IF TOMORROW NEVER COMES....

Burning Hearts

2011-08-12T01:46:00.003+05:30

On an empty canvas of love,

they tried to paint a shade of red.

Little did they know then,

it'd be the colour of the tears they'll shed

They loved, until they couldn't love no more,

until their eyes burned with desire.

Little did they know then,

that their hearts would burn with fire

A fire, unquestioned, unrivaled, unscathed,

rose up from love's pyre.

Reminding them of unkept vows,

it consumed them in an untamed spire.

No water could ever extinguish its ire,

No rain ever quenched its thirst.

WIth all the tarnish eating into them,

Beng cold blooded is the only way they'd trust.

And all that's left in the end,

like fighting kites, like aimless darts,

fooled by love, fueled by love,

are two burning hearts.

Oh girl! Did you ever stop being vain?

Oh boy! Did you ever see her pain?

Once bitten twice shy,

but once burnt only rusts.

The colour of love starts to bleed,

until every drop is replaced with lust.

"Pick up the ashes and move on", they wonder,

"What about the faith broken?

What about that world you gave me and tore asunder,

Why did you just leave me yesterday as a token?"

Now life is all about hiding the scars,

listening to the broken symphony of what used to beat like a heart.

Learning to live in a world without a morning star,

Their canvas is black and white, love is a forgotten art.

And all that's left in the end,

like fighting kites, like aimless darts,

fooled by love, fueled by love,

are two burning hearts.

The Incredible Indian

2011-02-14T01:09:00.000+05:30

They say India is well on its way to becoming a superpower. They feel proud of the country's rapid economic growth. They celebrate the high stock prices, and rejoice the growing political and cultural clout of the country. They stake claim to a permanent UNSC membership. They call it 'Incredible India'.

Really now? Well, i'm not against my country's growth nor am I against the opinion that India is making great strides in every field, right from swindling millions of rupees in scams to winning the most prestigious international contracts. I just think that in pursuit of the 'incredible' we have lost touch of the 'credible'. India is good, Indian is not. I don't know if losing the culture and letting in western influence was a big deal, but I just cant stand the way we have dumped all our values and mannerisms. Perhaps, we never really had them? Yes, we will be a superpower one day. A superpower of zombies - lifeless, valueless, devoid of all emotions that maketh a man.

While there are several examples that I can use to elucidate my point, I would only go as far as my aching back allows me today. I'm particularly pissed with the way the Indian entertainment industry is doing its best to pluck out all possible humanly emotions from each one of us, be it a poor villager who can't afford a day's meal, or an educated westernised youth with all mental faculties peaking. And with time, its starting to show in people's behaviour and mannerisms. I dont really watch TV a lot when I'm in Bangalore, but I can't help laughing my ass off looking at all the tv shows my parents, my grandparents and my sis watch whenever I'm home. Its not even their fault, becuase TV's an obvious form of entertainment for them for whatever time they have during the day after all the daily chores. But what's shown on TV is what bothers me.

On the one hand are the innumerable family soaps, which should be given a "100+ and still alive to watch" rating. I never understand how people even digest the utter crap they show every time, episode after episode. Saasu maas exploiting teenage married bahus, exploiting grandmothers trying to screw a girl child's life, jealous bhabhis mixing pepper in food cooked by the innocent bahus, husbands spying on every move the wife makes outside the house - hatred, envy, vanity, pride, heartache, wham bam damn! Its like every house in TV's tinsel town is trying to plot against every inhabitant in new and innovative ways and somehow burn itself down.

The other end of the spectrum belongs to reality shows like Emotional Atyachar, Splitsvilla, Big Boss, and the likes on Bindaas, MTV, etc. Although I do think they're much more entertaining than the former class of TV shows and much more watchable for pure entertainment purposes, they still only add up to the big black hole of values that could make us a better class of people than we are, or are becoming. By trying to show that all one cares about is sex and money, they not just pass on a wrong message, but also corrupt many impressionable minds out there. The day is not far when people become so comfortable with whats shown that they wont bother when all this happens in real life, so much so that they'll even start doing it themselves. No respect for relationships, shallow mindset revolving around scheming, plotting, and not even thinking twice about right or wrong - all of this is getting branded on every Indian as the years pass by.

Ofcourse we all know what a joke the news channels have made of such a serious subject as news. You would think no1 can screw up something as simple as an omelette, and yet you watch these channels screwing up facts every day. A scientific approach to disseminating the correct information to the masses is the least one would expect of a news channel. Not an indian news channel though. In this age when everyone wants to get away from superstitious beliefs and old, outdated thinking, the channels seem hell bent in bringing it back in fashion!

While Indians are busy trying to recite the last rites for their values and righteousness, the west is exalting every possible possible human emotion by atleast the ways which creative media allow. I've been watching US and British TV shows atleast since the last 6 years now, and even though all of them may not seem too generous on good stuff, atleast more than three quarters convey beautiful messages through each episode. While shows such as OC show how family bonds can help one overcome any kind of trouble in any stage of life, shows like friends, How i met your mother, etc keep the funny bone tickling and yet explore the different facets of friendship, without any stupid negativity coming in the picture. Even superhero shows like Smallville always build the episodes on a theme - love, family, friendship, pride and honour, humility, truth, etc. There are shows that make you laugh, ones that make you cry, and everything in between too. Yet, they have an underlying feel good factor about them, that fails to find parallel in modern Indian entertainment industry. Think about it, when was the last time you actually saw something on indian TV, other than a politician accepting a briefcase full of bribe, that actually gave you goosebumps and made you think?

Creativity, too, seems like a forgotten art when it comes to Indian TV. All I can see in the name of creativity these days is - some very lame stand up comedy shows, and some very very lame news headlines ("Indian Cow kidnapped by Alien spaceship"). I miss the good shows - Banegi apni baat, Just mohobbat, dil kya chahta hai, special squad, khichdi, sarabhai vs. sarabhai, and so many others before these. They were atleast light hearted takes on different situations in life, and more closer to reality than the current crop of shows.

My point, after all this ranting is, that the west is generally growing happier and more positive in its outlook. People genuinely take interest in the life they live, and not just stuff they have to do everyday. With the global churn and changing landscape, India is growing more powerful, but with each step ahead, Indians are losing it, on all levels of humanity. I dont know the last time when I met a stranger in this country and noted some genuine compassion. I have, in all my innumerable visits abroad, atleast found much warmer handshakes, hugs and eye contact. For Indians, the whole world can go to hell. Its my friggin world and I dont care what anyone's doing, its my friggin road and I can drive wherever I want, its my frigging piss and I can dispose it off wherever it's clean enough to do so, its my frigging govt. and I can earn as much money as I desire, by any means possible. What a shallow race we have become. And I blame the media and entertainment industry in part, for whatever small amount of recurring damage it has been doing since the last 10 years. I hope we can get our act together and, if nothing else, atleast play the Incredible Indian in a credible way - because when this country goes into a huge financial recession, or a nuclear war, all the vain vanity will bury its head in the ground, and all that will be left will be an ass to kick.

The House That Built You

2011-01-26T23:58:00.000+05:30

It seemed like the clock was suddenly moving in reverse motion. Amidst the yellow fall leaves in the backyard, he stood and looked at what seemed like a different age, a different time, and a different him. As he inched forward, his feet seemed to awaken a thousand fallen leaves from their slumber. The gate had creaked open this time though, and the grass stood a tad taller than it used to. The sunlight sieving through the trees looked faded, just like everything else about the place. The house that stood in front of him, that he'd once called home, now stood amidst overgrown bushes, like an old painting slowly draining off its colour, just like his cheeks that flushed bright red, and his hair that once shone dark black.

He looked at the dark wooden door with the number plate - 13, still intact, as if some strange power had preserved the sheen through all these years. The number spelt doom for most people, the unlucky 13. And yet, for him, it was an inseperable part of his life, in almost everything he did. He turned the doorknob slowly, knowing and yet not knowing, what beholds him. With the stale air that rushed out through the small crack in the door, rushed in memories of his childhood, memories of the times when life was as simple as the cricket game every evening.

If you could drink the water while the river is still bluewhile the winds still fresh and the soul still new
you'd give anything to see your reflection
in the myriad memories of the house that built you.

He was only 5 when he'd come here for the first time, too young to care where he was, how his life will be, and what he's gonna make out if it all when he grows old. The hand that was writing the book of his life was still warming up with a cup of coffee, and was in no mood to twist the story in unsuspecting turns. Life was good - the only thing that mattered was how to finish off the boss in the new video game he'd started playing. Cricket was always compulsory - whether played or watched on TV, and studies were a no-brainer. Dressing up was a trivial task and talking to a girl was never about getting her to have coffee with you. The world was white, the world was black.

The carpet has little footprints from the little white shoe,
The room upstairs where you did your homework smells of mildew.
Buried under the cobwebs and the dust of ages,
all you want to take back are memories from the house that built you.

He made his way across the hall and noticed the old clock that chimed every hour, still looked fresh and ready to sing. He found the old drawing books he used to paint mickey and donald duck in different poses, and got a glimpse of his first signature in them. He'd once thought he'd become an artist when he grew older. How naive was he to think that way, how confused too. The old wooden table with his name etched on it reminded him of the long sickness he went through, and how this table had doubled up into a dining touble as well as activity center when he was too weak to get up from the bed. He felt a strange connection to everything around him, as if everything was still trying to call out to him, in some inaudible frequency range, reminding him of the olden days. The diary where he wrote his first stupid poems and strange things looked as if it were scribbled only a while ago, and yet he knew that it had been abandoned a long long time back. He had grown out of these diaries. He had a blog now, something that made him feel part of society, and something that increased the number of results google showed on his name. Identities that were once made with school id cards with stamp size pics had ceased to be acceptable as genuine proofs, ever since characters had started to be built on the internet.

Problems were more but the worries were few
For a change there was no payment ever due
Listen closely and you might still hear the sound
of an innocent, hearty laugh in the bricks of the house the built you.

He found his cricket bats and wickets still neatly stacked together, and suddenly found himself in the middle of the makeshift playground, running after the bowl, trying in vain to save yet another boundary. "Why can't you run faster?", was the usual rhetoric, with which even God seemed to agree with a sideways smirk. Another day, the sky in shades of pink and orange, and yet another bowl delivered full length to the bulky batsman. The red bowl was hit hard, a bit flighty, and he was at mid-on. This time, he told himself, this time he'll prove it to them what a great fielder he is. This time, they will respect him. This time, he will catch the red bowl coming on at 100 kph and make them proud. The bowl came straight to his face and he put his left hand in front of it just in time. It hit him too hard, a loud thud followed and he found himself back - staring at the old bat, looking at his hand that thankfully didn't have to bear a life long burden of his daredevilry.

Buried in the old playground, your innocence lies
Where the wind still whispers to the old swings, sweet lullabies
To have wings and gamble to win, was but an innocent lesson that upon you grew,
as you moved away from the house that built you

He had come here after all these years not for an annual inspection though. He had a higher purpose. After all these years of wandering, trying to realize his childhood dreams, he knew he had outgrown his childhood itself, too early, too fast. He thought the touch of all these memories will heal the void in his heart, will let him dream again just like he used to, and make him see his future in technicolour hues. He was someone else outside, but here in the house that built him, he was what he was, and was always meant to be. He looked at his old casio and wondered where the melody has suddenly disappeared in everybody's lives. Did fate, or God, upload it on youtube, while trying to give it a try? He saw his old piggy bank, and it was still heavy with all the coins he'd collected over time. Only now the futility of the whole exercise struck him. Wouldn't it be so much better if we were to save our souls, our happiness, in bits and pieces, so that we could only find the treasure later when we needed it? As he looked around, he saw memories, glimpses of his past, scattered all over the place. Its going to be a long, fulfilling day, he thought. And as the summer sun cast familiar shadows around the house, he felt himself slipping back into time.

He had built his own house today, yet he never felt more at home than he felt in the house that built him.

Trying hard to hold on to the yesteryears, as time writes a premature eulogy
don't let the grip loosen on your life's symphony
Dancing with the hubris of your desires for too long if you do
just think of the simple times in the house that built you.

Painted in concrete...

2010-09-26T01:51:00.002+05:30

Painted boat upon a painted sea,

coz your life's all concrete.

It once bore you to the shore,

and waited till you didn't care for it anymore.

The waves that licked the strings,

did not wait for the tide to turn.

They carried it away and afar,

while you roamed about in a shiny car.

The waves are still in spite,

yet the boat would still fight.

Until the wall around you breaks,

and the earth around you shakes.

Will you swim the fiery sea

And reclaim your life while its still twilight?

Or will your life forever be concrete -

only a painted boat upon a painted sea?

You Raise Me up

2010-04-27T02:57:00.000+05:30

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be

I dont know when was the last time I truly felt this about someone in my life apart from God, ever since the time I went away from my grandparents and came to Delhi. I was barely 14 - left at my own to sail through the murky waters of life - without anyone to raise me up. And today when I look back, the very bonds that make a person who he is and raise him to become what he does - look all broken to me. A big question mark hangs when I try to recall parents, friends, relatives...

I'm sure it wasnt me who went wrong. I was only seeking something that this world wasnt ready to give - love. I've taken care of myself all this while - raising myself up on just one thing - an undying faith in love. But I'm so tired now of keeping undying faith in a dying commodity - my shoulders are so weak, that i wish someone were here to raise me up for a change.

What happened to us? Why did we all become so stone hearted? Why is all the love ( love not just between lovers, but in every sense of the wor(l)d ) out there busy playing ostrich - so afraid to stick its neck out and always afraid of being beaten back down?

Will anyone today say -
ab jaan lut jaaye
ye jahaan lut jaaye
sang pyaar rahe
main rahu na rahu...

Bah! Humbug.... love isnt worth dying for

One last question - what do all the above pics mean to you?

Average is the best...

