspersions on his sexuality...and if u've ever seen Karan johar laughing u'll know what i'm hinting here ...Though in ne case he was afffable ,and easy to talk to,and most importantly did what he was supposed to-care !!
Out and out ,I'd say twas a very good experience ,although accompanied by a lotta boredom ,and non-productivity!! But i dare say i'd rather not wanna get stuck in such a workplace in a position lower than the CEO!!! hehe...i guess its askin too much and however paranoid it mite sound ,but now that i've been there ,done that i'd make sure I dont land up at such a place ever-and no offecnce meant,by such a place i mean one where the employees dnt know what they are doin before they consult a zillion web pages via google,and ones which hate the company and still have no other alternative in hindsight!!!
TRAINing TRAVAILS!!!
A Criminals Guide To Courtesy
The readers of this blog and my dear friends will be glad to know that - given the recent spate of car blast attempts and other terrorist activities going on around the world in celebration of the "umpteenth year of the jehad revolution" and even as the Al Qaida struggles to formulate its own 123 agreement with the US to acquire the latest nuclear technology for a "rapid and succesful attempt at wipe out of human civilization"- i just wrote a complete book titled "Every Criminal's Guide to Courtesy",with the subtitle -"Tips for Terrorists and Deportment for Desperados" .The book will be made of specimen conversations to suit every situation. The criminal who buys ,or intends to buy,a volume of it ,never needs to fear the awkward pauses which so frequently occur when one is caught in the act of burglary or murder,or homicide,or even when one is one the verge of dying after a succesful attempt at suicide bombing the nearby grocery shop!!
I append a sample.We will suppose for an instance,that the terrorist wants to abstract a nuclear warhead from under president Bush's nose while he's sleeping comfortably in his appt at the White House and after a much life-threatening and excruciatingly tough ,yet succesflu attempt at evading the security with their sniffer monkeys in tow,he has entered the presidents bedroom and the following conversation takes place..
Terrorist(coughs)
Bush(startled ,or seems to be):Aye ,i say whats the matter ??? (starts snoring again!!)
[Terrorist(coughs again).Bush sits up]
Terrorist:(insiniuatingly):A thousand apologies ,my dear sir,to break in on that sleep,which as they rightly say gives u the energy to a lead a country full of buffoons like ye.But ,business is business ,and in these days of hustle and jehadi competition ,it behoves a man to be first in the race. Thus ,knowing the fact that allah-hu-akhtar-rahim-ul-rehman-e-rahim(a proffesional rival of mine) has his eyes set on ur nuclear warhead, I hastened to call on you before he could do so
Bush:Help!! Condoleeza help!!! Terror attack!! Save thy souls!! Bah!bah! Black sheep...
Terrorist:Please sir,may i request your honouerable tongue to save its honour and ,my rancour,and get back to sitting patiently in that mouth of yours,sir. I hate to talk shop,but i follow it my duty to tell u that my revolver is loaded.Shall we allow it to remain so??Precisely.To proceed then ,the fame of your nuclear warhead,my dear sir, has rung through the Islamic world. Every terrorist in the proffesion is after it.And when i tell you that i have had to bring myself up here through the bedroom window of a perfect stranger,sleepin in polka dots undies even when he possesses Tuxedos worth millions and pyjamas worth a collectors' dream, I need scarcely add further evidence of my eagerness to possess the treasure I have mentioned. You can spare a little of it. A remote control?? A cross-section of it perhaps??
Come this is niggardly my dear sir. To you it is luxury.But to me,it is a bare necessity. I'll tell you why.
I have my living to earn . How would you suppose I can keep my wife in the style to which she has been accustomed-wearing silken burkas made outta the hides of the rich n famous people of the white man's lands and dyed in black,and not just that ,wearing lingerie that would envy even the most dare -to-bare -with-arms-wide-open-actresses of hollywood- if every1 was as unreasonable as you?? How do you suppose I can let my son study in the most splendid terrorist school in the mountains,studded with fleash-eating fundamentalists as their proffesors,and ,who other than Osama as its principal....
Bush(interrupting and fairly startled): What ,OSAMA!!! What the....
Terrorist:Oh,come sir,now dont let me bring out my heavy rocket launcher -i'll not be able to bear its weight for long so it wont take too long for me to fire a flaming shot.So ,where were we..Ah!! yes,and how do you suppose i can buy the best AK-47s for my elder son outta the state artilery.
Now some people keep their nuclear warheads under the ----No??In the chest of drawers?? Inside your bum which seems to me a bit swelling right now?? Constipation,eh??
Bush(farting):Oops!!
Terrorist:(with an expression of disgust):Ahh!!U mannerless farting punk..How did you come to be the president,I could've been a better candidate! I can outdo you in farting any day!!
Now,my very dear sir,joking apart,where is it?? Did i mention the revolver was loaded?
Thank you,Thank you. Under that weird thing you call your bead.Ah!A thousand thanks to you sir. May i trouble you to give an autograph of yours on it,sir! My wife will be deighted to have it.Ah!! There..A million thanks,sir. Goodnite,a very goodnite to you
[exits through the window]
This is but one specimen. I shall spare no efforts in makin the rest of the book of equal merit .If after next publishing season,there remains one Terrorist/criminal who isnt a perfect gentleman,then it will be because he is too impecinous or too stingy to spend 1 dollars and 60 cents on the work authored by yours,AUPSY aka Ayushman Jain
Go!! GOA
Here i am once again after a long tym...n my absence would be obvious to those who know that i was outta town...and pampering myself in the picturusque surroundings of goa,had no intensions whatsoever to take to the internet even though i had the facility to do so at my disposition... Not that i'm addicted to the net and i needed a rehab ....just for a change i thought i can delve into the real world which seemed more like heaven for the 10 days that i was in goa...
And since i've nothin else to write about ,i thought why nt throw some light on the only place i'd rather wanna go to in india-and that's goa!!(I'm not the new agent of goa tourism...so i'm nt promotin that place...i dnt even give a shit if u start hating that place after reading my awful travel guide...i'm just wasting tym-urz and mine too!!!! U can take that as a statuary warning before goin ahead!!)
The sea and the sand
Now this is the most obvious and enticing part of any tourist's iternarary(hope i got the spelling right!!) at a place like goa... and somethin that gives us that fresh air frm the sea before it is breathed and thrown out by the 1 billion ppl in India,and then polluted by more than half the no. of vehicles with more gases than u ever smelled in ur chemistry lab,and then recycled into a poisonous mass by our industries!! Ahh...the feeling with that cool sea breeze slapping at my face incessantly is simply out of the world and can anyday releive all the fatigue,and stress that life has burdened me with...
And its not just the wind which makes me feel cockeyed, its also the sensation when u walk on sand with ur bare feet ,and let the sea wash away that very sand as it comes and goes...that sinking feeling is so darn undescribable...
To top it all,there are alwaz those hot firang babes around and there's no harm(sayin it with the risk of sounding cliched) in steelin a glimpse or two of their svelte bodies glistening under the sun!!
Did lotta observing this tym ....children playin in the sand,as usual, ppl lettin themselves loose and goin beyond the red danger flags just to let themselves be enveloped by the high tides, the sunset ,the vastness of the sea which stretches on to infinity ,and beyond...the birds enjoyin the breeze and floating the same point for a few mins before lettin the wind take em back,and then repeating it until my eyes got tired!!!
Well , i had my moments of fantasy too ,and hoped that suddenly the black pearl would rise out from the depths of the sea and Capt. Jack Sparrow would greet us wid his-'Alas!U will always remember this as the day when u almost caught Capt. Sparrow!!!"
Though once gain ,like alwayz....i wished that the next tym when i sit next to the sea -i have somebody by my side apart frm the loneliness and the sea gulls...
The rainfall
With the onset of monsoons,the rains lashed incessantly against the windows of the hotel room day and night...it was no less than a spectacle fr us delhiites and we revelled in it heartily...to see those palm trees swaying to and fro with wet greenery all around and that too ,through the window glass well-dressed with water droplets was no less than straight outta a dream,and why wouldnt it be...given the fact that we dont usually get to see such a thing ...
The rain always has the potential to bring old memories ringing back , and that makes it all the more enjoying....i kept on listening to that sweet music of the raindrops striking against the wet ground with the expression of pure rapture on my face ,and hoped i would freeze with time,coz this is what i call-nirvana...
The palm trees
Hmmm....palm trees are to goa what pines are to the mountains,and to see them with their natural splendour in a perfect setting with hills in the background and the sea nearby is endemic to goa!! How the trees fan out their big leaves to catch the strong breeze is another marvel to be appreciated, sumthin which makes em luk akin to a wind mill!!!
Though theres a downsidie to it..u cant afford to stand beneath one -not just coz it wont give u much shade,but also becoz of the fact that they are heavily loaded with their cannons-the coconuts and a stubborn one might reward u with one straight on ur head!!!
The roads and the drive
One surprising fact that one seems to encouter in goa is that inspite of the heavy rains and the tourist rush,the roads seem as new as if built of an everlasting material.. no pits ,no water-logging...after what we see happening in mumbai -without even half the rainfall that goa receives-its actually quite amazing!! And what with the hills surrounding you and the sea running parallel ,driving in goa is absolutely fantabulous...whats more ,i drove about 60 kms(and that too mostly above 70 kms/hr) everyday without encountering a single traffic signal or a scratch on my car!!!Kewl i'd say...
The mini-cruise
Obviosly, this doesnt come within even an inch of the splendour and ecstacy that a full-fledged cruise offers...nonetheless,the 1 hour ride aboard this state govt run evening cruise is full of unadulterated and adulterated fun!!
Traditional dances ,drinks, the view of the capital city on one end of the river mandovi and the hills on the other end and to top it all ,a dj in the end....its worth a try!!(hey i'm not promoting goa,k!!)
Inox
Mostly unheard of in the north,this is the biggest multiplex in goa n mumbai...with tickets starting frm 150 bucks ,one can easily imagine what to expect...The lobby and waiting area is enormous and really cool with its awsome speaker system blaring out the latest hits,and its complete with a baskin robbins store and a lounge too!!!
And before the muvi starts is the real surprise- u are requested to stand as the tune of the national anthem starts playin and even before u take a second to be dashed amazed and luk at each other's faces,u find urself singin it wid full nationalistic fervour and pride!!
Though the multiplex is cool...but if ur'e watchin a drab movie like Jhoom... ur'e bound to come out complaining ,and so did I ,to my despair...but i soon gt sobered down by the rain which graciously welcomed me as i stepped outta the complex!!!
Well,there's a lot more to goa than just the aforementioned ,but i'd not like to go into all that ,coz obviously u cant expect me to describe the temples,churches and the places with breathtaking views here...i'll leave that for u...hehe
Did spend a lotta tym in the swimming pool doin ...obviosuly swimming....and being able to while away tym in a pool and not on the net was a big releif !!! Did miss out the company of freinds...had there bin some wid me,i'd have gone all out to explore the discs in town and rented a bike to soak in d pleasure... but unfortunately i was stuck wid parents ,and could hardly think abt goin to a nightclub without an eyebrow or two being raised...but ,my dear,such is life....
Hope u've found this post awfully boring -but the pleasure is all mine!!!!!
Me AGAINST Myself!!
Hmm...no particular reason for this post....just coz things stagnate too quickly and become stale,i dnt want my blog to be destined towards such an ill-fate...
And if u've come here before, u might have already noticed the make-over ,or whatever u'd wanna call it ,of my little blog ,and just to bring ur attention to the state of affairs, i'd want u to scroll down to the bottom too....not that i want any adulation or credit for the sudden beautification or mortificaton(whichever u prefer) of this space...all i want is that nthin "new" shud be missed out...lolz...
Ok,now that ur'e most probably back from the trip down memory lane(read a scroll-down-my-blog-and-back-to-post), you must have diverted ur attention to the appearance of the spidey ...and if ur'e mind is racing too fast, it wud've also duped you into thinkin that like many others,i've also bin caught wid d spidey-bug(both literally and figuratively). And even though ur imagination has quite hit the bull's eye(and why wouldn't it....given the fact that the bull itself has a gigantic eye!!)..that's not quite the purpose of this pic here. If u know me well, the thought that it must have had some philosophical significance must've already hit ur head at the first go itself(though u'd not hesitate to admit that i managed to get u stray on to unwanted territory all this while!)...
Dunno why but this pic kinda gives me a sense of deja-vu,u know..the bin there done that kinds(and why wouldnt it,given the fact that i was spidey-dized in the paint-a-face competition long back)...but still it runs down deeper than that,and kinda reflects a universal truth....that of the dark side in all of us...somewhere hidden deep in the intricacies of our souls,and one which makes its presence felt from time to time...an inseperable and yet loathed part of the human psyche and as well-blended (or ill-blended ) u might prefer as coffee with milk,or sugar wid ice-cream(or the other way or whatever)....ahem,ahem.....no taste-bud-tingling here plz....
I know some of us will find this idea achrimonious and sulk if i start elaborating upon it,but i cant help it...its my blog and u can very well go satisfy ur whims and fancies and take sadistic pleasure outta them.....
Now if ur'e still stuck reading this,u'll be waitin fr me to unleash my philospohy ...well,if thats the case....let me make it simpler.Think of the following scenarios:
1)Ur'e sitting alone (or wid a bunch of frnds) ,having a nice coke,a burger and chatting non-chalantly,or to make it better ,sitting on one of those couches at mochas/CCDs...and u suddenly notice a guy all over a hot-babe in a nearby couch,and it all might seem so lucrid to you...but u'll newaz be wishing that somehow the very next moment,the girl slaps him and u manage to steal her attention wid a twinkle in ur eye!!
2) Ur'e watchin an important match between India and Australia,and at the very last delivery when India need 2 runs to win( and keep it the world cup final to make it better)...ur girlfriend comes and turns off the TV,takin the authority of the remote control,and pops the question...wont u just think once -"Why the devil r u here...just go and hang urself frm the ceiling fell....god damn it,i'm watchin the final deleivery of the final!!!!"(dnt blame me if the scene seems straight outta PKSE)
3)Ur'e girlfriend ditches u ....and the very next day u r seen flirting away wid girls and acting like a gigolo....even though u still love ur gf,who isnt yet an ex....but u can do anythin to induce jealousy!!!(the same funda can be applied in case ur'e a girl,though i'm srry if ur;e not dat kinda girl!!Bt what the hell....y shud i b sorry for it!!)
4)When at the naive adolscent age ,u were jealous of that classmate alwaz scoring marks higher than u ,or winning the praise and applause of most of the people around...and for once u wished -"Why doesnt he get killed in a car mishap??" or worse still...plotted a whole story to show him/her down in front of the others..
I guess this much is enough to illustrate that bit of demon which sits inside all of us....
On a more philosophical note ,we all ,at some point ,have enjoyed playin the demon...but in the process we hv failed to realize what it can do to the other person...All the above scenarios were thought in a very sarcastical manner ,and i myself havent bin akin to them at any stage of my life...but what i'm trying to say is ,havent we all changed ourselves in some way or the other and modelled our personalities on the basis of what's decent and what's not, just so that we can gain greater acceptability in a society that has defined arbit rules and regulations to judge a person...
Havent we all had our times,when we stood in front of the mirror,and wondered -"Whats happened to me -am i still the same guy that i was???" What we see is not a reflection of our own selves ,but what the world has made of us...all those bruises and pain are all visible and so is the insesitivity ,and aloofness that's left our li'l brain cells addled... The familiar voice that still speaks out frm the depths of our hearts is still audible ,but do we really want to hear it??? Do we really want to give a chance to those very emotions that have let us down everytime ,everytime we laid our trust on somebody ,or something that felt familiar outta the crimson lives that we lead..
Bruised ,broken ,let-down,all of us have perpetually put that mask on our faces ,to hide our true selves from this world,to seek comfort in that cocoon we built for ourselves,to remain under the ageis of only our pure soul,the only part of us which is still untouched ,and which still lives... Its so much better to show off this part of us which doesnt even exist and why not,when every1 just seems to love it and swear by it,and when everybody else does the same...we've learned to pretend and now we are so adroit at it that we seemlessly keep on doin it day after day...and even sometimes when we did let it fade and showed up our true selves ,this cruel world has pushed it further deep down,only to be taken place by a murkier mask,and this vicious cycle endlessly goes on...