2010-03-27T01:39:00.001+05:30

I was wondering if pursuit of the best- every time and for every other thing - is really the best thing to do. All my life, I've done exactly that - and the life that I live today is a testimony of how good or bad it has been. Ensconsed in a degree from a premier university and a job at a reputed MNC, I can safely look back and think about how things couldve ended differently, still without the guts to have done things differently! But what when you sacrifice your childhood, your teenage to make a brighter adulthood, which again ur'e gonna be spending on making a better future? Its a struggle for the best, where best = struggle for the best. Nice infinite loop, but seems like we(atleast some of us) really enjoy getting sucked into it. Now I feel so regretful because everything has turned out horribly wrong, and there's nobody else to blame but myself.So i guess i'm just thinking about being an average for a while.

I, for most part of my life, have never known being average i guess, except in sports of all kinds. In junior school, I was the best debator & elocutor, best singer, best student, best writer, best friend to many... and the list goes on. Strangely, I never ran after being best at these. I guess I got lucky. Things changed when I shifted base to my parents' place in Delhi. I sudddenly found myself an average guy in a new school, in a new city which was completely alien to me. It was tough to find a place and respect among the new people. It was suffocating to live like this - with everyone around, including your parents, after your life. I guess this is where I started fighting for my place - started striving for the best.

New school and 'home' somehow started to have a bad influence on me - the best debator began to stutter, the best singer lost his voice and sense of music, the best student began to forget his lessons, the best writer just went into hibernation, and the best friend to many was left without a friend to boot. Yet two things survived in me - love and the ability to laugh at myself, and a lot of it.

What started as a mission to leave home turned into preparing for the hallowed IITs (i'd heard they had hostels!) - another race for the best. Fortunately or unfortunately, I got through. Four years of hell further beat up the best in me and tried their best to carve out the average. There were no friends - only competitors. Racing for the best was not a choice, but the only option. But this wasn't the one I was gonna win easily. The average me slowly but steadily took more control. I had long lost the bests in me I had had during junior school years. The other two things that had survived till then also started falling apart. Laughing at myself no longer remained an ability when everyone else was already laughing at me. My idealistic concepts of love and friendship were bludgeoned by somebody I thought was my best friend. Self esteem just ambled away too i guess. And now i dont know if i'm even capable of loving. Getting an average job and average CGPA in the end was just the icing on the average cake.

Coming this far, I really feel average is better than the best, except when the former comes after a desperate race for the latter. I'd have been a much better person had I always been average. So what exactly is the 'average' that I talk about here?

Average is the person who doesnt have the biggest of brains, and thats why uses his heart more often.

Average is the student who knows his literature, but isn't obsessed with it.

Average is the employee who works long hours, but doesnt forget to live his life.

Average is the one who can get away doing what he wants and not what should be, because people are not expecting much of him anyways.

Average is the friend who'll pray for your success and watch your back, but wont be around you all the time to take implicit credit.

Average is the lover who'll love without expecting love in return.

Average are the parents who'll do everything they can so that their children could have a life they never could.

Average is the person who gives his best shot and lives for the present, without worrying too much about the result.

Average is the Sid in you and me who hasn't woken up yet.

Maybe I wouldnt have had as well paying a job as I have now (and i'm not saying this one pays well). Maybe I wouldnt have had a degree from IIT. But maybe, I'd have been happier. Maybe, I'd speak clearly, and be able to sing well. Maybe I'd have been laughing along with a bunch of close friends tonight. Maybe I'd have known unconditional love. Maybe I'd have smiled more often. Maybe...

Twenty Ten is here...

2010-01-06T00:22:00.005+05:30

Ever since I wrote the "I return to blogger post", it seems like the starting credits of my sequel are still running... And it took me quite some time to realize this!! :)

But hey whatever, there's no better excuse to start afresh than a brand new year. So whats the big deal about new years' anyways? Why is it so hyped all over the world, and maybe in some distant planet(or 'pandora') we dont yet know about !! Yes its like a fancy date I agree... 01/01 followed by a pair of new numbers. But apart from the fact that the 12 pages of the gud ol' Roman calendar get exhausted on this day, I dont see anything worth harping about.

Lets rewind a bit, and try to figure out what made Dec 31 the last day of the year, and what made January cheekily follow it. From what I remember of my history lessons at school, seems like a few Roman emperors had some personal rivalry with a month called February. So Julius Caesar removed one day from it and added to July, while Augustus removed another and added it to August. Poor ol' February thus has to do with 2 days less for 3 years until it leaps to party with a bonus day the fourth year. And july and august stupidly broke the harmonic alternate 30, 31 day series just for pride and glory. Doesnt it make one wonder, then, why January! Lemme explain... Jesus Christ, born on 25th was 'circumcised' on the 8th day ie. Jan 1. And how could such a big event go without celebrations... so they called it the beginning of the New Year and "feast of circumcision" (Why anyone would wanna celebrate such a thing is beyond me... and yet we all do now!!). The romans apparently celebrated their new year in March, when Julius Caesar thought of doing something new in his free time when he'd gotten bored of all the dames and announced "Fuck you all, from now we will celebrate New Years' on January 1. And the calendar will be called 'Julian' calendar". Romans had no option but to oblige...

Traditionally, it was thought that one could affect the luck they would have throughout the coming year by what they did or ate on the first day of the year. So why do we celebrate it these days drinking like a fish into the wee hours of the morning? (Scratching head... oops...2 hair strands come out :( .. ). Another theory that makes me laugh is - "It was once believed that the first visitor on New Year's Day would bring either good luck or bad luck the rest of the year. It was particularly lucky if that visitor happened to be a tall dark-haired man." Talk of a patriarchal society and gender bias. Wouldnt it be so much better if the first one to visit you on a new year's day were a tall, fair, wavy-haired, light eyed, pouty lipped, busty brunette??!! And i'm sure this would work even for the girls out there :P

Another thing that tickles me is the concept of resolutions. Why would we want to chose one day as the day when we decide what we're especially NOT gonna do the whole year? Talk of showing the middle finger to a mirror? My new year reso is to think about a good reso for the next year. Whats yours? :P

Anyway on a more personal front, I dont remember doing anything special on new years'... something that'll bring me luck or whatever. I mean i was so stoned that I couldve been easily grinding with some random babe who couldve been equally drunk and fantasizing about another babe. Does this qualify as something that'll bring me luck?!! Or does that mean this is what i'll be doing most part of the year? Well well... now we're talking :)

After all that hype about Twenty 20's though, I'm glad that Twenty-10 is here for a change !!

Once bitten, twice shy... not anymore...!

2009-12-01T00:56:00.002+05:30

After a long hiatus and long hours of deliberation to decide the fate of my sanctuary, i'm finally back. Not that anyone was really waiting with bated breath for the floodgates to open, but whatever.

Although I havent really written anything since my last post (i'm not into not posting my writings), a lot of things have changed. And whatever I've written has been for some objective, or for some premeditated reason - so unlike blogging, which is writing down one's whims, one's fancy and all that jazz that cant be explained by reasoning. Writing as a tech editor for the recently launched NOW Magazine will never give the creative satisfaction that blogging could give. And yet its not for creative satisfaction alone that i used to or will blog. There were so many things this place gave me that nobody else could. It opened me up as a person, and taught me to lay myself bare to all and sundry, without worrying too much about the reactions. It feels like I'd improved and reached a pinnacle in my writing skills with blogging- which culminated as a 6 on 6 in GMAT essays. It gave me new friends - some of the best people i've ever known. And it gave me a patient ear when there was no1 else who'd listen - and just a mention of this fact can never do enough justice to it.

How can I then just abandon it and leave it to rot? How could I have even though of pushing the delete button? Even though I dont have much or almost no time in my posession, I wanna keep this place alive with all that I have to give. I dont know what the future will be like, and something tells me I'm gonna need this place real bad some day.

I'm out of college and there's a whole new world is waiting out there with a whole new bunch of experiences - in different cities, under different skies. All of it worth capturing in my journal, my blog - coz if tomorrow never comes, I dont wanna be swept away into unwritten pages of history... Atleast some1 will live on to tell my story, and maybe even say the things that I never could n never would!!

EIGHT POINT SOMEONE- PART 2

2009-06-05T12:00:00.002+05:30

(Note: Reader discretion required. This post contains explicit content and is strictly not permitted for the weak-hearted.)
It was after quite a long hiatus that I'd dressed up in proper formals, having missed the placement season due to my fortunate PPO. The whites and the blacks were good to wear for a change, but they reminded me of the dreadful ragging days, and of what had happened on my second day at IITR, way back in freshmen year.

Circa July 2005. Although there had been no official declaration, word was out that seniors had given out clear instruction- we were supposed to dress up in white shirt, black trousers, black shoes, no belts and that we couldn't carry any bags. People seemed to be a terrified lot, but I was chilled out about it, with a bring-it-on attitude up my sleeve. I didnt have everything upto the senior's specifications, so I picked up a white t-shirt, black trousers and sports shoes. So did many other people. Not because of fear, but just because nobody wanted to risk getting ragged. After sitting(umm...sleeping actually) through four lectures, I had no clue what lay in store for me when I was ambushed by two 'seniors' on bicycles ( a luxury we were not supposed to have for the first two months). I emphasize 'seniors' here because both of them were inches shorter than me, and I could've ripped them both apart with just 1 blow( well...thats what i'd like to believe atleast!!!). I looked around for some support among my batchmates who'd solmenly vowed to stand by each other whenever evil would befall. But here I was in the middle of the most tragic situation that could have hit anyone at that time, and if one didn't call it evil, it would be worse than blasphemy. I noticed how the vows were broken quietly and evry1 just vanished into thin air, just like they show in the movies. So here I was flouting the norms set by the seniors, surrounded by the lawmakers themselves. Without so much as a reading of my fundamental rights (and lefts), I was handcuffed(ahem...thats just to add to the drama), and taken into one of the hostels in which a freshman would find himself if and only if he was being ragged.

As I was dragged along the corridors of power (duh!), I noticed how spitefully the seniors lived. Narrow alleys with dim lighting and paint wearing off in patches, there wasnt even room enough for two people to walk together. Everything was strangely painted green- the windows, doors, almirahs, etc etc. What was more noticeable was the presence of a first yearite in almost every room. And with most of them down to there undies, the scene wasn't very pleasant. My dislinking was only magnified by the anticipation of what I was going to face in one such room. My wait wasn't long though, as I was ushered into a room where some negro from South india was already lurking, being ragged. Thankfully he had all the clothes on, or I'd have had nightmares every night. He seemed to be in a particularly jovial mood, as if he were enjoying everything that the seniors had been making him do. It gave me a ray of hope- the thought that i was soon gonna be let off mildly. It started with the usual song and dance routine. They asked me to sing some crazy song and the negro to dance on it. They didnt like it much though, so they stuffed two newspaper balls into the negro's tshirt, to make it seem like a girl was dancing. I was repelled at the sight of a negro being converted to a negress. It was only worse, and yet the idiot went on and humoured the seniors-changing his steps to suit that of a girl. I was happy with singing though when the seniors smugly suggested that I should take some advantage of the 'girl' dancing to my tunes. I acted confused, but they only made it more explicit- I was supposed to press the "imaginary breasts" and the 'girl' was supposed to act orgasmic (ewwww!!!! ). I did what they asked me, thankful only for I wasn't in the position of the 'negress'. They asked us some silly questions after that, and just when I thought I had my share of ragging and twas soon gonna be over, the two seniors who'd brought me in took me to another room.

A final yearite sat there squatted on his bed, with 2-3 sycophant third yearites around him, and right across stood this guy who had nothing on apart from a skimpy blue underwear. (Yes, blue. I remember distinctly!! :P ). Henceforth the guy will be referred to as 'muski'. The senior took an instant disliking to my tshirt and I was made to take it off. Well so much for decency. The two of us(me and muski) were then asked to recite as many curses as we could. I managed two, while muski could only manage a "gaali dena gandi baat hoti hai"!!! The seniors laughed, and so did muski. Now laughing while ragging in local parlance was known as 'muski', and there was an elaborate ritual for anybody who dared to do so- a ritual which was as obscenely funny as it was difficult. So that was it, 'muski' made a 'muski' and he had to pay for price. Ofcourse since he didnt know how to perform the ritual, he took a gud half an hour to learn and perform it. Wasnt all fun for me though, as i was asked to sit like a chair!!! Might sound crazy but yeah, its a real tough posture to maintain for half an hour !! We were then asked questions, and if we got the answers right we could wear one piece of clothing back, or else we'd have to take one off!! I dont remember all questions but there was one which was really absurd- "If your mother and sister lay naked and u had a piece of cloth with u, what would u do?" . I answered- "Tear the cloth in two, and cover both of them!". I was told- the cloth isnt that big, and so I'd to compromise with my vest... I was fortunate to still have my trousers though. I wondered what will happen if muski got the answer wrong!! I was in no mood to go throught that torture!! I held my breath and waited for his answer- but he jus gave out another muski...i was relieved. We were later told the correct answer to the question- "cover ur own eyes with the cloth" (duh!)

The seniors got bored of us after about like an hour and I was told to 'phantom'ise myself. That basically entails wearing one's undie over one's trousers. I was taken into a room where I could 'change'. I did as was ordered, and i looked damn funny. It was embarassing nonetheless. The seniors had a good laugh over it for some time. Muski still stood there makin another zillion muskis. They turned on some porn, and we were asked to enact the scenes!! Ahem...it was a doggy style scene, so we had to play both the guy and the girl's part taking turns. And not just that, we even had to "feel" as if we were actuaylly doing it... so we basically had to mimic the sounds and expressions too!! That was a big torture, esp with my phantom look :P

It was then time for the worst part- the buzzer round!!! We were literally qualining when it was told we'll actually have to do something, which till now was only a part of the legends that we'd heard back at the hostel. We had half a mind of bottling out and running away like chickens. Now, for the uninitiated it will seem a bit weird that i'm acting way too peevishly for another innocuous round of ragging. But then he/she doesnt probably know what the 'buzzer' is. Well, its that part of a man that defines his manhood. Now you getting it? So here we were, with the senior acting as quizmasters and two pitiable freshers with hands on 'buzzers', and not their own, but each others!! ewww!!!! I will forever be grateful to god that i had my trousers on !!! There was no escape- we couldn't afford to not press the buzzers at all, coz the one doing so will be let off. So the first question came in, and we hesitated, looked at each other, in a sort of trustful mistrust- a last cry of mercy. But that was it, I'd had enough and wanted out. So i did the dreaded- pressed the buzzer, and guess what- muski didn't give out so much as an ouch! His silence meant the buzzer hadnt been properly pressed, so i pressed it again.... and once again, silence. For a moment i doubted if at all he 'had' the buzzer.(i doubt it still - when wer'e gud friends!!). I made another go- this time it was a big blow- he couldn't stand on his feet after that....