Yes ,we are losing out ourselves in the race today,but we dont really have any option,coz our true selves arent allowed to participate ,leave alone move ahead...We think we know people,but what we have known is only that part of the reality which doesnt exists ,and the actuality alwaz seems to allude no matter how hard we try... its like a matrix that we ourselves programmed ,but forget to add that module to unplug it,and now wer'e stuck inside forever.... it doesnt then matter how many people are there close to us today,their realities are still far away,outta reach..and that makes us feel,lonely even in a crowd..
Yes ,people know my name..and they call me names too,some out of affection and some for no reason at all,but do they know me at all??? Have they ever seen through this hallucination they face??Forget that ,they dont even know themselves well....
I guess no point bragging about a lost cause ,coz newaz there's no point in trying to change our destinies,and its too late to change the path that we all have taken,and in any case there's no other path which isnt devoid of loneliness...for the moment let us seek solace in the fact that wer'e one among many ...nobody likes to be the pioneer of an unsuccessful movement,and what the heck...who has the tyme??All that we can hope is that this is a nightmare,which soon would end...and hope is all we've got...till then lets keep hating love,keep disrespecting respect ,keep treating others like zombies,keep tearing away feelings ,keep picking the thorns and throwin away roses,until one day a voice calls within you-
WAKE UP U MITE BE DREAMIN...
||~Memoirs of the 4th Sem~||
There’s nothin worth writing home about this sem, and even as I say so ,it has sprung so many surprises that I knw its one sem that I will never be able to forget for the rest of my life….It seemed like most of the things that’ve happened since the beginning of this year have been straight outta a dream,or better put ,a nightmare(though yeah on some instances ,I’d stick to dreams),for the tears I’ve cried,if taken together ,would easily suffice one month’s water requirement for the complete hostel,if ,god forbid, anything happens to the water supply and ppl are left high and dry …Uhh,I know the thought’s not very appealing to any1 reading this space,but I couldn’t think of a better way to put it!!!
And as far as the smiles are concerned ,well….
Brace-less and in search of happy-ness
what an irony actually ,I used to be happy when I had the blood sucking braces on,and even as I tried hard to hide em ,I was continually given reasons to smile,and now that theyr’e off and I wanna show off dat broad grin, I realize it has been snatched away from me!!!
At first though,ppl hardly noticed my brace-less-ness,until I started pointing out…bt newaz it was a gr8 feelin to be back wid my original pair of teeth,though strangely the face I used to love had changed completely and strangely,my dentist liked it better…
CGPA dipping like temp. in January
Yeah,it was a shock to every1,including me,as my CGPA fell from a respectable 8.375 to 7.125,and that for reasons I still cannot fathom… Every1 kinda found an alibi in Counter Strike,but I had better planz than to blame a harmless computer game for my performance …after all ,I still aint mad for frags!!!
The Bakar-az
Hmm…strangely the bakar sessions this sem were unusually long ,and surprisingly quite "hatke" from our usual chitter-chatter… for the first time we began musing about our future prospects ,including the MBA prep,and damn, I was so influenced I went ahead to join Career Launcher(looking at the first series of packages makes me puke!!!)…then there were unusually long talk sessions about girls ,which left Bhutani so charged up everytime,that he proposed a new girl every fortnight!!!Phew!!! We still cant help but laugh at him,rather with him!!!
But I’d still cant forget one particular bakar session that I had with shubhi,standing in the middle of the road ,and how a group of girls passed us and greeted us ,and when they returned after 2 hrs ,they found us standing at the very same spot…they could hardly believe their eyes!!! It kinda always has to be one such session between us every sem,and I regret that its never more than one!!!I pity that guy though,had to bear me for 4 hrs with a fever on his head!!!
The Bus/Train-Travails
It seemed that the bus-rides kept getting bumpier as the sem progressed…Blaming the roads for the fiasco wont be correct ,coz most of the times twas my fault and the fact that the VOLVOs are hazardous to health made it all d more merry!!!
And by the end ,it seems it all got so intolerable that my "usual companion" realized I was no gud and gave up on me,and finally fought fr her rights!!!
Though I’d wanna blame the Delhi-U.P. fights which caused our dear shatabdis to desert ISBT ,and what it left behind was utter chaos!!
Ofcourse,the icing on the cake was the journey back frm Dehradun,where we had to sit on the bus floor!!
Srishti 07
Our annual hobbies club exhibition was a let down this time with no festivities and DJ around ,but it managed to earn me quite a reputation!! Not only did I,along with my 10 pointer frnd,win the first prize ,but I was elected the joint secy by a toss!! It didn’t end here ,coz now it seems I’ve bin promoted to the helm of the affairs –the post of Secy!!!
Though the last day of Srishti would alwaz be a part of my bad memories…
But it didn’t lemme down,and I gladly took the trophies to my partner’s room,who was caught by the cold,and was satisfied to share our success..
Ayush,who???
The 4th sem was also accompanied by the realization that I’m getting older…but hold on..arent u supposed to be forgetting things when ur’e graying…I guess goin by that ,ppl around me have gone older and I’m still young…How ,otherwise would I have remembered to wish my best pal on his b’day and still after listening to 5 mins .of my bakar ,he manages to ask-“Who’re you?” ,and even after being told who he’s supposedly talking to,he chips in with-“Who,ayush??”
How could he forget the voice that’s bin there with him through most part of his school life, the one which pleaded their cause to the snobbish principal and the one who laughed with him on the day of suspension…it takes a lifetime to create memories,but only a moment to forget it all….
Say-Na Say-Na
This goes out to the most popular word of the sem-“No”…
Be it an offer for chhole bhature(!!!),ice-cream(!!!),or an invite fr the auspicious B.D.,or just a talk,all I got was a “no”…
Be it a plead to increase a mark or two ,or a plead of innocence when I was accused of cheating,all I got was a “no”…
hey bhaggu,Kya zamaana aa gaya hai!!!
Bhawan days
This is a part of our lives which introduce some excitement into our otheriwse dull schedules ,and would continue to entice until the very last year of our stint at IITR...
It wasnt lyk the first year this tym around,when we(read me n rishabh) used to just go n squat in any bhawan day on its bhawan day and used to ask fr passes like beggars(just fr d gud food ofcourse,and I still remember how me,rishabh ,pulkit and twarit almost got killed in that stampede in azaad last tym)...we had no option at that tyme,but this time we had spread out in almost all the hostels and so i expected atleast a few,if not all invites...But much to my displeasure and agony,not a single invite came,and i was graciuosly brought bak to my first year days ...bt i dont mind begging fr passes ..as it is i'm one with ever-dipping levels of self esteem and self respect,and so it wasnt hard for me to start begging again...And given the fact that i know more than 75% of the people frm the 2005 batch,ranging across departments as diverse as electrical ,mechanical,civil,meta,etc etc and ofcourse the E&CE deptt,and even quite a lotta seniors,i managed to procure passes for 7 outta the 8 hostels(includin my own ofcourse,of which i had procured more than just a few copies!!)...
But in anycase,they left me “high and dry”...dunno when that shubh gharee is gonna arrive when i recv an invite!!
One nite@the main building
Hmmm...now stop stretchin ur imagination too far...coz what happened was completely harmless!!!
Was the ravindra bhawan day and after havin eaten until our stomachs ached and still managin 2-3 ice creams each,we endeavoured to stop by at the main building and the fact that we had to jump the fence and a guard was perfectly seated with a rifle in his hand didnt quite bother us!!We were armed too- with 3 guitars and a hunger for havin some clean fun...and so we put up our dharna and sat rite at the center of the main building,and started off wid our song and dance routines!! The guard's repeated warnings didnt dampen our spirits ...And then for 2 hours after that ,we made the IITR's center of admin seem like a caravan!!!
It isnt usual for us to have that much of fun at IITR,so that day i guess stands out!