There were a few more trifles that we'd to engage in after that, but after a period of 4 hours and 2 missed tutorials, we were finally let off. They say the purpose of ragging is to get introduced to seniors. But of all the seniors I've ever met and known at IITR, those that ragged me were never in the picture. Guess they could never even face me out of guilt, or just embarrasment. It wasnt the end of ragging for me though. It ended not until the dean and the director themselves had ragged me. As for poor 'muski', he got christened with that name after that fateful day, and thats what he's called even now. I just hope that his 'buzzer' is still intact though!!

It was different now that I was dressing up for the farewell. The memories seemed so old, and yet were so fresh in my memory. I'm thankful for that day because it taught me how life's gonna be for the next 4 years at IITR, and strengthened me to face it with elan. I'd been through a lot of things, and even as I strained my memory, there was hardly any thing worth remembering. The farewell seemed so futile, and the pics that we took don't mean anything to me.

Its all over and I didn't even turn back as i left the gates of IITR for the last time. Nostalgia seemed to have been asphyxiated by the bruises of time. The leaves of memory had fallen into the whirpool of destiny...

EIGHT POINT SOMEONE- PART 1

2009-06-04T19:56:00.001+05:30

(Note: I dont intend to write a journal about my 4 years at IIT. There are only a few things are interesting enough to be told- actually its just one- ragging! The first part of the post is just intended to break the ice. All and sundry about ragging goes in part 2!!)

It was the same old hateful raajma, along with the same boring butterscoth ice cream, which had already melted by the time it was delivered to my seat at the mess. I'd decided to eat at the place that had feeded me for 4 years, and that I loved to hate, on the last day at IIT Roorkee, just for the kicks. As I ate the last piece of the chapati (thats what they called it, though i didnt figure from what angle it looked like one), memories from the very first day came rushing to me.

It was an excruciatingly hot n humid summer day. I was just a boy unprepared to take the reins of my life in my own hands and be dumped in a 'hostel'. A rank of 454 in the hyped up JEE had got me a course in computers at IIT Roorkee. Not bad. Not bad at all. That's how it seemed at that time atleast. It was a long and painful journey to the place which was gonna be my home for the next 4 years. I had never known a tradition much observed in our country before that day. During the last week of June, millions of bhakts (so to say) travel bare-feet to haridwar to fetch 'kaawad' (holy water) right from lord shiva's feet, and bring it back to their homelands before "shivratri". The indian govt., in order to keep its Hindu vote bank happy, shuts down most parts of the highway to give these bhakts a clear passage. Elaborate tents are set up at every mile and free food, water and bedding is provided to these people. So its basically not really a big sacrifice on the part of these 'bhakts' as it seems at first, but only an annual feast, a picnic they'd love to go on year after year. As a result of their devotion to lord shiva and the govt's devotion to them, the roads are closed and earthly mortals like us have to bear the brunt. Consequently, a 5 hour journey turned into a nightmarish 10 hour one. In any case, I thought thats probably the worst I've seen. But then I was goin to enter IITR, and the worst really couldn't have been defined at that time.

A day's work was what it took to clean up the shoddy room that was alloted to me at the hostel. Yet, I was happy that my rank got me the best possible room in IITR, and whats more, it was one of the rare single-seated rooms. I could have some privacy atleast! The room wasn't really what troubled me much though, it was the idea of common bathrooms and toilets that caught my fancy (or ill-fancy). I just couldn;t adjust to the fact that I wouldn;t be able to drop my towel after a nice bath and swerve to some music a la ranbir kanpoor. Weird right? Not really. But then I also had to survive the summers without so much as a proper fan. And i almost fainted in the evening when a swarm of mosquitoes n insects of all shapes and varieties came buzzing by, greeting every part of my body. I didnt know then that this was to become the routine for the months of july- october every year for the next 4 years. Adding to my suffocation was the dust, the bustling crowd of parents and all kinds of weird to-be hostel-mates.

We were all supposed to line up at 9pm outside the hostel for an 'attendance' as if we were in an army school. I was stupid enough to think shorts and sandals were good and comfy in that heat. I was made to run to my room to change them to something more formal, not together, but one by one...coz the warden at the hostel didnt had the habit of telling the rules all at a time, but in spurts!! The 'formalities' - attendance, proper clothes and shoes to the mess, continued for about a month. The attendance, which was kept as an excuse to make sure everyone was back at the hostel at night and was not loitering in some senior's room being ragged, was the first to be flouted. It was followed soon by the attire that one wore to the mess. The shoes gave way to sandals first and chappals next. The trousers gave way to shorts, and students doing so were given an apt term- 'kachchhadhaari'- coined by someone witty enough to do so.

It was only the second day when rumours of ragging had started doing the rounds, and stories of oppression were told in hushed voices, in the evenings when there was nothing else to do...

To be contd...

All (or something) about blogging

2009-05-19T21:20:00.006+05:30

(If only life was this simple, and computers could demand a blog post and even suggest a topic...sheesh... though one day thats gonna be possible) ;)

There's something about blogging that has never really caught on with me. It may seem like a bolt-from-blue, and a very random notion as well as a very purposeless post. But thats what its meant to be in the first place. Face it, i have nothing else to do coz there's no electricity and no human company. And it is during contingenies such as these that a man who still hasn't lost his onions takes to ranting on a blog. Here... a lot of you( huh!! who am i talking to in the first place...ok so one or two out of the 3 or 4 readers) might disagree with me, simply because we differ in our motives in writing a blog. I've been through so many blogs, some good, some bad, but there's mostly one thing common- some writers write so that others can know their opinion on an issue or play critic on their poems,while some others write for reasons crazy enough for a mortal to understand. The reason for my blogging my seem to fall in the latter catgory for some of you, but according to me I only write when I wanna talk to sumone and there's no 1 around. Yeah,my dear blog is a very good substitute for real people.

There's another thing that i really miss about my blog when compared to others. I miss having a community of readers who also write blogs and are close friends as well. Something like this could've been possible had the concept of blogging been popular when I was in school. And again, it could've happened if i was in a real "college" with some creative people around, or simply people who could talk sense sometimes atleast. But that wasn't to happen. And that I guess, will never happen!!

IF you've started wondering by now why i'm writing a post comparing my blog or blogging habbits with those of others, I should make it clear that's not what I set out for, though some deviation from the main script is allowed for even the best of the writers, unless one is on the panel of 'Prison Break', or '24'.This is just supposed to be a blog post about blogging... confused? even i am!! :D

Some people blog anything and everything under the sun, right from the time they wake up to the time when they get beaten up by their wives... though making ur partner's assaults on u does have its own advantages. Atleast its a good alternative to the govt's "ghantee bajao" andolan (oops...campaign!!).

Some blogs are like...ahem...i'll let the pic do the honours...

Some just do it to attract attention...

While some others are meant to hide the real identity of their writers and show them in a more desirable light to the blogging world...

On a more serious note, I was wondering if any quality post by anyone among the earthly beings who blog could deserve much attention, even if the writing style or plot is comparable to that of an established writer. And yeah, we should leave out bloggers like Amir Khan, or Amitabh Bachhan, or even "fake IPL player"!! As much as i would like to restrict this discussion of branding to blogs, I can't help think about analogies in other areas. So consider this... if i'm pitted against an engineer from "any other" engineering college in India, and someone has to chose between the two of us, you and I know it very well who it's gonna be!! And the reason- jus coz i'm a cow who luckily got branded with an "IIT" tag on my beautiful buttocks... The same can be said about fragrances and perfumes. Who would even test an unlabbeled or unbranded bottle in a store? People wanna buy perfumes precariuosly named "Paris Hilton" or "SRK" just coz they believe theyr'e buying these celebrities in a bottle. How foolish. Haha. Hey mumma, look what I just bought... "Britney Spears"... The background music goes "maa da ladla...", u know the rest...

But then a blog is also a place where one can be very very creative, and do a lot more than just write. I've tried hard to adopt that skill from some avid blogger's. But I aint no "peter patrelli" from "heroes" who could absorb anybody's powers!! ( Well u have to watch that series to get this line of sarcasm... u can ignore it as a bad joke if u havent already) . In any case, you might've noticed how my blog is slowly moving from emotion-oriented to being reader-oriented, in the fact that what I write now mostly takes a form where my emotions find a voice in more sublime forms. Probably thats coz i figured that its not right to publicise what one feels, coz if one does, then people jump at the opportunity like hungry foxes to take advantage of the naive blogger. Even if that reason isn'y good enough, there's something wrong in opening up oneself to the world... simply put... nobody's interested in one's emotional crap, broken heart, or a lost friend..Trust me, blogging isn't a stress relief kit like the one below ..

I'll end this idotic post here, and I know not much has come out of it... Sorry for wasting so much of ur time, i was already wasted!! :P

I'll end with one question- What if the ten commandments were written on a blog?!! :P

Sapno Se Bhare Naina

2009-05-14T13:27:00.008+05:30

Portrush Whiterocks beach was strangely silent. With the silence crept a strange uneasiness in him, maybe only because it made him aware of his own loneliness shrieking, crying and yearning for a prod, almost as if he was in an alien land. He sat in the company of the sea, the bright orange evening clouds and an irish coffee. It had almost become a routine. Routines... that he had so religiously followed all his life, and that now seemed so unimportant. Yet, routines were all that he was surrounded by again. The waves crashed with a thud on the golden sand of the beach, the water retreated and it all went on in an endless, untiring loop. The only difference- the higness or the lowness of the tide. He looked at the sea and felt its magnanimosity and power, and smiled as the thought came to him- how is it that the frickin moon can control the tides of the earth's powerful water bodies... how could it make such a mockery of water's kingdom, and play kingmaker from so far away! Such were the ways of nature. Wer'e measly earthlings... powerful and yet powerless, with our destinies chalked on a higher power's slate. With our voodoo dolls in control of megalomaniac demons who can twist and turn us any way they want to. And however hard we try and squirm to get free, there is no escape, for the world is a matrix running on a laptop with no "esc" key.

The limestone cliffs of the White Rocks stretched from Curran Strand to Dunluce Castle. The grassy knols with little, trembling blades of grass owed everything to the sun and the wind, before whom they bowed every sunrise and every sunset. A routine set quixotically and followed unreasonably. Just like his life. Just like everybodys' lives.

Twilight began to shroud not just his thoughts, but the horizon too. The horizon... where everything seems to meet. Only, it never does. He wondered how many horizons he had set for his life, and how naively he had run after them wishing to arrive there. But isn't it what makes horizons funny- you keep running after them and they'll run faster away from you. They'll elude you no matter how you plan to pursue them. And yet, that's what we mortals do the whole of our lives- run after dreams that never come true. All those times when he thought he did it, the satan laughed in the background on the insipid creature. There was a lot he'd achieved- the world's best degrees from the world's best colleges, a well paying job, and the praise of people around him. Everything tangibly possible to make him feel that the horizon's approaching, but nothing intangible to make everything meet. The best of the times had already gone by, all well spent in achieving, running, proving? Nah. He couldn't have been worse off. He wondered if he'd made the right choices, and yet felt as if he'd never had a choice. It may seem an esoteric notion, but it seemed to him that a new road had began at the end of every other road he'd ever taken. And now it felt as if he'd been cheated, brought back to the very place where he started from. All those times when he thought he was trying to change his destiny, he was just a train which couldn't make any turns unless the tracks turned themselves...

The ocean which had seemed blue-green only a few moments ago, was on fire with the descent of the twilight, with bright red-orange flames. He thought of how everything, and everyone changed colours, as if their insides were hollow and transparent, just a shiny reflective plate. He thought of all those moments when his friends had betrayed him, and those when he'd betrayed his friends. To mimic the ways of the world, to follow the golden rule of doing unto others what other do unto you...that's how everybody lived... that's how he'd decided to live. But it wasn't him. It was somebody else living his life, as he slept behind the veil only to be waken up now by the splashing waves off the rocks of Islay. But could he have lived without the veil? Or died a hundred deaths that could've disabled him forever? It didn't matter now. It'd have been the worth the risk. But he never tried. Bogged down by peoples' insanities and vanities. He'd thought what goes around comes around. But the love he'd given others had never come back, not even in dreams. Fair enough. What about those who were just like him? He'd brushed them aside unflinchingly, egged on by people who he thought loved him, but those who were only trying to change him as they pleased, never giving a thought about what he would want. And so those like him had faded away too, covered their hearts with stones, and shrouded their persons with the proverbial purdah. They'd forgiven him. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe they should never have. He wondered why it was that he could never understand people. Why, even though he knew so many people, he really couldn't see through them. It was hard to locate the flaw. But he knew it wasn't a flaw. He was just born human than many others, but the others made sure he becomes one of them, and he did.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out faces, worn out places...
Bright and early for their daily races
goin' nowhere, goin' nowhere...

If only he could 'paint a perfect picture' right now, it'd be complete with the golden sands, Shelagh’s Head, the Wishing Arch, Elephant Rock and the Lion’s Paw- headlands of distinguishable forms rising out of the ocean- a cozy bonfire, a couple of friends and her....

And then he thought of her... how much he'd loved her, and how much she'd loved her back... He'd always blamed destiny for taking them to the point of no return. Today he knew it wasn't destiny or the voodoo dolls. It was him. He came this far only to leave her behind. He didn;t find what he sought, and he lost what he had thought he had. He couldn't read what was so explicitly written in the stars. All those times when he'd been at Bunratty castle, he had hated what he wanted to love- those medieval banquets where immaculately dressed couples in ball gowns and tuxedos serenade each other like juliets and romeos. Hated them not for what they were, but because he could never be a part of them. He'd made a hundred pilgrimages to Whitefriar Street Church, asking St. Valentine- or whatever remained of him- to grant him his wishes, his love horizon... and so many times had even ended up cursing love. Everytime he left the place he smiled at what the Church was meant for- 'Seek.Celebrate.Curse.'

He was here, the place he'd always wanted to be... and yet it was just the place and nothing else... It was dark now... the fire in the sea had left a gory ash in its place...

Door hi se saagar jisse har koi maane...
paani hai woh ya ret hai ye kaun jaane...

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Pre P.S: Portrush Whiterocks is located in northern Ireland. Bunratty castle is one of the most popular romantic destinations in Ireland where a medieval style ball is organised every evening. Whitefriar Street Church is the place in Ireland where the remnants of St. Valentine are kept...

P.S: Its been a long tym coming... but i guess i didnt wanna write unless i really had time for it... and now seems like i never will have time !!!

P.S 2: Hope my old readers return...along with new ones ofcourse ;)

P.S 3: Sorry for breaking the dry run with an excruciatingly long post...But thats ma style!! :D

HONEY AND THE MOON

2009-01-05T23:02:00.000+05:30

Her silhouette seemed a bit distant as she stood against the divine light that followed her everywhere. Her eyes, like two static balls fixed in their slots, trying hard to take in things she didnt want to see, and yet hiding the emotion, or the absence of it. The effort lay almost exposed through her drooping lids, as she slowly closed and half-opened them, trying to find comfort in her dreamland, which only a few minutes ago, had seemed so promising. Words, she tried to find but failed, as she realised the futility of putting life into alphabets and punctuation, that could never stand up to the emotions that are beyond one's very existence.

As he stood an inch away, he could feel the space between them involved in its own valiant effort to expand, and even though he knew how easily he could supress his enemy, he could see how it had began to dictate its own terms. He looked at her with a heavy sigh, at her reluctancly open eyes. It amazed him how blank they were, when only a few hours ago, they were brimming with such an eclectic mix of emotions. It amazed him how they'd lost their power of expression, when only a few hours ago the smile on her face had seemed such a lame effort compared to the brightly lit up eyes. Her visage, now, was a grim and ineffectual prison to the beauty that lay within, and one that had ceased to be coy - one that had been shot at innumerable times and at innumerable angles by an almost professional photographer that he'd recently found in himself. Looking at her beatific pics had become an obsession that had been his very own panacea in times of distress.

As she looked up for one last time before the lift popped open, the irrepressible urge to feel her lips on his came back like a spasm which refuses to die, even when it has been balmed over a hundred times. Self-restraint had never been her ball game, and this was one of those weak moments when "self" leaves one for its own selfish pursuits. He reached out with just a hand to shake, and as it touched hers the weakness of the moment dropped to an all-time low, and yet the lift door smugly opened its jaws, exposing the intimacy of a sweet act that the society has made out to be a shameful one.

She had never hated farewells upfront, but this time if only she could conjure up some energy, she'd surely be game for a one-on-one, even if team farewell was tagged with team fate. She felt the old laziness returning, and as her hand slipped away from his grip, the daredevilry found itself on the wane. It had not taken a lot of effort to learn the ways of fate, and when it comes to her life, fate had been quite unforgiving. She'd taken the stones hurled at her, along with an occasional flower, without any complains. What she was not used to was something being snatched away from her so cruely. Indeed, fate had changed its ways to magnify the pain, and reduce the moments of happiness to tiny specks on an empty canvas.

As she lost herself in the mirage at the horizon where her past and future met, he caught one last glimpse of her, and for once, he felt contented. The kind of contention that he'd felt when they'd both lost themselves to the pleasant toxicity of vodka. He had still not understood how she'd managed to do the most mundane of tasks- ordering pizza, when the 2 of them were so high that they'd brought the life around them to wonder if there's any worthiness in being sober. Every kiss, then, had seemed like the first time- the pleasure magnified a hundred times and then twisted by lips made wet by alcohol to give the feeling of pure ecstasy, and he'd instantly known how every emotion was as real under the influence as without it. She'd become a small kid, and yet had exuded so much sensuality that he'd found it awfully tough to restrict the free flow of emotions, and even sexual desires. Those eyes circling round the eyeballs, as if trying to hold themselves steady to let the world revolve in lazy circles, only to wake up the next day and find, instead, the fan above her heavy head, doing what her eyes had been doing the last night. TV cameras couldnt have afforded feeling bereft of such magnificience, as they managed to capture those big eyes and the cute sideways grin, that was mostly a result of a small doze of Pinacaolada at Cafe Leopold. That was her 60 second of fame moment, one that he wanted to be part of forever. He had been treated to those seductive eyes, with a viagra-effect again at Bandra bandstand, as he had to expend only a minimal effort to get her swooning over him, with every sound of the sea lashing against the rocks. He had loved to hold her swaying then, her whole body pulsating with happiness, craziness and loveliness, augmented by a few dozes of beer, topped with a blue lagoon. He was missing her, and her childishness, already...

She,meanwhile, had wasted no time in returning her faithfulness and attention to his substitute- a stuffed doggy that had been her birthday gift and whose neck she'd so cruely twisted in some fit of anger, when she'd mistaken it for her real object of affection, and had got so involved that it had taken her some time before she finally figured out her craziness. She lay there now, cuddled up with the doggy, in an effort to make her lover return out of jealousy, knowing pretty well that it won't need a photo-op for him to kno what she's upto behind his back. But then, it started to seem like an empty gesture, and as if the stuffed dog had feelings, she started to feel she's not being faithful to it, cuddling up and yet thinking of someone else, in whose arms she'd found her nights' comfort, and with whose kisses she'd began her mornings pepped. She let go of the dog and lay in emptiness, trying to conjure up the feeling of lying in his lap, with complete contentment and carelessness about the piercing gaze of the dog that lay neglected. Suddenly, the thought of the neglected sweetheart- the doggy made her embrace it all over again, as she caught sight of the christmukkah tree that they'd so lovingly bought and decorated with small silly shiny things. Sigh, how many neglected things will she take care of, without leaving herself in a state of neglect! In this life, she remembered, one must stop one's thoughts if one wishes to remain intact, or guilt, pity and loneliness would take everything, even one from oneself. Her eyes became blank again, but her struggle with her senses went on...

A sweet song played on his ipod...

Don't know why I'm still afraid
If you weren't real I would make you up
now
I wish that I could follow through
I know that your love is true
And deep
As the sea

We're made out of blood and rust
Looking for someone to trust
Without
A fight
I think that you came too soon
You're the honey and the moon
That lights
Up my night

anything,everything.... for you...

2008-12-01T14:54:00.005+05:30

Monday, December 1, 2008[photo courtesy: Nishi's blog]

A life that's hard enough
and a heart thats weak enough
it sometimes doesnt make sense
why they have to exist in a bluff
coz when one's squeezed out of the other
it wouldn't matter why...

To the cussed life its the heart that beats for it
To the lame heart, its the life that oozes out of it
This way they go on for years
trapped in a cauldron
that makes the life dry, and the heart bleed
makin it seem like a comedy of errors

It takes love to come by
for the life to learn to live
and the heart to learn to beat

The heart tells love i'll do everythin you want me to
The life says i wanna be a part of you
and each day they keep falling in love with love all the more
the truce is broken, enemy lines are drawn
to have their own happy endings and rewrite tales of yore

My heart and my life still fight
but when love asks me what I feel,
I say love
When it asks how I know, I say trust
But its never enough
coz I alwaz lose to the showy brilliance of my heart and my life.

Everytime I wanna tell you
That its every little thing you do
that makes me fall in love with you -
There isnt a way I can show you
ever since I've come to know you
And its every little thing you say
that makes my everyday
But there isnt a thing I can point to
maybe its every little thing you do

Its quite a fight to keep one's dreams alive
when the heart and life want to tear it in pieces,
in a million crossroads when there should be none
if only there were signs to show me what direction i should follow.
If i'm so deep in my wounds, maybe i'll be gone tomorrow
hey love, i dont want you to feel my sorrow
It'll be enough if you could pick up the pieces....pieces of me

You wont know my mind my love,
Not that it would ever make a difference
my heart and my life will never surrender
even if you take them away from me
but i promise they'll be with you till the end
they wont let you down

They'll fight for you now, together
with unflinching and undoubtable belief
They'll take you to your happy ending
and if i forget to be there,
i'll watch from afar..
and be glad that more than a part of me
could be a part of what was meant to be...

FALLACY OF A FANTASY...

2008-10-17T00:21:00.003+05:30

The sky seems silent today

With its thunder it once ruled

Even the sun looks bigger and bolder

its size only its proximity fooled

The world seems to move along

in lazy circles somewhere in the milky way

Its learnt the art of bluffing the innocent

with one side night and one side day

A world of fantasy makes us reel

hypnotizes us subtly into an innocuous slumber

feeding us with notions of a fake hysteria,a made up history, a promising future;

maybe a small nap for man, for mankind its been a great plunder...

There's money, name and lots of fame

For the less unfortunate also a lot of shame

The movie seems splendid but they laugh at the director's face

isn't he just another actor in life's great game!!

painting dreams in a golden hue

with rose-tinted glasses and a black canvas

maybe there's more to life than chasing false dreams

or only as many races we can win for a medal of brass

We yearn to make it work,we pretend to live it true

caring not to scratch the surface for even a minute or two;

Moments in the film of life seem so colourful

developed in a room red, why do they all turn blue?

LET GO...

2008-09-16T11:32:00.008+05:30

Its the end of the monsoon season ,with the clouds deserting the skies to give way to a sardonically smiling sun, leaving behind a strange "depression", and the beginning of a cruel month-log oppressive heat,as they call it. I sit by my window sill, a silent observer to nature's farewell to the pompous army of wispy white-silver blurbs that had invaded the skies only about a couple of months ago. The trees are bowed, all prepared to shed off the regal green costumes they'd been wearing for the annual play, still lookin fresh, nonetheless like a full grown adult whose just passed the prime of his life. A flock of birds move swiftly across the sky, blocking the rays of the sun intermittently, in a way of strange defiance to its all-pervasiveness. They dont look back, neither do they hesitate for once at the prospect of having to leave a place which was their haven for quite some time now. They just move on ....to another country, another season, another home... seamlessly...

Its a small occurence in the yearly cycle of nature, and yet so significant as to teach one a lesson of how everythin that comes has to go away, sometimes so subtly that this fact becomes hard to sink in. Questions of why and how arise, yet they seem a ruddy rhetoric, coz there exists no answer, no explanation to pacify the ostensible nature of our lives.

The most powerful man at IBM taught me the most humblest of lesson in a 5- min speech. It was an innocuos and yet pertinent question - "IBM sold off everythin that had taken it years to invent and develop, in a matter of days to save itself from turning into just a name in the golden pages of history. Wasnt it tough to let go?" . The answer made us listen in a wide-eyed astonishment, "Its true that it had taken lots of efforts, and nurturing to develop all those technologies. The biggest opposition to the sell-off were the scientists who'd worked on it for years, for it was their soul and their lives more than their daily bread. It, had, however become impossible to keep it any longer. We could only keep our children if we could watch them wear torn clothes and bang their plates in hunger. We thought it a better option to give them away to someone who could take better care. We had not turned irresponsible, but the responsibility had become the roadblock. So, we decided tolet go. And its never easy to do that. But , at some point you come to realise that you cannot have everything for urself. You visit a hotel, stay in a room and like its furniture, possibly even get addicted to the plasma screen, but then when u check out you dont take all of it with u, and its inadvertent , it comes naturally as the most obvious thing to do. Its the same about so many things in life. Think of those who have to get a part of their body amputated because it has become cancerous. This is letting go. "

"I let go

With no yesterday

Neither a tomorrow

No fantasies of pleasure

No baggage of sorrow

I let go

I have now

And now has me

The coming moment will decide

What the next step will be...

For I'm but an idea upheld

Another idea can also be me

I let go

To be another me!"

-quoted from "http://humorix.20six.co.uk/humorix/art/22750318/I_let_go#comm"

I'm amazed at the way children and dogs have this innate capabilty to let go(not that i'm comparing the two in any way-i'm not a child hater nor a dog lover!! ). They become so attached to people close to them in a very short time, but when those very people go away even for a short time, its convenient for them to forget all about them in a matter of hours or days at worse. They wont hang on to them, and would still smile with a faint recognition if they see them again, only to show that same affection if the countenace is prolonged for some time. I had a cousin in singapore, and we used to go there every summer when she was just 2-3 years old. For the 2 month period that i used to be with her, i was the one to bear her peskiness and the only one she'd look for every morning at the ring of the alarm bell. She used to hug me so hard that it was always tough to say goodbye. She used to cry and miss me for a day , and then again the very next year, she'd be like the 5 second Joe, behaving like she'd never seen me before, leaving me with the daunting task of wooing her again, only to say goodbye again. I met her after a long time a month ago. She has grown up to be a 12 yr old with the typical British accent and attitude. She remembers me, but sadly for me , feels no affection at all. I'm just another acquaintance that her short life had treated her to. For me, its hard to swallow this fact, and yet for her it doesnt make any difference. Same goes with dogs, u live around em for a few days and they'll bow before u...u come again after a year, try to poke them and off goes ur finger(poor u- u'd never realised that the loving dog ever had such sharp canines!!!!).