Fervour -RJB bhawan day
Now this was one day when i tried to put everythin in place as it was last year...invited the same 4 ppl,and was lukin forward to it coz we all somehow knew its gonna be the best one among all the B.Ds…but again,I was given d cold shoulder!!!Only 2 of em came, and they were 2 busy wid themselves….bt newaz all I know is that we danced lyk hell and that stage we broke was one feat worth remembering!!!
The Drunkies club & the darker side of MEeeeeee
Although everybody knows what happened that night was just too much and too bad….dunno why bt I wanted to lash out at ppl in general….we had had an awesome bhawan day and so ppl kept wonderng why I felt so frustrated…I don’t know what came over me and I (or we) drank so much that the situation gt outta gear….dunno when I began to swing to and fro and we made our way to the busT…dunno what wud ‘ve happened if the 2 ppl who hadn’t drunk hadn’t joined us…. Dnt kno why I said all those things on the way ,and dnt know why I let the world kno everything that I had so well hidden from the world…I dug my own grave I guess…its kinda weird what alcohol can do to u….even when u know ur’e fallin in a pit,u dnt feel like getting out!!!
Though I had a terrible hangover d next day and missed all classes,bt still I for once felt gud that I had let out those feelings and the frustration that was welling inside me …
And that was the last time I ever drank!!!!Yucks!!!!!!!!
Convergence/Cognizance.jpg)
Cognizance this time for me mostly meant convergence,which took away 4 days of hardwork with only abt 1 hr of sleep each day ,that too while working…bt I’m glad that it turned out well at last and all our efforts bore fruit….200 ppl fr the 1st round was awsum…
There were a few things missing frm cogni this time round-esp the kaun-banega-chocopati,even though we had planned it since long….bt we never really got the time,and fr once I didn’t feel like doin it again…
Still ,there were sum things I enjoyed –bandish nite ,the 3 choco fudges at nirula’s all to myself ,the laser-cum-dj nite,and the world cup match!!!
And how can I forget ,the matherina debacle…how we gave up our only rest day to create slides ,sacrificed our 3 hrs of sleep that we had been entitled to that nite,spoke an impromptu at the PPT, and won hands down in the end!!!Yeah, 3rd outta 3rd ..thats awsum!!!I feel so proud!!!Hardwork pays u see….
I really feel gud though coz convergence gave me new frnds-abhishek,deb,shanky,ritika,shubham version 2,dig(our own SRK),and karan
Prakash restaurant
Wanted to write this small token of thx to the rest. For I ate so many meals there(90% of em alone) ,and had a lotta chapos too….also nt to forget the chapo I gave to one person I just knew existed(coz I wanted company!!),and how we are gud fnds today…
and of course,how they got fed up of 2 ppl fitin over chhole bhature and cheeze tamatar..
Shortcut
Hmm...this is sumthin that's quite interesting-how i used to jump the wall of RJB and reach prakash in 5 mins flat!!!Ate a lotta icecreams when there wasnt nebody to give company ,and used the shortcut heartily-it was an adventure in itself!!!
Fare-well
This was also a sem where I bid goodbye to so many ppl …. The M.Sc. waale kind n generous ppl,the MBA students who I usually wished whenevr our paths crossed ,and a temporary one to Neeraj,Bagghi,Praggy,and a few others whor’e off to Singapore…
I hope they wont forget me though … coz even as they go to a new place and a new lyf,I’m still stuck here in dis sweet prison!!!
The blow-my-CGPA-deptt
This one deserves a pat on the back!!!My CG has become a kinda bumpy ride...from 8.675 to 7.125 in sem 3...it was a roller coster fall!!!I loved it though
But i'm glad to be back in d race with 8.03!!
Thank-you’s
Finally time fr thank –you’s
1)Prerna-fr being there at the worst of times and helping me sail thru wid dose sweet msgs….
2)Shubham-fr knowin me inside out and bein the guidin lite all thru...for helpin me in the toghest situation...
3)Surbhi-fr being the wisdom woman(;o))...for all those words of wisdom on frndhsip and love...i wish the world was so ideal as u see it,and i wish ur philosophy could be agreed upon by all..
4)Sagun-for sayin those inspirin things even though he's a man of few words..lolz...for tellin me-"aupsy tere ko kya ho gaya??Hume humaara aupsy waapis chahiye!!"when i wasnt myself,and then tellin me-"stop thinkin abt things u'll never understand...apni cg bacha le aupsy..this is ur last chance!!"..i did it ghisuu!!!!!!
5)Bagghi-for givin me a chance to become the Joint secy and then promoting it to Secy,and for that chapo at prakash!!
6)Deepika- for being the only 1 frm the school grp agreeing to a "get-together" everytime!!!lolz
7)Gautam-fr invitin me to his sis's wedding....i'm xtremely srry i cudnt make it
8)Bhutani-for keepin me away frm smokin on that unauspicious nite when i had lost my senses...and fr bein there on the most unauspicious day of my life!!
wanna thank a lot more ppl here....many fr being there,and quite a few for lettin me learn some cruel lessons in life,the hard way....
All in all ,the most unusual sem ever......
ThE DooNY-TunES!!
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12th May-the day that spelled independence for all of us...and the day when we had long-planned to take that special trip to dehradun jst 2 celebrate the impending b'days of 5 ppl(though i was pushed into that list later on so that i could contribute some green bucks to the camaraderie,and in the fine mood that i was in,i heartily obliged)...though ,of course some ppl had other intensions which weren't safe and morally-sound!!!
We endeavoured to catch the 4 pm bus after shedding off the exam hangover from our shoulders (and face too with our evidently growing beards a clear tell-tale of our exam agonies) . We surprised the Uttarakhand transport guyz when we turned up in huge group of unmanagable 32 IITians ,and obviously we were the given the pleasure of an entire bus to ourselves….the journey was gud ,although since I was sleeping most of the time,what with signs of fever already hanging around my head,I have not much to recollect from it. All I know was that I kinda enjoyed that short hilly climb upto dehradun and the not-so-breathtaking views …
We landed at about 6 and made our way straight to the only place worth whiling away time in dd-Rajpur road…and outta utter desperation or to release our minds of the frustration that was welling up inside our opposite sex-deprived hearts, our heads began straying to infinite distances to catch a glimpse of that elusive hot bird walkin around with her equally hot friends firmly in tow. But as I had already warned ,much to the agony of the others,this was no delhi..and all we got was utter disappointment.
Feeling dejected or betrayed,in whatever way u’d like to put it,we strolled a bit along the happening hub of dehradun,which ,at that fateful time when almost 50 IITians were overburdening it with their unusual lingo,had been deserted by the “creamy “ layer of the society!! Maybe even the dehradun girls knew that IITR’s btech guyz are gonna have it done off with their end sems that very day,n so they ran off for cover !!!
As we reached our destination ,Yo!China,we figured out that we were only 20 ppl and the others had somehow gone astray… what happened???We supposed they prob ran after a gud-looking chick in the wilderness!!!Nah, it seemed they were makin their own planz fr d own evening…so v placed the order in advance and thought it worthwhile to hang out a li’l bit more until we were joined by the precarious missing part of our entourage…We had everythin frm ice-creams to puddings and then finally a reunion!!
Everybody ate their hearts out at Yo!China.Having ordered a sumptuous feast and having taken the most out of what the pockets of th 5 bakras cud give em ,they ate like apes gorging on food that has just been ordained frm the skies…And since I was one of the bakras,I restrained myself a bit and went along with what had already been ordered rather than adding my own part .From honey potatoes,veg schezwan sauce, lamb/rabbit/buffalo/chicken and a whole jungle of animals to the most exotic mocktails(read electric spark and blue ocean) everythin was ordered…The bill itself was enuf for us to digest the sumptuous meal that we had just eaten ..a whooping 5500 bucks…thankfully brought down to 5000…. Guess IITians are offered the 10% discount everywhere!!! We did eat a lot,but we shed a lot of weight too..our wallets felt lighter by 1000 bucks each (n this is fr d chapo givin bakras only) after a lotta bargaining and brain-smashin with the Yo!China guyz…
We snapped a few pics and then split up again…one grp proceedin with its planz to spend the nite in a Lounge and try out Tequilla just to get a feel of it(uh!!!!!!!!!!!),with 4 non-drinkers firmly in tow for post-Tequilla team management purposes ,and the other too worn out to even eat an ice-cream and dragging their legs to the ISBT(and that,ofcourse,included me!!) .Dnt really know what happened to the drinkers’ gang ,except that they did try out tequila and danced their hearts out,as was reported by those who were left lookin after them ,but enjoyed,nevertheless.But to our horror,no bus at the ISBT ,was ready to take passengers for roorkee,coz as it seemed ,there were ample passengers fr delhi,and even though we were 15 ppl and cu’ve given the bus-wallas a decent business ,and even as we were haplessly standin near 4 shatabdi’s standin in line ,we cudnt find a bus to ferry us bak to that sweet prison called IITR…Twas the case of “water water everywhere ,not a drop to drink”,and we shared Coolidge’s popular predicament.
Finally ,a bus conductor had mercy on us and even as it was filled to the brim ,and we weondered how we were supposed to fit in,we were offered a chance to hop in and undertake a unique standing journey all the way to rrkee!!!Even the passengers were left aghast at how 15 ppl (bechaare bachhe!!!) would go all d way standing to delhi(ofcourse they never knew we were a bunch of IITRians)…No option in sight,we shoved ourselves in and fr the nect 15 mins ,kept on our frail legs which were already giving way. We couldn’t take it any longer and decided its better that we sat down on the bus floor itself!!!It was kinda weird at first ,coz …I dunno it was just weird…and even as the ppl stared at our desperation ,they were equally helpless…thank gawd they closed all lights,we were saved the embarrassment fr the rest of the journey… I kept on wondering if a citizen of this country(leave aside the IIT tag) deserved such disrespect and even as I did so,a bag from the heaven above fell straight on my specs and they broke in two!!! Too tired to feel anything ,I just let it be and kept on staring at the stars which were visible from the vent opening on the roof of the bus, thinking once again of how as children we used to wonder-“we’ll be one of em one day when we die”…Well,if that’s the case I’d love to die…..jpg)
SUMMER WIND...
As i stand on the brink of the completion of my second year at IITR,i've grown to hate this place in more ways than one...Initially twas just the place,n now the people too....coz all i know is whenever i've tried to look for a friend here,more often than not ,i've hit the dirt...Nd so i guess the tym is right to take a firm resolve -never to trust any walkin creature at this weird place..."friendship" isnt sumthin that is the norm here...i'm completely fed up of people...just wanna take my degree as soon as possible and move outta here....
This is the last poem i'll wite this sem n this one goes with a heavy heart...........
The summer wind,
came blowin' in
from across the sea
It lingered there,
so warm and fair
to walk with me
All summer long,
we sang a song
and strolled on golden sand
Two sweet hearts, and the summer wind
Like painted kites,
those days and nights
went flyin' by
The world was new,
beneath a blue
umbrella sky
Beside those killing fights
we climbed the mountains and scaled new heights
-and painted new colours
The breeze so soothin always blew
Every moment worth through and through
-one summer worth more than a thousand others
The young flowers
and the mellow colours
-the sweet intoxication they bred
The clouds,stars and the rainbows
seemed like placebos
-a face that always blushed red
I had you besides for hours long
Those deep set eyes
had a captivation so frickin strong
There were promises made
and promises broken
things said
and things forgotten
Then softer than, a piper man
- one day it called to you
And I lost you, to the summer wind..
The sunset and the sunrise
The moon and the high skies
bring back your mem'ry
the fallen leaves were all that remained
in this pain that fate ordained
And here this road i walk,sleeps again...
When you come back I won't be here
They said and gently pulled me near
If you want to talk you can call
And no it's not your fault
I called n crawled
Tried to climb the walls
But a million tears was all i got
My solemn cry it couldnt carry
To you my friend,this summer wind...
The autumn wind,
and the winter wind
- have come and gone
And still the days,
those lonely days
- go on and on
And guess who sighs his lullabies
- through nights that never end
My fickle friend, the summer wind...
______________________________________________________
Chupke se kahin
dheeme paon se
Jaane kis taraf kis ghadi
aage bhad gaye
humse raahon mein
par to tum to abhi the yahin
Socha na suna
Kabka tha gila
Kaise keh diya -alvida.....
The Revelation~~My Angel
Hey ...i guess this post will seem interesting to a lotta people if they happen to drop by(which obviously aint gonna happen)....its sumthin that everybody has been so eager to know about ,and those who know, couldnt help musing about!!Since time immemorial(though only till we were fortunate enuf to be school kids!) -people have asked me-who's this angel u keep mentioning about now and then??Is it some1 from the class(yeah,they sure hoped it'd be a gr8 story to gossip about if a secret crush was revealed)..but unfortunately ,that wasnt the case!! Today lemme tell u about this angel..
A pleasant day ,a warm morning
Through the field and cobblestones i plodded
my way across Great Britain
at Liverpool my destination ended
Travelled through the portals of time
Counties and cities
with their proud histories
once spoke of their courage and valour
Now stood under the sky with vivid hues and colour
Mystified ,amazed and dazed
I had had the time of my life
Hoped the journey would never end
It seemed like heaven for a while
Never did i know my heaven stood ere waitin
Reluctantly shoved my bag into the car
that smile i kept on faking
Only to find myself at the gate
a huge mansion ,an amazing villa
i could hardly fathom the games of fate
Knocked on the door ,and it opened voila!!!
A bright light all around shone
Had i seen a queen sittin on her throne
The world melted
twere two letters i heard
"hi"-a sweet symphony twas
bt twas me who was the nerd
Kept staring in awe
Words i coudnt guffaw
AN angel i had seen
Or my tired eyes were being too mean
Annika was her name
made of stuff that could earn instant fame
Her sweet smell caught be in an instant
and for once i forgot my name!!
Those long brown hairs
and the dark set eyes
caught me up
like a blessing in disguise
The way she looked and the way she smiled
it seemed she had never cried
She sneezed and sneezed so high
She broke her back as the evening was nigh
In pain there she lay
but not a frickle on her face to say
The smile still beamed
and those eyes still dreamed
With the summer breeze
we talked at length
of grass ,flowers and mighty trees
She taught me to live
She taught me too smile
even when twas tough to walk a mile
She opened me up from shy
and gave that feeling i couldnt deny
Having lost the last drop of zeal
she told me about life
adn for once my wounds,she could heal
the pain i had seen would one day go
She promised me happiness to feel
Time flew and twas too short
I had to bid this heaven goodbye
In hell once again i would rot
She hugged me once
and she hugged me tight
twas more than enough i knew
with this memory i would face the night
For years i lived with that sweet mem'ry
in times when i reaped solitary
lost her contact too soon to beleive
her eyes i saw in my reverie
An angel she was
An angel of God
To tell me this life aint worthwile
To wish glory my soul could ride...
The waves of the ocean carry her voice
The raindrops remind me of her memory
in times when i'm left alone without a choice
And if u jus though that was my first love
i'd rather come and give u a big shove
coz an angel she was
An angel of God
To tell me this life aint worthwile
To wish glory my soul could ride...
So i guess all ur doubts hav bin put to rest and ur'e basically feelin sorry that this subject isnt worth a good round of gossip!!!
(bt who am i talkin to...HELLLLLLLLLLLO-----is nebody home?????????????)
GRILLED SANDWICH!!
Have u ever tried to compare ur lyf to that of a grilled sandwich???From the time it is a plain bread to the tym it comes out of the oven hot n tasty filled with a lotta stuff inside it!!
The analogy,I think is very apt and so,I thougt why not just put it to words…
STAGE 1.PLAIN BREAD
I guess this is the stage which is the most simplest to describe ,and we all ,every now and then pretty much wish we could get back to where it all started….
I guess the human psyche goes along the same lines…Wer’e but like the grilled sandwich as a child…innocent and cute,untouched by the cruel world outside,unaffected by the other such nice frsh pieces around em…lookin continuously at the elder ones’ and tryin to imbibe their qualities-trying to be lyk em every moment,and doing things the way they do…ready to fall into that trap ,which the world has woven for itself since long….