It takes us more than a tear and a resolve of the greatest degree to let go of anything, or anyone- our possessions tend to take over our very existence - be it the people we love, our dogs and cats (it took one whole song for a certain Jai to make Aditi overcome the loss!!! :P ) , boyfriend/girlfriend, a job, a dream which couldnt be realised, or sometimes, even an obsession!! We hang on to it like a baby does to his bottle of milk. We sit and think about the loss so much that it makes no sense to live at all. And all this, because of our expectations that never cease. From the moment we first get attached to somethin or someone, we start expecting, and then we start expecting those expectations to be fulfilled, which goes on to become a vicious circle which threatens to undermine our very own selfs!! Its not that letting go is something i preach, beacuse i'm the worst person in the world to practice it- and one doesnt preach what one cant practice!! I've always somehow managed to lose everyone who has ever come close to me -and they have somehow managed to fade away swiftly into the depths of time. Be it a friend who has hurt me , or left me high and dry in times of need, a teacher at school who was more than a teacher, a girl who broke my heart, or just somebody who forgot me with time. But i still hold on to the memories, keep believing that someday i'll find them all back, and lead an ideal life- with the people i want. But then there's no such thing as idealism in our prosaic lives. In the end it boils down to god's pencil and the papyrus on which he inscribed the lyrics of our lives. We can do anythin but cannot make God buy an eraser. You may call him a miser but then thats what he is... Whats meant to go, will go...we can ill-afford to miss a glance at whats coming next...watch out!! It might be meteoroid!!! :P

Kabhi kabhi aditi zindagi mein yu hi koi apna lagta hai

kabhi kabhi aditi wo bichhad jaaye to ek sapna lagta hai

to phir koi kaise muskuraaye kaise hasde khush hoke

aur kaise koi sochde everythin's gonna be ok!!!

The day we find the answer to this 'kaise' we'll be truly happy!!! :)

CROSSROADS..

2008-08-04T19:25:00.001+05:30

The serpentine road lies ahead of me
naked, with its fangs spread out to curse and bite
I walk along melancholy ,with sounds of rustling leaves,
empty skies , and hardly any soul in sight
Maybe there is someone ,but I fail to see
coz the mirage at the horizon
hinders my vision, and retards my senses

What lies ahead i know not,
They say
Its the journey that makes the destination worthwhile ...
I like the road for what it is ,
it hides thy insanity and thy vices
and so I move on , until the knees weaken and the stance falters
until the walk becomes a monologue of empty thoughts ..
until the walk reduces to a crawl

Bruised and broken, but hopeful still
I move on,only to find not one ,but two...
Two serpentine roads opening up to a new horizon
disappearing, melting into the same molten pot
of mixed fortunes, mixed faiths ,and distorted realities..

Why the choice? Why the contradiction?
in the end, It will matter not...
Its right there in thy face...
mockin ,teasing and making thee aware
of the life ,the blood inside thy veins
caught right at the threshold of oozing out
as a sacrificial offering to the two serpants staring at me

I think I know which way to go
but they say
the grass is always greener on the other side
I try to hear the silence of my thoughts
but seems like theyr'e too smug and preen
they just blink like a cursor on an empty screen

I need an answer, a slight nod of the head
to reaffirm ,to reassure my broken spirit
I feel a hand in mine, like a lost companion returned
A beautiful pair of eyes intrude my hazy vision,
and a new breath reinforces my own
"it goads me on to pretend away the fears, of traversing a path untried..
of reaching for a destination unknown.."

I close my eyes for once
and let my companion guide me
not thinking about what is and what can be
But content in the belief that I tried
and my gloated ego for once i belied...
coz its said by those who ever won:
Theres only one rule on the crossroads...
Half done is not undone

Memoirs of the 6th semester

2008-06-17T11:30:00.002+05:30

It seems its been ages since i last wrote a post , and so as i sit here once again typing away, i simply cant wait to complete this post and put it up, especially coz i dont know if this blog will survive after august ...i just wanna make the most of the 2 months thats left of it (maybe or maybe not... just a random thought that i might never update it after august...busy times ahead u see) ,and so i decided to start my new string of posts with my 6 monthly semester memoirs...

And what a sem it has been...so many things happened in such a short time... there's no sem that compares with this one when it comes to surprises shoved at ur face, be it not-so-worth -a-dime/ more-precious-than-a-diamond !!!

So once again, lets rewind a bit. It all started on that windy ,chilly January evening ,with the blower in my room providing some respite ,and my cold hands being terribly put to torture with the impending Economics presntation work that I was supposed to make the next day .I hardly felt like working and the though of going inside my warm blanket and enjoying the siesta was too tempting for me to want to do anything outside it. Then came the familiar gtalk mesg pop-up ,and my life changed forever...well, literally!!! I can hardly describe the next 4 hours (startin at 12 in the night) ,as I multitasked between my presentation and gtalk...only this time ,it wasnt any normal chatting ... I could never have imagined that it would end the way it did, or if anything at all would come out of it(except ofcourse timepass, or timewaste ,depening on how u prefer to look at it!! ) .But this very chat was supposed to be different from the very beginning. And till this day ,i'm amazed at how me and my tanhai made me win over love. Can't disclose too many details about the episode (somethings in life definitely are private!! ), but all I can say is, it was the most awesome start to a semester that looked so bland at the outset. If the starting was so good, nothing else could go wrong, and I'm glad to say as I type this post , that nothing did!! I hope you've by now already understood , that there's gonna be no tragic memories or preachings as in my earlier memoirs in this post. My date with love continues, and until it does, i'll be the happiest person alive!! :)

Moving on, this was the sem that generally proved Jag Suraiya's dictum - "only thing not in short supply is what in local parlance is aptly known as a bumboo. Which is only too frequently administered to our haplessly receptive backsides."

There were a lot of things that had the potential of making this sem regrettable for me too - the fact that I had so many responsibilities on campus ,couldve intimidated me and bogged me down . But, imagine the power of love, i sailed right through and also managed to take care of academics!!! Whew!! And talking about the responsibilites, being the Secretary of Philately and Numismatics, the Coordinator of the biggest event in the annual techfest, the Google Campus Ambassador,the innumerable efforts to get a good internship -there were just too many roles to play ,and that too squeezed within a 2 month bracket. Before this, I'd always thought that delegating duty and making others work is easier compared to workng for somebody ,but its only after I was at the helm of affairs that I realised what an headache it is to depend on others, incase you fail to have an inefficent team. And take my word for it, to be at a managerial position in an MNC will make sure your hairline recedes at the rate of 1 km per meeting!!!

I guess it was a very adventurous sem too!!! I undertook my mini adventure in february when instead of going home on my delhi visit ,I stayed back at my friend's place so that I could meet my sweetheart without any interventions and raised eyebrows!!
And hell, twas tough to hide my motives frm my friend's family and even my own family to an extent. Now what is one supposed to do when his friend's mom asks him why he's stayin at their place and not at his own house, when u dont have a clue about what ur friend has told his parents as the reason..what if one makes a contradictory remark and arouses suspicion!!! Phew!! I was fumbling with words at such a strightforward question. More so , what is one supposed to do when there's a child in the house - my friend's nephew in this context, and he- at the prospect of finding two two "Mamas" over the weekend cant take the shock of putting up with only one of them at once, and wants both as his toys(read both mamas)-that too when ur'e gettin late for ur date!!! Not only that, what when your friend's sister finds out about your motives, or atleast gets a slight hint ,and makes gestures every time you try n leave the house or demand a private corner for a phone call!!! One helluva adventure !! You bet I can write a novel which has more masala than Chetan Bhagat ever had in his "fiction" writings!!!

But that wasnt going to be the end of my adventures ... it was just an idle friday evening when we were musing about what to do on the last weekend before the onset of the dreaded end sems , when I struck gold with the idea of River Rafting in Rishikesh , something that coincidentally had been experienced by most of the guys this semester-but none from our group had been fortunate enough to be part of the travails. So after a string of yes' and no's and a lotta convinving , we had a heathy group of 15 people who were game to go farting ...oops rafting (actually that was an honest typo...but instead of deleting an d correcting , I thought its better to expose the kind of errors one can commit while typing , and what can happen if they are left as it is (no type of software will help u in this regard coz even farting is a correct word! :P )..can u see what mockery i'd have made outta this post had i not discovered my folly!! ) . We started early in the morning for Rishikesh ,although all of us were in a very bad mood ,coz we had just done what we hate most- woken up early on a weekend !!(Sleep for us is like that rare hottie on campus, we really dont wanna be disturbed while we're at it - god help if you if you are the reason for a date goin berserk or disrupting some1's sleep -makes no difference for an IITian. He'd look at you with such a piercing gaze that you'll whither with the guilt if u dont wanna be "bumbooed"!! ). So where was I...yeah ,so we reached Rishikesh in the morning and had a great time by the chilling waters of Ganga. (and I really mean it, one can almost freeze standing in the waters for more than 10 mins!!) .

Somehow the open spaces, mountains, and the river valley spelled freedom for us harried IITians, and we made the most of it ,just dawdling by the river. We didnt know what lay in store for us though , until we sat down on our rafts with our life jackets and helmets in place, and then there was no stopping us . After an initial lesson on rafting ,we were taken straight to our very first rapid , and gosh! its as they say- "fati padi thi" ,but while we were in that rapid, amidst the heightened fear ,we were looking at each other and askin in amazement -"Why am I laughing!!! "-with almost every1 chiming in with the same question!! It was a proud moment when we managed to keep the raft ,or ourselves from being compromised into the whimsical river and its gruesome flow .... but we couldnt hold on for long...as the biggest rapid came ,we were struggling to hold ourselves and the waves hit us fiercely , but in all the hysteria ,all of us saw one thing - on oar that was combating the river alone, without its owner, and thats when we all turned and saw one guy wasnt there in the raft !!! He somehow managed to appear just a second later to allow our hearts to resume its functioning properly, and the trainer caught hold of him and pulled him up !! Last moment casualty averted and we were all thankful for that. The guys face was horrid with the shock ,though once he recovered he said he had the most fun of us all -he actually swam in the rapid!!! To top it all was the jump from the 20 feet high cliff straight into river Ganga...doesnt look like much of a task when one looks at it from below, but when u reach the top and u brace urself to jump ,believe me, u feel like ure going to commit suicide -minus the depression!!! We all freaked out standing there at the top ,but the fact that a few girls jumped in front of us, we could not take an embarrasment ,and so the men moved on as if to save the last bastion of male virility -and in quick succession , we all jumped , and lemme tell u this, if u ever wanna experience ur heart skipping a beat ,thats the best way to do so. The jump lasted 3 secs approx, and between the 2nd and 3rd second, I'd closed my eyes and was packing my bags for my final journey to hell/heaven(whatever He deemed to be fit for me) -but then I heard a loud thud , and oh, what a relief it was to still be alive and kicking- the water that is!!! Pure fun -and that too all under 500 bucks...hehe!!!

Finally we had a tet-e-tete with end sems ,and that wasnt too easy for any of us , nobody had actually studied throughout the sem . But this was the do or die sem -the placements are to begin in december this year ,and this was the last sem which will make its grades counted before we get a job. So everyone seemed to be on a mission to save their grades ,and the last one week before the end sems saw heightened activity on the part of almost every person on campus .Even I ,for the first time, spent a few hours in the library -trying to make sense of how one is supposed to study in such pin -drop silence and an AC that seems to have been sprayed with sleeping gas!! Only on my part -it was an effort to escape the heat more than an effort to study!!! The proffs were too keen on showin their true colours all at once this sem ,and many of em just before the exams had reached such heightened levels of irritabilty that they'd put up notices outside their rooms saying-"CSE 3rd year students to stay away from my room" ,and one proclaiming -"MIT students are a lot better than IIT students " ...we agree with you ,ma'm ,completely , if only u'd have referred to MIT ,USA rather than MIT- Manipal Institute of Technology!!! Preposterous...we were in a state when we could nothing but think how on earth these proffs will ever give good grades to normal people in the class!!! Amidst all the fears , the end sems came , and went ...and now i dont give a damn about the grades..actually nobody does ,now that we're all happily interning!!

For the first time, I really didnt bother much about people around me , and though problems abound came uncalled for from many different people, particularly with one girl on campus threatning me to get me kicked out /suspended at the least(no dont worry , i didnt assault/evetease her, she just happened to be a victim of a theft that happened during our exhibition in which her valuable stamps got stolen-and i being the Secretary , evidently had the sole responsibility of the whole thing!!),and another person accusing me of unfair gameplay in the techfest ,I was in a quagmire for most part of the last 2 months. But luckily ,my chagrine was no match for my happiness at having someone special in my life .SO when I look back in retrospect , I have no qualms at all about the way the last 6 months have turned out to be!! I've changed a lot -and become a lot more optimistic than ever before... happys endings!!! :)

FAREWELL BELLS

2008-05-03T15:58:00.003+05:30

Dedicated to all those whose smiles i'll see for the last time ...maybe...

Lets sit for a while ,lets stare for a while
Heaven can wait lets mock at it for a while
Lets dance for a while, lets dance in style
The music can play still for a while

We'll wait for the race we've won
they'll see our golden faces turned to the sun
come lets have some more fun,some more fun
before we call it a thing done

Let us die young or let us live forever
tomorrow is not in our power
sitting in the cockpit ,we know life's a short trip
lets just finally get a grip,get a grip

Sooner or later , We'll look back on everything
we'll laugh about it like we knew what all was happening
Today lets dance again for a while, lets dance in style
to the tune of heart beats still thumping for a while

The beats are still young
there are so many songs left unsung
so many bottles left undrunk
Sooner or later they'll all be gone
Why dont they stay young, why dont they stay young

Lets bid goodbye in style dear friend
We were the ones who dared to break the trend
we'll dare to dance for a while, dance in style
to the tune of dreams bin' swinging for a while

Lets join our hands and walk another mile
the crimson sky awaits our exile
till the day we dance again for a while, dance in style
the farewell bells have bin ringing for a while ....

KASHMIR.....

2008-04-29T18:13:00.002+05:30

एक जन्नत थी धरती के एक कोने में
himalaya के आँचल में छुपी थी एक वादी
एक नीले आसमान के नीचे
पंछियों की सरसराहट से गूंजती हुई
क्या सरहद और क्या धर्म
जिन्दगी यहाँ पानी में बहते शिकारों की तरह ही तोह थी ...