STAGE 2.DRESSING UP-CHEESE SPREAD
I can see water dripping from ur mouth already!!!But wait,hold on…its just that initial dressing up stage which gives the piece of bread a taste,a vigour, a nice soft feel…so that the one who’s gonna eat it mite well be tempted to do so!!!And that’s not all,woudnt u wanna poke ur finger into that dripping cheese once and put it to gud taste!!!
Its like that stage of our lives when we grow up for a li’l child to be a li’l boy-one who’s learned most of the good things his parents n elders could have tought him..when u talk sweetly ,and are the apple of every1’s eyes…Every1 wants to do that kid-talk with you,and wants to play around with you…wanna have a share of ur naughty escapades all the tym….wanna hug and kiss you …and be around you forever...
STAGE 3.DRESSING UP-VEGETABLES
Yeah,obviously a grilled sandwich is incomplete without vegetables(unless of course,it is a cheese grilled sandwich!!).Now this is where the garbage part comes in…though most of the people would relish the presence of these vegetables-some would prefer to deliberately let them fall down n get rid of them…
Now this is that stage of our lives where we’ve eaten that forbidden fruit of knowledge(which I’d say,mostly breads contempt),and gathered in our li’l minds all the stuff that lies before our eyes,in different forms,somethings which are digestible and some which aren’t…but nonetheless ,cluttered in our minds ,in the same way as our cluttered rooms at home…We hardly know what each thing implies and more often than once,we feel lyk we could have done without knowing a few things.This is the time when people other than those from our own circle start to influence us and cast their shadow upon us-and their presence seems to become indispensable for our very existence,and we become highly dependent on them…even if u take the tomato away,doesn’ tit still leaves behind a li’l orange coured water with a few seeds??
That’s the way it goes for us too…Although ,that’s also how we bring variety in our lives and have an option of choosing a path of our own choice-be just a cheese sandwich,or a tomato sandwich,etc,,etc…
And then somehow,the taste of that delicious cheese spread which so subtly lies underneath ,fades away….
STAGE 4.THE SECOND PIECE
Hmmm….one obviously cannot imagine a sandwich without it being a pair!!Yeah,this is the stage when the second fresh piece is kept over all the work done uptil this point…
As we grow into teenagers and then responsible adults ,we need people around to help put everything that they’ve learned all these years together …to support em in all walks of lyf,and keep their secrets hidden between the layers…Its here that we start to crave for that love and affection that we’ve lost somewhere down the years …to accommodate things that had seemed more important….and mostly try to find that one true match-a friend ,a soulmate,just anybody who could share everything-somebody who can keep up our lives in 1 piece!!
This is where we begin to let us fall ,to get entangled into that wordly web of lies ,deceits ,hopes n dreams-a world where nobody can survive without that mask on the face…
This is where it gets hard to tell one piece from the other…
This is where it becomes imposible to tell where it all started….
STAGE 5.THE GRILLING
Whoa…can u resist that sweet smell of the sandwich grilling inside the oven,teasin u with every breath u take,calling u to have a byte…
But there’s something more happening than just grilling….
Notice the gradual colour changes taking place in the bread…it becomes a shade of yellow at first ,at scatterd places,and then goes on to take a golden hue..until it becomes black at some places and golden –brown at the others….
Yeah, u guessed it right..this is the stage where one actually begins to fight the battles of life…tensions,depressions,illness,responsibilities …U become a responsible adult now and even start makin ur own grilled sandwiches,ur charm does increase and u have finally settled down….but what about this oven of lyf…it leaves you with marks deeper than any thing can ever erase…giving u memories to live with and people to die for…and everythin just leaves such a lasting impression on your persona…
And what about that time when you look in the mirror-and find the wrinkles slowly takin the place of that flawless skin and the vigour of youth fading away surreptitiously…
STAGE 6.THE GRILLED SANDWICH
This is the moment we’ve all waited for –the grilled sandwich finally comes out from the open ,hot and steaming –with a smell so irresistible that u wanna take it in with one big byte!!
That’s precisely when we’ve been there ,done that…
We’ve grown old and gained that precious experience lyf could have given us…. Celebrated all the victories and cried our hearts out for the smallest of failures…We’re bruised but not broken,and everything that we initially got with us is still very much there,and after all these years of toil,it tastes so much better now…There’s nothing that we change now,and there’s nobody who wants to change us …
Left to the mercy of the one who’s gonna eat us-God ,in our case ,we let ourselves flow to feel the high of that sweet poison-only to meet the end…and fade away into the hallows of time….
Now I lay me down to sleep..
I pray the lord my soul to keep…
If I should die before I wake..
I pray the Lord my soul to take…
Me Or Someone else???
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phewwwwwwww.....thats all what comes out when i try and speak somethin tonight....
Have bin awake since what seems lyk eternity now,and i know that my organs are gonna kill me if i dnt see the face of my bed soon...but frankly speaking, i'm not in a mood to do so....just wanna have a cuppa hot coffee and a muffin ,and someone to talk to,as i bid farewell to cognizance 07....
Lookin at myself in the mirror yesterday..
n was freaked out to see the image...
was it me or was it someone else??
I remember a guy with small eyes
with big dreams in them
trying to stand on his own feet
crawling,scratchin himself
but trying ,trying everyday to conquer the world
with all that he could do
with all he could think of
was it me or was it someone else???
A smile that could never fade
An attitude that could melt a million hearts...
With a lot more than just bed n baggage
he stood there at the gates of IITR...
A new world beckoned him..
He knew this was the time
the day that he had yearned for
and not a single speck
could blur his vision...
A vision which he long had
since the day his father pushed him out of the house
he knew he'd go one day...
and now the time was nigh...
Was it me or was it someone else??
He got a world to live,
a life to lead...
He got people to meet
and jeers to heed...
He got weeks to hate,
and weekends to love...
He got fame and endless names,
but not for once that elusive touch of happiness
He tried to make the best of it...
and got through the worst of it
but the tide of time could not carry him through
locked up inside that hole,he dreamt of flying high one day
those dreams nevr came out true....
He'd got nothing to do,and nobody to talk to
On memories he lived,on dreams he survived
Mistakes he did make and couldnt rectify
coz he had crossed the line too far
entangled in the web of his own ignominy
he lay there wondering
Was it me or was it someone else???
He wished an angel
in its arms he could fly away from here
from this dark cold room
and the endlessness that he could feel
To be pulled from the wreckage
of his silent revery
In the arms of his angel
He would find some comfort here...
The angel never did come
and trapped in his solitude
he lay hopeless ,his eyes bleeding with the thought...
Was it me or was it someone else??
The pages of time turned
and took him into a new world...
a world which was anything but ordinary
a world full of new people....
the stories he heard,and the laughter that reverberated inside him
all seemed to be so invigorating,so sweet
he couldnt help but let himself lose
and let him know how it feels to back in the race
to be back in the crowd
to be back with his smile
for a while he was the king
everythin seemed to be so god damned rite
Was it me or was it someone else?
He knew it wont last long
"all good things come to an end"-they say
He knows now he's got nothin to expect
friendship isnt a word in the dictionary here
He's sick of being left out everytime
he's stuck inside a world he hates...
He's sick of everyone around
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies...
Everythin has come around
He knows now God must hate him
He cursed him for eternity
Was it me or was it someone else???
Lookin at myself in the mirror yesterday..
n was freaked out to see the image...
coz there's somthin so wrong in me
that i've got to live with
The times are a changing
With the spring in the air,
n pretty girls are everywhere...
Alas!!there are somethings which would never be there...
I wish i could write my story and have everything
forever and ever and ever
A story where nobody would bid goodbye...
But i still dont understand-
Is it me or is it someone else???
ALL I DESERVE..
Don’t know why I’m writing a post today ,never really had planned to write one ,atleast not on this old blog of mine…but kinda felt like talkin to some1 ,how does it matter if it has to be this space on my blog….atleast its my own,and I wudn’t have to worry about it getting bored of my crap!!
Have had more than just a hard time since the past 2 weeks…kinda feels like I don’t know how they went by…dunno abt the reasons ,maybe the tests,or the following week when I was bed-ridden with above-100 fever most of the time,or the weekend which just went by-belying my hopes of a great srishti ,same as that which happened last time…Yeah,had worked hard to put those stamps in place ,and then to get things going for the exhibition even when I was down with fever..and had thought that probably srishti would rock enough to break the monotony of life that had somehow set in after the tests..