फीर एक दिन सब बदल गया
कइसी ने आग जैसे डाल दी हो
नर्म नर्म घास पर
वक्त की लड़ाई ने
लीख दी ज़िंदगी हर एक लाश पर ...
नज़र लग गयी शायद इस धरती को
अपने ही आसमान की ...

क्या गलती थी उन पंछियों की
जो हर बरस आते थे यहाँ?
मासूम थे वो ...
उन्हें क्या पता था
एक दीन उनके पंख ही काट दिए जायेंगे
जीन घरो की तलाश में वो आए थे
वह घर ही खत्म हो जायेंगे ...
जीन सरहदों का उन्हें होश ही नही था
वोही सरहद खून बनके यहाँ सबकी रगों में दौड़ेगी ...
उन्हें क्या पता था ...
की उनका आकाश ही उनसे छीन जायेगा ...

क्या गलती थी उन चीनार के पेडो की
जो खुले आसमान के नीचे अपने रंग बरसाते थे ...
मासूम थे वह...
उन्हें क्या पता था
एक दिन गोलिईओं की बरसात उन्हें छलनी कर देगी
जइस आसमान में वो साँस लेते थे
वहीं से बरसेगी खून की बारिश
कहाँ जाते वो चीनार
जो सरहद पर ही उग आए थे ...

क्या गलती थी उन छोटे बच्चों की
जीन्होने इसी धरती पर चलना सीखा था?
मासूम थे वह...
उन्हें क्या पता था...
की एक दिन जीन्होने उन्हें राह दिखाई थी
वो ख़ुद ही भटक जायेंगे?
उन्हें क्या पता था
जीन नकली बंदूकों से वह खेला करते थे
एक दीन उन्ही की गर्गराहट से वह कापेंगे ?

क्या येही था उनका jihaad ?
एक सरहद की खातीर अनदेखी कुछ लकीरों की नुमाईश
या दूर उड़ते परिन्दे को मार गीरा देने का एहसास ?
खील्खिलाते एक शेहेर को शमशान बना देने का एहसास ?

क्या येही था उनका शौर्य ?
देवताओं की इस ज़मीन को लहू लुहान कर देने का एहसास ?
या कुर्सियों की लड़ाई की खातीर धर्म का खेल खेलने की साजइश ?
सहमें हुए दीलो के दरमियाँ लकीरें खीच देने की हीम्मत ...

हान येही था उनका धर्म
जीसने शंखों की आवाज़ छीन ली ...
जो खून की नदी में कहीं डूब के रेह गया ....

DREAMS...

2008-04-23T21:54:00.004+05:30

I dont really know what it means when we dream about something and I've never even tried ... there are so many things that've just kept on running again and again like a tape in my head since god knows when..... but then I also know they've always signified my deepest fears and worries ,only in my dreams theyve always culminated in different forms...
This is what came up when I tried to figure out what really they mean....

It was an apple that fell from a tree
I heard something hitting the ground with a thud...
Thats when I opened my eyes( or did I),
as I sat on a nearby bench , letting time pass by me,
content with the sound of the rustling autumn leaves as the rolled past my feet....

I was a bit unfortunate ,
having been brought into this world ages after Newton was...
the bastard discovered gravity first , else today twud've bin in my name....
my apple ,my gravity...
Bt all dreams cant be realised,n so i went back to my slumber...

I opened my eyes after a while(or did I?)
and watched a beautiful butterfly flap its wings out of its chrysalis...
preparing to take its first flight into this big brave world...
I tried to run after it ...i wanted to share this creature's beauty
i wanted to fill the sky with its colour...
but the soft earth beneath my feet gave way...
and I was falling into an inescapable ravine....
falling ...

Falling still.... till I opened my eyes and found myself on the bench...
with the fallen apple lying a few steps away...
I tried to gather myself... Maybe I was dreaming...
but ...but ...the chrysalis was still there,
and the butterfly..still struggling to come out...
I looked away ,not trying to believe my dream could come true...

I stood up and started walking towards a small lake
the blue water reflecting the sunlight and giving sanctuary to frogs ambling about frantically... I noticed another moat nearby...
with a shinier ,blue water ,and small lotuses growing out ...
I was thirsty ,I wondered where to drink from...
I had to make a choice,
and I took the moat 'coz it looked more appealing from the outside...
maybe its water was more enriching ,maybe it'd be more fulfilling....
maybe....

I bent down and took a sip ...
it was only then that I saw the weeds inside ,
and thats when I realised why it was a shinier colour...
I watched as my hands and feet disappeared into droplets of water,
and I rained down slowly into the moat....
my body became one with it ,
and the weeds were now my own to bear...
I tried to hold ... but it didnt stop...

I was slipping away still....
until I opened my eyes and found myself on the bench...
The apple was still hanging from the tree,
The chrysalis rested peacefully in one of its branches..

I looked away ,not trying to believe my dream could come true...
I looked at the lake behind me,looking as beautiful as before...
The moat lay still beside it....
I knew what to do this time....I had learned my lessons....
It was then that I realised...
All that we see or seem is
but a dream within a dream...

THE ASYLUM CALLED IIT...

2008-03-26T00:33:00.009+05:30

STATUARY WARNING : IF youre in IITR 3rd year...i wouldnt advise you to read this post...still if you read and find yourself boiling , I suggest you take 1 tab Paracetamol (its an effective medicine for bringing down body temps!!) ... I do not wish to be approached for what I write here under any circumstance ,or at any given point of time.... Those about whom I write here will definitely know it ,and all I'd say is - I had immense pleasure showing you a mirrror!!! For every1 else and for those I wish would read this, this post should be a waste of tym..unfortunately...muahaha!!!

Hmm...51 posts old and my blogging frequency is already on the dowturn ...i wonder what brought me to this ....looking bak ,i used to be such an avid blogger....Maybe i shouldnt think so much ,considering whatever has happened since this year began has been positive and I intend and hope to keep it that way

So after a long time and after about 2 drafts that i finally decided to dump, i'm here with a KRAZZY post (minus the Hrithik and SRK "stolen" item nos.!!! ) ,and make no mistake...this aint no ordinary post...this one's the real expose on the frickin IITians ...well ,not all of em...bt the ones I wanna expose!!! :D

Mélange-(n)-a mixture, or a group of different things or people. This is how the dictionary puts it. One can’t help but wonder how apt it is to our lives ,such as they’ve become. The tumultuous yet carefree lives of IITians – a confused mélange of the possible events and the impossible castles in the air . A mélange of aims, aspirations and ideas –the common thread that runs through us and binds us all together .The mélange of courses and rigorous schedules wer’e put through.....
..... The mélange of sounds one hears entering the bhawan premises is something not to be missed- be it the cacophony of the 2^nd yearites while playin cricket/football ( who seem to play less and scream more) , or the blaring sound of guns and ticking bombs (ohh…our hostel isn’t exactly a war front… ye sab to Counter Strike ki mahima hai!!) …the most gothic rock numbers to the most sober songs,and even the bathrooms in the morning when you get to hear the clear, unfiltered notes of the falling water, and the singer(ahem…bathroom singer to be precise) boldly holds his ground, in a mélange of all kinds of voices –the list just keeps on increasing( did I miss the chirping birds early in the morning…ohh most of us know it apparently, with all those night outs!!)

This is what I recently wrote for my hostel magazine ,and couldnt have articulated more perfectly ...the thoughts just flowed ,except for that first para where I was forced to mention how everyone of us seem to be in perfect harmony. Actually ,all through this article i wrote ,I've silently poured out my hatred for everyone out there (except a few) ,but written it so subtly that they'll never be able to see it through ...they do have a reputation of making a fool out of themselves ...they'll do that once again when they read this article and feel happy(oh I sure know they would ).

Before i let myself lose and let my emotions overflow, lemme introduce u to A New Breed abundantly found in my college -

1) The ALPHA IITian: These are the kind of people who'd be all over you when they need a favour ,and looking into their eyes will find you in hot water...literally!!! The amount of brotherly love and care they'd show in moments of urgency is amazing for a breed which tore away the pages of the dictionary which had these adjectives...or verbs...or whatever.... Gosh! they'll want you near em in the exam hall if they know u've prepared for the exam, they'll want your notes if u ever do make em, they'll almost lick at your feet for proxies... but ask for the same favour in return and the kind of look they give u will burn u into pieces at the place where u stand .Try and give them a taste of their own character ,and u'll have to confront their inflated ,and now bruised -EGOs!!!! And ego here is in the real sense of the world ,which ofcourse isnt the proper way in which it should be defined!!! (i'm the most egotistical person u'll come across ,if only ego could be defined the way I want to!!! hehe!!)

2)The BETA IITian: These are the kind of people who'll pretend to their capacities to be the best of your friends ,and would assert it time and again by saying and sorry and getting away with it and then catching you by the collar and asking you for forgiveness... With them u'll wish to plead for mercy just when u see a slight hint of it in their eyes... They'd be sugar coated nice to you when u talk to them ,but behind ur back they'l bitch about u... when in a group ,this breed tends to isolate you and join the whims of the whole group ,esp when theyre directed entirely against u!!! Moreover, they are characterised by their sadist natures which is fed on the gullibility of a chosen few....bloody parasites.... :P

3)The GAMMA IITian: This breed is not too unique and wouldnt come as a surprise coz this is what every IITian is to the outer world... A ghissu (read bookworm) .... These are the people who are so proud of their high CGPAs that they almost wanna trample upon the feet of their not so blessed counterparts. They'll not wanna discuss with u matters pertaining to academics ,and hence ,they wont discuss anythin with you ,coz they hardly,if ever talk about anythin other than academics. They'll rightfully hold their heads high when the results come out ,and would give a dirt sideways glance to all those 8 or 7 pointers standing in the vicinity ,and would leave with a fart of loud chuckle at their face . They wouldn't help one pass an exam if the unlucky one happens to be outta their league ,and would come up with awsome excuses for not having helped. If only they could realise that every1 in IIT is worth an ounce of his brain and can study the way they study (if only he wastes lesser amount of time in doin unnecessary jobs!!) ,this world would be such a better place to live

4)The FIITians: Well...this refers to the non-existent ,or call it rare if that comes as a consolation- female breed . I do not incude this breed here just for the heck of it. I say this is rather the most hated (by me!!) breed here. With 7 guys' hostels and just 1 of the opposite sex, they sure have guys swooning over them in large flocks ,and this is what has given them the luxury to take every guy for granted -coz most apparently ,when there are too many things of the same kind , each one of them becomes less precious!! And oh, this breed is so characterised by the absence of any bond ,any respect for people of its own kind. I fail to understand why- girls here dont get along well together (dont eat my head if ur'e one of the exception kinds!! :P ) .If only ,someone could tell them how they dont deserve a pinch of respect for the kind of pride they have in their behaviour ,and that they cannot hold the entire institute to ransom just coz theyr'e rare- things would pretty much make a lotta sense!!! Phew!!!

5)The CHOC-A-BLOC IITians: Hmm...in other words ...people like me...together constitute 1% of the population here!!! Wer'e the ones wholove ourselves ,and who're trying to love everyone else around them. Most of the times its a futile effort and we end up falling face down ,but we still dont lose hope ,and thats when we collide into each other - finding solace in each other's warmth... talking (literally) about all those mundane things that make life so beautiful (and ugly as well ).... for once we dont have to thin about what we speak.... we let our hearts do the talking...and leave our minds to rest for a while...we meet as infrequently as rain in a desert ,but when we do ,people cant help to notice the kind of energy we radiate ...be it just another talk over coffee,or a dance at the fest ,we love to let our hair down ,for all to see...I hope we can be good examples for people to emulate...till then, we'll rejoice in the recognition of each other and an acknowledgement of the other's presence...somewhere... :)

On second thoughts ,everyone is a different person ,everyone has a choc-a-bloc "them" in themselves...they lose their identities somewhere along the way in a bid to get along with people and gain larger acceptance from society . I dont know why but this trend of being in synch with "what people say" is ruining the very nature of people in this place, and in all my efforts to find exceptions , i'd say i've hardly (and most fortunately for that) found just about a couple of them...
There are so may people who're finally bidding goodbye to their college this year ,and I see so many happy memories splashed across orkut ,or blogs ...I see them share the same camaraderie with each other as at one point (and even now) i shared with my school mates. And i keep wondering-will I ever be so emotional about the last 4 years when i finally punch out of IIT...will I want to remember the people around me and capture their gleeful smiles on the reel?? Will I have atleast a "few" memories that I'd wanna live out in the last few days?? And the only answer that comes out is a big NO... i'd rather leave a dark black hole to fill in these 4 years of my life... I used to wish if I could rewind my life ..but now I wish I could just forward it by one year!!!

THE FOUR THINGS (tagged by Nishi)

2008-03-04T11:20:00.004+05:30

Four schools/colleges/jobs I’ve been at in my life :

1)Kulachi Hansraj Model School, Ashok Vihar ,Delhi:That was way back in Kindergarten;the only memory i have from there is falling face down just after the assembly got over and getting my knee bruised ;still have the mark which has been too stubborn to go away even after 15 years!!

2) Ryan International School ,Ghaziabad :The school that build my foundation , and helped me become the person that I am today ,with all the creativity bullioned into me right from the very first class that I attended there. The kind of respect the teachers and authorities had there for me still gives me a high .The feeling of everybody knowing you by name is just unsurpassed(though I fail to see the point when i say that,but still it makes one feel like a celebrity!!! lol!!) . Made a lot of good friends ,but not in touch with any of them now. All in all ,had the best 8 years of my life at this school. Even awarded the "all-rounder" and "Genius" neckties and shields when i finally left the school.

3)Montfort School,Ashok Vihar,Delhi: My transition from Delhi-Ghaziabad-Delhi was now complete. Rightly said ,life does come full circle. Cried a lot initially ,what with problems adjusting to a metropolitan city and its self centered people,in addition top being constantly bullied by peers and teachers alike.
My admission to this school was an interesting one though. I arrived at the school with my parents on the day of the test(which incidentally was a month after the session had begun ,on the insistence of my parents ,and ofcourse the "sifaarish" of one MP) ,only to know that the madam who conducts the test had been on leave. I was quite ok with it when the princi said it ,and was actually overjoyed at the thought of returning back to my gud ol' school ,when suddenly my mom began to cry ,that too in front of the princi .She wanted to prove a point maybe ,and told the princi she wants me admitted at any cost. The princi acquiesced ,and decided to take an interview himself,right on the spot. He asked me a few maths problems and some arbit ques. i answered em all helf heartedly ,not caring if theyr'e correct or not, but as luck would have it,the next thing I know was the princi congratulating my parents -"Welcome to the Montfort Family!!". I was too numb to feel anything ,but there I was -admitted to a new school ,without even bidding goodbye to my ol friends. And so the journey began from class VIII onwards.Life had been fairly simple to me before that. The school kinda taught me how to struggle against the odds and prove oneself to the world. It took me a year to assimilate into the class ,and by class IX , I had found a cozy circle of friends and a place in the top five rankers of the class!!

After spending 4 years in this school (and culminating finally with a suspension) ,I walked out after having learned so much from a competetive environment and from the varied kinds of people i met here. But in all respects ,i owe a lot to it...including the fact that it enabled me to meet the one i respect the most,love the most...ahem ahem....

4) IIT Roorkee:Aasman se tapka hua khaajoor mein hi atakta hai...no doubt ..here I am !!!No need to say anything about this place....

Four TV shows I love to watch :

If the expected answer is all-time favourites ...here it goes:

1) Tom and jerry, Dexter's Lab, Swat Kats, Ducktales, Alladin, Talespin, Power Rangers, Turtles ....phew!!! I club them as one coz i remember being so hooked on to these as a kid,and they still manage to mesmerise me ,even though they only show silly repeat telecasts now!!!Toons rock!!
There are some things in life which just give you pure bliss, and once youre into them you dnt really have to think too much about anything else. Cartoons are on of 'em.

2)The O.C. : This was one helluva TV Show. Watched it during the first year of college. Cried with it ,laughed with it ,lived with it. 4 seasons of no -nonsense drama. This is reality ,it was good to face it on TV before actually experiencing it!!!!

3)Comedy : Used to watch DIL KYA CHAHTA HAI, KHICHDI, SARABHAI VS SARABHAI, SHARARAT, AND FRIENDS in the days of high school. Now graduated to the likes of COUPLING, HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, SCRUBS ,etc etc....

4)PRISON BREAK AND HEROES: The best series ever !!!!!! Edge of the seat action....go for it!!!

Four places I have lived :

1)Delhi : why ofcourse!!! :D
2)Ghaziabad: those were the days....
3)Singapore :well ,almost (used to be there for 2 months everuy year for 3 years!!! ) ...does it qualify???!! ;)
4) London : The question only says "places I have lived" .This is one city I have lived ,seeped through my eyes, soaked in my blood , and felt its air against my face. Yes, I dont care if it was only for a month , I have LIVED this city and its (multi)culture through and through!!!

Four movies I can watch over and over :

1)Kal ho Na Ho: Watched it 50 times already...need i say more?!!! ;)
2)Rang De Basanti :WOW!!! Just opened my eyes ,and during the days we spent rallying against the reservation bill ...this became our inspiration...
3)Mera Pehla Pehla Pyaar : Anything to remind me of my school days...and the innocence!!! :)
4)A Walk to Remember: Cute,mushy and so close to reality...

Four books I liked the most (read in recent times) :

I dont read a lotta books ...so maybe the ones I mention arent the best picks....but still ,lemme tell ya:
1)To Kill A Mocking Bird : Awesome book... so much is said through the innocence and curiosity of a li'l girl whose trying to figure out the world through her eyes. The way she interprets everythin is just so close to what it really is. Somehow wer'e so blinded by our own mask when we grow up that we tend to justify everything that happens according to what is/should be ideal(according the rest of the people) so much so that we seem to be living in a constant illusion,a mirage of our own life...so detached from reality...But the way this book makes one realise it just amazing.
2)Veronica Decides to Die: this one by paulo Cohelo is sweet madness....literally and figuratively.... gives away an instant message about how we should lead our life (and also end it) on our own terms and not how the society dictates it... Also how the constant awareness of death can lead one to cherish his/her life!!!
3)PG Wodehouse-Pelican at Blandings: Laugh riot...typical wodehouse literature!!!
4)Anything for You Ma'm- An IITians love story : This one's to lighten up the load off your life... best romantic novel ive read recently!!

Four places I have been on holiday (in the last couple of years):

1)Goa:cant remember nething beyond it!!! ;)
2)Mumbai
3)Bangalore: courtesy Google
4)Jaipur:awful city :P... seems its called pink city because people have a habit of spitting after chewing tobacco there...so u can find a lotta pink stains!! :P (no offence to Jaipur-ites!!! )
cant remember nething beyond it!!! ;)

Four of my favourite dishes:

If the food is good ,my appetite goes outta control,and here are somethings which can have that kinda effect:
1)Pasta: with mushroom sauce...sumptuous
2)Baked Vegetables with Cheese : Light ,healthy and very very tasty ;)
3)Chilli Potatoes :An awesome Chinese dish!!
4)All things that mom makes at home :maybe due to the rarity of it ;)

Four websites I visit daily:

1)Orkut :cant help ...the addiction refuses to go....
2)Gmail and Hotmail
3)Google.com and Google Groups
4)Blogger blogs

Four places I would rather be right now:

1) In the arms of ...ahem ahem :)....wow!!!
2)Attending a class (coz m bunkin one while writing this!!! )
3)A sea beach...just sittin ...watching the waves hit the shore...
4)At a DJ...can dance anytime of the day!!

Four music tracks playing on my comp(of late):

1)Miss you :Westlife
2)Tears Dont Fall:Bullet For My Valentine
3)When your'e Gone: Avril
4)Ae Kaash ke hum : Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa (SRK's oldy!! )

Four people I am tagging :

1)Anshul
2)Preeti
3)Annie
4)Kriti

Kitna timepass karna hai...bas show khatam ho gaya....ghar jao!! :P

OF BUTTERFLIES AND BEES!!! ;)

2008-02-06T14:24:00.002+05:30

Phew!! My first actual post of the year!!! feels gr8 to be back in action again...
So its February ...the season of love as they call it,and we poor IITians have so much other than love scheduled for the month, the frickin mid sems notwithstanding (who the hell chose Valentine's day as a perpetual date for setting the exam !!! It happenz wonly at IIT :P)

Now needless to say(for the regular readers ) ,the first month of this year has been a very eventful one ,and a lotta thinga that i couldnt have imagined in my wildest dreams just struck me in the face... The bliss of having some1 say "i love you" or the best internship one could ever get- i have it all, and a lot more!

There are some things that in my 20 years of life I had never experienced ,and now that I have felt them so closely ,must say everything has been worth it through and through, and even after i know the xperience ,its so not like the process of opening a gift-wrapper ,when the excitement in the process dies as soon as you discover what the gift is -coz what i've felt is just beyond words, and everlasting. Sometimes ,its scary, what if it just falls apart one day ?? Do i really have the privilege of being so happy at a given time?? Well, at the risk of sounding paranoid -must say feels a bit surreal ,but what the heck -I know i'll make the most of it till the happiness lasts!! But must say ,nothings comes without strings attached!! Lemme elaborate a on few interesting things:

-->Well, I guess the first few weeks of falling in love or falling out of it are essentially the same.For starters ,one actually lies in bed the whole day listening to slow songs (the lyrics start to matter so much more than ever before...wow...i inadvertantly sounded a bit poetic here too!!!) ,wistfully thinking about just one person!!! Phew!!!Not just this, one suddenly starts to have a sea change in his overall perception of things and general attitude towards life ...When you fall outta love , you feel like hitting every other person close to you ;on the other hand ,when you fall into it, you'd wanna give a jaadu-ki-jhappi to all and sundry (oh! and this feeling gets pronounce when there's a hottie around ,though at the risk of being one-tight-ishlapped a la kal ho na ho!!! :P)

-->Delhi seemed to be teeming with happening places to hang out only until last month...but now it suddenly seems that there's not a single place in delhi to go to ,somewhere the crowd can just leave you to your own devices (and your own girl and her rum balls!!) .One goes to a movie to find a house full (of wasted /vella people!!) ,and you go to a fast food joint with just the same results -only this time,the joint is full of "joint" families with disjoint opinions about what to eat and uncontrollable kids with one eye on your girl and the other on your rum ball!!!!! :P

-->People /things/ even online messengers seem to start playin "sadist" with you. Your parents ,who'd have been inviting u home since so many days ,would suddenly start gettin suspicious even if you go home only for a day( or is it becoz ur'e goin home only for "a" day!!) ,and hold an unwelcome look when u reach home (seems for a moment that ur'e house is only ur guesthouse -only,this one is in your hometown!! :P) . More than this, your phone starts playin fickle games with u,and u can't seems to connect a normal call to the object of ur affection. And what when even Gtalk starts complaining when u wanna send something across and hatches a plot to get the 2 lovebirds to fight by sayin at one end-"the sender withdrew his offer" and at the other-" the receiver declined the offer"!!!
Not to 4get how people just cant seem to stop watching you on your first date,and even waiters turn up to remind you of social values ,as if they're blessed with the supreme duty!!

-->You start lying too much and too often...with all and sundry(sometymes even to her...lol !!!)

Ahem ..... PYAR KE SIDE EFFECTS anyone????!!!! lol :P

Divine Interventions ;)

2008-01-27T23:16:00.001+05:30

Since this is the only thing ive written in the past 1 month...i thought why not put it up here as well ;)

Hey honey,

There's me....
walkin along a highway of broken dreams
There's you...
flyin strong and high over mighty seas
There's us...
A fresh bud of rose trembling in the winter wind
just like an artist's aquatint...

There's me...
yearning to be in the arms of the one
There's you
smiling at the moon and the sun
There's us
together sailing amidst the stars
we've lost trail of where's venus and where's mars...

Not everything is supposed to be left to chance
Some words just need to be said
I'll wait forever for even just a glance
Without you,I'll long be dead...

There's me...
the lone joker in the pack
There's you...
the puzzle of my heart that I just can't crack!
There's us..
we found each other when no one else was looking
there were never birds that were ever mocking ;)

There's me....
I'd walk across the desert with no shoes upon my feet
to share with you the last bite of bread I hate to eat
There's you...
who made my heart leap,my eyes gleam
to show me what love would mean
There's us...
We'd whisper love so loudly every hear could understand
That love, and only love, can join the tribes of men

Not everything is supposed to come true
Some words jus dont rhyme
If they arent written abt you
Loving you is my only crime...

_____________________________________________________________

N hope u will alwaz remember:
"theres thwo things i kno for sure-
she was sent frm heaven above
n shez the only girl i love...
I drop on my knees at her bed every night
She talks to God and i close my eyes
N i thank Him for all the joy in my life...
Butterfly kisses after bedtime prayers,
Sticking li'l white flowers all up in her hair...
N after all the wrong,I mustve done somethin right
To deserve her hug every morning..
and butterfly kisses every night " :)

I love you....forever....

Memoirs of sem 5th!!

2007-12-20T23:56:00.000+05:30

SO here I am,after a very long tym ,once again...and yeah as for the excuse ,I think there was nothin more or better that comes to my mind than just not having nethin worth writing. Life has been really fast since the past couple of months,and so maybe I didnt even get time to stop and think where its been going.

This semester isnt somethin that is characterised by events that can change the face of one's life ,but the thing that makes it stand out is probably the fact that there was so much to take care of ,starting with preparing for CAT(which by the way is somethin that still has to get off the mark) , fighting for a good CGPA(which has been as i can see as of now,a lost cause) , vying for a good internship(no success in that dept again) , or just those regular evening walks to grab an ice cream or god's blessings at the saraswati temple ,and going out to brush my tennis skills (which still remail rustic!!) ,the days' schedule had been more or less packed until the body needed to retire in bed after a gruelling routine. And with the advent of the internet in hostel rooms, a lot of time ,inconspicuously was given to gtalk ,orkut and what not!!

And so ,taking a li'l offbeaten track this time frm my earlier semester memoirs ,I thought I'd probably write down a few things that i've learned from it. We might well look at em someday and have a good laugh ,but now as the things stand ,we dont seem to understand where wer'e headed and if what wer'e doing is of consequence in the bigger picture . Not that i want to sound padagogic or preachy out here ,but maybe there's someone out there who'd have thought the same and would agree with me ,or maybe someone who'd look back and realise the relevance of what i'm saying.

It was really surprising to come across instances when people ,out of sheer madness (well,maybe!!),tore out notices for internships or scholarships so that nobody would read them and apply ,and so they beleived maybe they could clear out the competetion a bit .And ,even though their attempts failed and we got to know about the notices from sumwhere or the other ,there came to be an atmosphere of distrust and suspicion everywhere .It was as if people had been dying and there was one among us who was the killer ,and as if every1 looked at every1 else with the contempt that the killer deserved.All those smiling faces seemed fake ,but still people couldnt help flashin their yellow stalactites and stalagmites ,just to try n prove their innocence . Did I become one of them?? Well,frankly I dont really know ,but the fact that I didnt fear to show my hatred towrards a few did get me a few frowns in return. Sheesh,honesty has no place in today's world.And, its getting even worse,trust me(did I just say -TRUST ME!!!! ahhh....4get it then!!! :P)

One interesting that I'd like to put in between this post ,lest you-the reader gets bored is- Never judge a book by its cover and a greeting card by its hearts!!! LOL... Saying this coz we had this really funny incident....Me n my friend Mani, on one of our trips back home had taken the less charted Shatabdi with me,joining in at the very last moment -having bought someone else's ticket coz i couldnt wait another day to get back home... So ,here we were sitting next to this hot girl in the train, and Mani, having had broken up with his girlfriend just about a few days earlier ,was all excited about the "prospects" ...No amount of calming prevented him from fantasizing and so I let him sit next to her and conveniently took the aisle seat maself -better left alone with westlife's soul stirrers ...So for the next 1 hour or so ,we sat quietly ,chatting in between ,but with no interaction with the girl who sat next to us . What we saw during this time ,to Mani's (and to a certain extent my own) dismay was a card in her hand which she took out to scribble something ,but since all that was visible on it were 2 hearts ,which the experienced Mani pointed out were for sure meant for her boyfriend,we got a little flustered. I didnt buy his opinion and was optimistic about her seemingly singleton status .We argued a bit ,and without making any considerable headway and without any idea in sight as to how we could ascertain who was correct (even though we contemplated at one point asking her straightaway !!) ,got back to our boring businesses. It was only after the dinner was served and her cell's battery ,it seems had all got exhausted ,did she ask us that harmless question -"what's the time??" she said . The time was promptly told and having found a good excuse for conversation,Mani jumped into it with me joining into the fray 5 minutes thereafter !! And after that ,I can proudly say it was me who carried the conversation forward ,and I was cheered on by the fact that she smiled and laughed too often and was a pucca dillwaali(oops !!! Dilli-waali i meant!!! )..But not to forget ,apart from all this ,both of us were still eager to ask her about those 2 hearts ,and if there was one for each of us!!..but we didnt have to try much ... coz it turned out that she was goin home for her parents' marriage anniversary and it was only understood that it was meant for them !!!LOL...though Mani nowadays argues -"she had 2 cards dude!!! There was one for her bf!! "...I can only say go 2 hell becoz all i kno is I often to talk to her and that she's really sweet ,and thus ,I cannot care less about her being committed!!! But what the heck,therez someone who loves her parents so much to give em an anniversary card!!! Hats off!!!!