But somehow ,there was everythin except the glitz and the glitter that was inconspicuous yet fulfilling the last time around…had nothing to do but while away time all the 3 days this time,with an occasional call of duty,as was expected from the future joint secy of the philately section…knew that I would win this time ,but it wasn’t something that really mattered …just wanted to spend some quality time after a prolonged sickness,but seems like it was too much to ask for …just kept on thinking,rather recollecting some memories outta the great event that we had last year,and all the fun that it could spare us…Tried to take part in a few events which seemed promising ,but was unlucky enough to be held back for being there without a teammate…Thought they’ll show us something worth the try in the star gazing events –but what I got in the end was a small telescope firmly focused on the moon(as if twas sumthin too invisible to the naked eye!!),and loneliness atop that dingy ,open space above hobbies club-that too with all the lights closed and people listening to heart –wrenching songs at a volume which made it look deliberate on their part to worsen the mood of even the most jovial guy around…so jus kinda ran away …even the hostel tended to remain empty most of the time –with the gaming bug caught by the people and they,consequently ,spending larger parts of the weekend playing either cs,or the new attraction-aoe…dunno why they wanna dig their heads and hearts into inconsequential games all the time-I guess its ok once in a while or for recreation,or probably at times when one is feeling too frustrated with the inconspicuously boring life that we people are forced to lead here in roorkee…but to make it a daily habit is kinda degrading…Then somehow the great expectations that I had had with exhibition came down and crash –landed at such a swift speed that I hardly took notice ,but I think my digestive system kinda gave in –didn’t feel like eating all theses 3 days…was as it is in no mood in the afternoons to get back to my hostel 10 kms away –only to eat 2 small bites of that sickening sight called mess food,and then come back in that rotting hell called srishti-so preferred to stay put at whiling away time within hobbies club,and then in the evening got so late working and winding up the exhibit at night ,that I had to inevitably miss mess food…so it wudn’t be wrong to say that I’m currently starving ,but somehow don’t feel like satisfying myself with any kind of wholesome or unwholesome food…tried eating out 2day ,and that was something that I had decided I would do newaz-thought maybe would need the energy for the coming week and so I better fill up the tank,but almost threw up at the sight of food,and as a result ,came back in a situation worse even than was before…
Have won a lotta prizes today ,but still ,surprisingly don’t have that feeling of happiness that supposedly shud’ve been there…Then somehow realized that people don’t listen to me at all in any respect-not that I expect them to give in to my whims and fancies ,but hoping that atleast a polite request doesn’t go unheard isn’t too much I guess …And then I don’t understand what people have against me-even those who I don’t even know enough to hurt or with whom I cud’ve ever acted bad....Am I supposed to be the one to spoil the planz n wishes of the people around me??Maybe…bt that was never what I planned to do,or wud’ve ever thought of doing.. All in all,a pretty bad experience –now I think its better not to have any expectations from nething or nebody !!
There are so many things that I’d wish I could say-but I know probably people on the other side of the fence wont be able to digest it,and that scares me out,coz I somehow don’t wanna lose anybody outta the present lot of faces that are familiar ,or more than familiar to me…sometimes I wonder how it feels to be angry ,or to lash out at someone-coz its been quite a lotta time since I’ve done that…but maybe if I learn to be bold enough and say all that I want to at somebody’s face,only if I could ask the things that I want with a pinch of authority ,not caring about what else is happening around me,things would be a lot easier ,and then ,I believe ,people in general will change their ur’e-taken –for –granted attitude towards me …But somehow inspite of knowing all these things ,I prefer to be in the shadows ,sort of have got the habit of being kicked and pushed ,and know somewhere deep inside that its all I deserve,and all that I have ever earned…
WALKIN IN THE RAIN.......
After the normal embarrasing routine,the proff proceeded to the rest of the roll list,and i suddenly remembered ,one of my classmates had a b'day!!So i decided to wish him,but followin the style that the others have adopted ...as soon as his name was called,i started singin a bright-"happy b'day to u" ,and surprisingly the rest of the class followed,nd the proff clapped too!!
Twas raining heavily by now,and it had become dark and gloomy...bt i waz atleast happy dat i managed to do somethin atleast fr the b'day boy!!And as usual ,am not expectin nethin in return,not even a chappo!!
Yes ,this rain is different today ...and as much as i luv the rain,i wish i had somebody to walk with by my side....somebody's shoulder to cry on,and somebody's smile to rely on....or just somebody to read dis post...
I think i can write ne crap now...as much as i wish....coz i know no1's gonna read this space nemore.....so wid all due respects to my not-so -appreciable talent...here goes another of the crap masterpeices
Here comes the cloud again
With a crack of lightning
To show this nasty world again
Behind it ,there's no silver lining
Here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are
As my memory rests
it never forgets whot I've lost
And as real as it gets
my future died in my broken past
Ring out the bells again
a shattered cry of restlessness
Coz the ground is numb again
With the raindrops that washed my tears
The sun seems so far again
The clouds are now thundering
The sound of rain i hear again
But i dont hear anybody singing
The air is now pure again
But i cant seem to breathe
Guilt is what i've earned again
walls of attitudes choke my heart
Walkin in the rain again
I let my soul drift,
my road thins to a zinch
Memories that haunt again
were never meant to be....
IF ONLY....
Have been kicked out of class for the umpteenth time 2day...for being exactly 6 mins late...Have no other option to pass time ...so once again ,as is my habit,i'm day-dreaming ...but damn me,coz i know hw dreams never come true ...but i say,does it even matter ??The world is as u dream it to be,and i guess there are somethings i wish could have been true....
If only,miracles could happen on earth...
If only,the sky was green and the grass was blue(ah!!but this might be possible someday wid new technology specs!!)
If only,einstein and newton were never born(hehe,there wud've been so less to study,rather nothing at all !!)
If only,B.Tech course was only a year long (imagine gettin a job at 19!!)
If only,mobiles were never invented(this ,i think,has a lot of implications... definitely agree that mobiles hv helped me keep in touch wid every1 around or even far away...bt its so much better to talk 2 a person rather than pass on dumb sms's!!)
If only,the sun never came out the rain never stopped(hmmm...v cud cry fr hrs widout ne1 noticing!!)
If only,all our prayers could be answered...
If only,the Indian team could win every world cup(now dat isn't superficial ,who knows ,it mite just be possible someday!!)
If only, a heavenly voice could tell us things that the people around us have been hiding ..
If only ,people stopped bitching about each other (oh,i forgot ,hw'd the girls survive!!)
If only,there was someone to read the crap on this blog...
If only,i could stop talkin crap stuff...
If only,i could have someone to hold on to...
If only, i could speak my mind..
If only,I had been less blind...
If only, things could never go wrong...
If only,gud things never changed...
If only, i could be less optimistic about life ...
If only,i could have somebody's shoulder to cry on ,and someboday's face to laugh at!!!!!!!!!!!!
If only, someone could see things from my perspective,and stop being so selfish...
If only ,there was a GOD i could talk to....
If only ,people never changed their attitudes...
If only,people stopped takin each other for granted...
If only,I could have a friend who'd never say-"time does seem to pass kinda slowly when ur with him"...I shud rather say,if only ...i could have a friend who remained a friend...
If only,we could light the flame of compassion without getting burnt and bruised...
If only,we could see our future...
If only,dreams could ever come true...
INDIA POISED...
Dunno why i'm writin this post,and havn't even written sumthin like it b4,but i guess there ae sumthin's which i think I'd be proud of even in the worse situations-
"There are 2 Indias in this country.
One India is straining at the leash,eager to spring forth and live up to all the adjectives that the world has been showering upon us recently .
The other India is the leash.
One India says ,give me the chance and i'll prove myself.The other India says ,prove urself first and maybe then u'll have a chance.
One India lives in the optimism of our hearts.The other India lurks in the scepticism of our minds.
One India hopes.
The other India wants.
But conversions are on the rise.With each passing day,more and more people from the other India have been coming over to this side.And quietly ,while the world is not looking,a pulsating ,dynamic,new India is emerging.
An India whose faith in success is far greater than its fear of failure.An India that no longer boycotts foreign-made goods but buys out the companies that make them instead.
History ,they say is a bad motorist.It rarely ever signals its intensions when it is taking a turn.
This is that rarely-ever momen .History is turning a page.
For more than haf a century,our nation has sprung,stumbled,run,fallen,rolled over,got up ,dusted herslef and cantered,sometimes lurched on.But today ,as we begin our 60th year as a free nation,the ride has bruought us to the edge of time's great precipice.
And one India -a tiny little voice at the back of the head-is looking at the bottom of the ravine and hesitating.
The other India is looking up at the sky,and sayin-Its time to fly"
The anthem,as the TOI guyz call it-of course fr them ,its just another campaign...but the emotions that this anthem has evoked in people would go a long way in makin this country a plce to proud of...
Waz in delhi fr the extended weekend,around republic day ,that is...And that waz the time when this campaign found its really meaning...This R-day was different,it was more than just the parade,the national flag or just a holiday...twaz a day of reckoning,of beleivin that India is finally wakin up nd preparing iself fr the big flight...
Amused me a bit ,at first ,this campaign...but the vigour it brought to the countrymen this R-Day was unparalalled...For the first time ,people actually took time out to gauge the country's performance n almost every sector,nd the future prospectz...and it wudn't be wrong to say that each one of us could proudly beleive that we have contributed in a respectable way by our own standards...be it efforts at a socio-economico-political level ,or a smaller level...Frm taking our satellites succesfully to space,n being granted the US nod fr attaining nuclear proficiency to providing education to children everywhere,we've done it all...
Many things happened which nobody had earlier thought possible...wat started off as a plead of "justice 2 jessica" became a public furore ,albeit a unque way-through candle light marches and sheer voicing of public opinion...
A bill for OBC reservation made a few people venture out into the open with hoardings of protest ,but with the youth charged up wid d spirit of "Rang De Basanti"-it turned into a widespread movement ,a movement whch swallowed not only "students " but the most elite ones,frm the premier medical n engineering colleges of the country...with a protest march turning ghastly n endin in cruel lathi charges,people frm all over the country became one in the fire that raged within...nd frm the ashes was born "Youth For Equality"...nd hunger strikes,nd many more protest marches followed....so wat if we cudn't change the law,atleast we now know that we have the potetial to move mountains....
What started as a survey fr public display of affection (PDA)in its real sense, n its risin popularity at our place,with people gettin more n more comfy with their loved ones nd the dirtygazers turning into "let-em-be "ers,went on to the extent of PDA fr the country,and we suddenly started wondering why wer'e hesitant enuf to sport the national flag on our sleeves,or carry the brand India everywhere with elan!!!
The spirit reached its zenith this R-Day...India poised camps were held at the garden of five senses,ndpeople thronged in large numbers...not only that,i also saw a large no. of people walkin around the beautifully-decorated central secratariat,baskin in the glory,enjoyin their republic's 57th year with ice-creams,nd the chill wasn't enuf to stop them...
For once ,it made me feel proud to be an Indian once again,and think it well to beleive that our future's secure in the hands of our motherland..although the very next day ,when comin out of a crowded metro seemed impossible,it was me who fumed-"Is desh ka kuchh nahi ho sakta!!!"
If Tomorrow never comes...
I'm so tired of the straight line
It ain't no good worshippin
For all that i've been blessed with in this life
So if i die tonight
CAN'T SAY GOODBYE...
This is gonna b my last poem ....hv lost more than just the inspiration now...
Here I'm standing like an open book
In front of you - my page is turning
Pick a chapter , and take a look
What do you see
Maybe now you're learning
My heart's breaking only you can stop
The pain I feel, I can't give up
I ask the question that I need to know
Won't you listen to me
Please don't walk away - leave me behind
With these crazy feelings
No one is to blame - ain't that a shame
But I still believe in you
You're the one i call-"friend"
That is why I just can't say goodbye
Here I'm lying in my bed alone
What do I feel - another page is turning
Once again another chapter's closed
And in my mind I see our bridge is burning
I am falling and I can't get up
Seems so far to reach the top
The way I feel for you will never stop
Won't you Listen to me
Don't wanna walk away
Don't wanna let you down
Don't wanna see you crying
Just wanna see you smile
I'll never walk away
I'll never let you down
I'll never leave you crying
I just can't say goodbye
coz you're the one i call-"friend"
MY PAST LIFE....
Was just a bit bored today, nd nthin else to occupy my mind, i thought a little surfing wouldn't be of any harm...Was just browsin through the endlesness of wat i ,and many others who'd agree with me,call my second home-the internet,second only to mother earth, when i came across this weird lookin site-http://www.thebigview.com/pastlife/index.html.
It promised to tell me who i were in my "past" life using just my birthdate in my "present life"..
A laugh full of sarcasm reverberated inside me,and findin a great opprtunity to amuse myself,i entered my birthdate,and pressed the "Diagnose"(!!!) button...
I expected to see some details like my name in past life,occupation,how much i earned ,where i lived,how many wives nd hw many children i had,how i looked like,etc etc...I mean ,it would've bin fun dat way,would've bin even better had they shown me a pic of myself in the so-called "past life"...What i got was this(watch out fr ma comments in the brackets)-
"Your past life diagnosis:
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male(*thank god thtey didn't write a dinosaur or to make it worse,Adolf Hitler!!*) in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Hungary(*my my ,i was a hungarian !!*)around the year 1775. Your profession was that of a leader, major or captain(*whoa,can hardly think of being d captain of anythin else than our E&C deptt cricket team..*).
Your brief psychological profile in your past life:Timid, constrained, quiet person. You had creative talents, which waited until this life to be liberated(*wonder why talents had to wait 200 yrs to come to the fore,i mean if they never really were visible in my past life,how does this bloke of a guy knew they were inside me!!beats me!!*). Sometimes your environment considered you strange.(*Oh!yeah,ppl must've bin wonderin hw a brown guy was born in Hungary!!*)
The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:Your main lesson is to develop magnanimity and a feeling of brotherhood. Try to become less adhered to material property and learn to take only as much, as you can give back.(*was i some kinda gangster dat i realized in d end social work is my only liberation!!*)
Do you remember now? (*Absolutely,everythin is so damn crystal clear now!!Thnx fr tellin me,i'm off to Hungary to find my roots!!*)"
Whatever it was ,it serioulsy brought a big grin on my face ,and as usual i began to think a second aspect of it-even if its the only time that we've bin born on earth,we lead many lives in a single lifetime itself....
And even though the site gives crappy insights into somethin that might never have existed at the first place,it made me think about my own past life ,
someone that i was only 4 yrs ago,
someone that i was before the transition took place ,
someone whose reflection in the mirror cursed nd chided him,
someone who had suppressed the real me someone inside the depths of his soul,
someone who had forgotten to smile,to love and be loved,
someone who hadn't seen life beyon the comforts of his home nd the confines of his school,
someone who was dependent on every1 around him fr every bit of his life,
someone whose life was as colourless as a black and white tv,
someone who had been so laid down by a closed door,that he cudn't see the other 2 that had been opened...
bt it seems now that with a whirl of time,everythin has changed,that some1 has changed into a completely different person,and left that past life to decay in the gutters of time...
one who tries to match his step with the ever-increasing pace of this world,and picks himself up whenever he falls in the race...
one who perfectly identifies with his own reflection,smilin nd scowlin at it at the same time,
one who dreams a lot,and looks forward to makin em come true...
one who sees somethin good in everything that happens,thou sheds a tear or 2 fr everythin gone awry,
one who enjoys the melancholy of the sound of the tree leaves when he's walkin alone
one who firmly beleives in god n never asks Him-"Why me??"
One who thanks Him for His angel ,
one who sees love in every small thing,
one who pushes thru the darkness,coz he knows his destination makes it worthwhile,
one who's been a pawn,a pauper,a puppet, a pirate and a king...
I dont knw how many lives i'm gonna lead in my lifetime,and how many roles i'm gonna play,
bt i just know one thing ,each time i start afresh,i'll thank god fr the "past life" coz without it i wudn't have bin able live thru the present one...