Another thing that came into prominence was how not having a girlfriend was taking a toll on every1's life ....being an IITian does confer you with that honour of singledom and also imposes upon you the much revered vow of chastity!!! Every1 knows that i guess,but never have I seen people going so berserk in girls' company . So there were people who had a harmless crush over girl in the campus ,but couldnt think of how to talk .No amount of advice from my side got their asses to talk or even say 'Hi' . Then there were people ,who ,during the fest ,having found some female company had got a headrush and forgotten their lifelong friends!! There was also a moron who drank 6 pegs in front of his brother just to bemoan how the girl of her dreams had turned down his 4th proposal ,and then vomitted an equal no. of times (if ur'e reading this mr. chatter ,please understand that i'm not jeering at ur action,twas perfectly normal ,except for the fact that you dont need to give so much importance to some1 who deosnt care!!)... I've never understood why in this bloody campus ,people cant keep to themselves and have to give that sartorical faux pas-"Kaun thi huh??? which year?? Friend ya...". Are people really so obsessed with relationships ,that they miss out on the finer details!!!

I've learned-that we should always give a chance to our luck .And I say that coz uptil about 2 hours before i was selected as the Google ambassador ,i wasnt even decided on whether i'd participate. I kinda had other things planned for the evening ,and kept on playin with the form for about 15 mins just for the sake of giving my company(and oh,my pen too!!) to my friends who were so busy filling it up. But then ,dont know how and dont know why,when i got my pen back ,I had this urge to write down all that they'd asked us,coz somehow the questions seemed interesting ,and so I did just that -filled it up in a handwriting which was as illegible as i could've managed!!! But oi, somehow I got shortlisted for the GD ,even as i had made my way out for some other errand ,and from there onwards there was no looking back. It was only when i was conferred with the honourable post that I realised how important I had suddenly become and even better,how imp it had proved in boosting my sense of self-worth ,which I had kinda lost completely!!

I've learned-There are times when things might not go well between you n your friends ,but I guess when you hold your nerve ,be patient ,and keep the doors open ,they might realise how precious you are to them and might wanna come back. Well,there are people who'd beleive that even a small fight or not talkin to someone for a couple of days would mean that they'd got to a point from where therez no coming back again ,and that they've "crossed the line". All i know is ,the very people that accused me ,or hurled curses at me at one point of time ,have got back to the way it used to be,becoz theyve tried to depend on other people and everytime ,theyve fallen face down .If you hold your ground,they'd learn their lessons and beleive in you once again. So therez nothing like a broken friendship ,only broken visions and broken souls ,but who said they cant be mended?? There are no second chances in friendship ,coz it aint a game of chance at all !! If u trust some1 to be ur friend at some point,please dont let them ask you for a second chance ...Just be there when they need you...And why exactly am i including this here??Well,its coz i've seen a lot of fights and all of them have found their meaning just now,when all of them wished me "HAPPY BIRTHDAY"...trust me,therez no greater joy than having somebody who fought with you at some point ,wish you cheerfully !!!

Talkin of birthday ,I wanna thank all the people who took the pain of wishing me and kept my phone ringing on the auspicious day. I've never had so many people call me on my b'day...love ya all!!!!!!!

Before we meet...

2007-12-07T22:28:00.000+05:30

(co-authored with the one who-shalt-not-be-named!!!!)
This one goes out to those who i'll never be able to meet

Thank you for tomorrow
When ur'e gonna call me
Thank you for the weekend
when your'e gonna see me
Thank you for the memories
we havent made yet
Youve alwaz been there
Even before we met

Well dat's just not all..
m not gonna thank you
for the moments u never spent with me.
n for the hours, alone u left for me..
I did wait for u on the swing
for all I needed was a little push
but the wind dint blew..
n till far end appeared neither you..

Thank you for the best times
that i've lived cherishing
Thank you for the journey
on the road unending
Thank you for the fights
we havent even fought yet
Youve alwaz cared
even before we met

m not here thanking you
for dat one friend you gave me not.
u cud've sat with me on that bench
n wudnt hav I talked long..
preaches n speeches .. mah style maybe
but for u.. I wud've changed it all
if for once u'd hav called me..
never wud've you seen my back on.

Thank you in advance for the love you gave me
I've had a glance of the good life.
You'll be there when nobody believes me
I've gone through it all in my mind.
Thank you for the times when u left me lonely,
To watch the tide wash away the sand.
I'm amazed at the way ur'e still here
even before we met..

For there were words I dint mean at all,
n there were a few... thought u'd get the clue,
but u moved further on..
never to turn back again.
I might hav seen it all already,
but there was this cloud of mist.
n day in and day out I wish u werent the one,
who stood watching me drown into the deepest well.

Thank you still for the picture in my head
of the crimson sunset and the faraway moon
Thank you for the hours u keep me waiting
for in em i've found a reason to live and swoon
Thank you for all those empty screams
that in the dark hours let my spirit loom
I thank you today for i died in ur arms
and I wait this day to see you soon...

surely I may like to thank you.. for having touched this soul..
if not in my arms u ever flowed..
u always meant sumthing more..
a lot more than the one in my heart core..
n for long I couldnt hear u say..
for long maybe I wished that u'd say..
loud u cried that day...
n today.. its this day..I wanna thank you..
coz I knew u'd come even though a bit late..
forever to stay..

I'm Already There : A Ballad...

2007-11-16T19:11:00.001+05:30

He called her on the road

from a dark cold hotel room

just to hear her say i love you

one more time

coz even a thousand miles apart

he wanted to feel her near

She picked up the phone

and he could feel her breathe

and he wondered how blessed was he

to have someone love him so deep

He heard voices in the background

of the children ,laughing and playing

Couldn't help but he

had to wipe away that tear

that came rolling on his cheek

A little voice came over the phone

and said -daddy when you coming home

He could only say the first thing that came to his mind

I'm already there

take a look around

I'm the sunshine in your hair

I'm the shadow on the ground

I'm the whisper in the air

I'm your imaginary friend

and i know

i'm even in your prayers

Ohh...I'm already there

She came back on the line

said -darling i love you

dont worry about the kids-they'll be fine

but you know that all through

i've been missing you

i wish dreams could be wishes

and that wishes would come true

coz all i want tonight is to hold you

to kiss your lips

and touch you with my fingertips

when you lie here beside me

when i'll be in your arms

Coz my love is deeper than the deepest valley

and higher than the greatest mountain

like the first day of the summer

when we lay

looking up at the sky all day

like the church steeple

that loves the blue cloud that settles far away

And i know i'm in your dreams

and in your reverie

so close your eyes

and there you'll find me

He could only say the first thing that came

to his mind

I'm already there

take a look around

i'm the sunshine in your hair

i'm the raindrop falling on the ground

i'm the beautiful rainbow

i'm the smile on your face

and the song you hear wherever you go

Oh...I'm already there

She waited for him the next day

and kept a watch on the way

the hours passed by

as the mist in the morning

and then the sunlight gleaming on her fresh lipstick

gave way to the wolfs howling

As the moon came over the grey sky

she held the rose he'd given her,

so that she wouldn't cry

But then the news came

which had his name

there was an accident so sore

and suddenly,he was no more

The rose fell as she watched

her children in the moonlight

their laughter couldnt stop her tears

as she felt all those years,

getting drowned in the sea of time..

emotions became a whirlpool

there was someone who was mine

then why did it all go down like this?

She screamed and fell on the floor

in a crumpled heap,beside the rose

Why did you leave me

in a world so alone ,so empty

but then a light so tender

on her shone

and she heard a familiar voice

I'm already there

I'm the sunshine in your hair

I know i'm in your prayer

Can't you see

the love that we share

Ohh...I'm already there....

I'm always there....

DANCE...in the Sweet November Rain...

2007-11-05T23:21:00.001+05:30

Just pressing the rewind button for once,
for those footprints that we left on the sands of time ,
for the sandcastles that were drowned with the tide,
and for the times which were washed away in the rain ...
I'm just looking forward to looking back on these days...

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared
'neath the stars above..
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known
that you'd ever say goodbye ..

But now I'm glad I didn't know ..
The way it all would end,
the way it all would go ..
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain ,
But I'd have had to miss THE DANCE..

Holding you, I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king ...
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say? You know I might have changed it all ..

And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end
the way it all would go ..

It's my life, it's better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss THE DANCE...

PS: The "dance" signifies more than the dance in the literal sense of the word...its a kinda metaphorical clause for the lives we lead...every time it punishes us with pain,it gives us another reason to live, and to live better...moments of hapiness are few n oft short lived.. The day we die,we'd not only miss the dance ,but we'll miss the pain ,and this whole world...

PS2: I'm not saying this is the only interpretation of this post...:P

MAGIC OF THOMSO 07

2007-11-01T20:46:00.000+05:30

Well my blog's title itself says that this blog is for those moments n memories that deserve to be etched in golden letters in onez memory...forever!!!
The annual cultural fest of IITR-Thomso 07 was one such event ,which came amidst low expectations , and fascinated and stupified to such an extent that could untangle the rolled hairs of an english emperor and leave ones hairs standing on an end like a porcupine's!!! It was what they say- "it came ,it saw ,it conquered" not only our hearts and minds,but everythin else that remained to be conquered!!
With a participation of 3000 people from all corners of the country,a budget of 31 lac and a full coverage by channel [V] ,it got an unparalleled fame which will keep it going strong for the years to come

Be it the awsome fash P (vogue) ,or the mind boggling War of DJs (Youthanasia-which took place for the first time ),and even the enchanting Xhileration (with Bombay vikings ), the event left us out of breath and still panting for more action . Those endless platters of "Rajkachori", the momos,the pastries and the ice creams ,were all exotic to us ,coz all of em are things that we dont usually have at a village like roorkee .... Those endless hours of dancing ,and more dancing ...those endless hours spent filling out that Mr. and Ms. Thomso questionnaire ,the spectacular performances put up by teams in footloose ,and playing the BLUFFMASTER and getting "bakra"d ourselves -the memories are endless and every moment worth cherishing...

I've put up the pics already and so if anyone really is interested in Thomso 07 (or if i have managed to arouse your interest with this post ),feel free to peek-a-boo at :

THOMSO 07 PICS

Will put up the BAKRA vidoes soon...

Watch this space for the next post!!

TAGGED BY KRITI...

2007-10-30T13:08:00.000+05:30

Well...had no clue about this tagging business about an hour ago when I had this sudden scrap from Kriti -"Uve bin tagged ",and i was at a loss to understand what exactly she meant by it... But after a li'l explaining and a sample too ,i can say i'm well versed with this tagging thing ,coz i've already done a lotta similar stuff filling slams and profiles on social networking sites!!!
Though I really hate that i'm sitting here and typing when i would have otherwise bin sleepin...lol... but newaz now that the responsibility has bin thrust upon my frail shoulders (or better put it as fingers..lol),i'd better play my part and complete this thing that i've started with !! ;)

And as far as the readers of this space are concerned ,i'm not exactly putting in extra efforts to make your day or to earn brownie points from your side ,I'm doin this just coz therez somebody out there who wants to know my opinion (which by the way ,might waver and sound quite confusing especially since i'm in this inebriated post thomso depression phase !!!)
.So if you take my opinion (ohh dat dilly-dallying again) ,you better spend your time doing something productive ,coz as far as i know you may very well be appalled by my honesty ...but thats the way I am...I wont live my life as dictated by the norms ,and so my answers might sound a li'l cliched ...

Newaz,not to keep you hanging in here(and if u have come till here ,you must surely be interested !!)...here it goez

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.

I aint no harry potter ,so i dont have a sensational tale to tell of wizards and what not....
Umm...i have these 2 scars on my forehead(a la HARRY yes!!)... dont exactly remember what happened and it might sound really weird ,but as far as i remember i was cycling at the age of about 12 ,when i saw a parrot ,and i stopped in my tracks and started staring ...it suddenly started to fly and it went flyin over my head ,and in a bid to catch a close -up ,i twisted my neck a li'l more than 180 degrees ,and in the resulting torque ,I along with the cycle ,somehow lost balance ,the front wheel of the cycle was suddenly in the air ,and the next thing i know was that i was in the exact reverse position to where i had been earlier...the cycle was now on top of me (maybe it also wanted to catch the parrot!!) ,and my head was bleeding profusely....lol

2. What does your phone look like?

Well it looks really hot and sexy and ....
oh hell, what kinda question is this !!! Its a Nokia 3230 and ofcourse looks like any other 3230!!!
To elaborate more ,i'd say its the red version ,and its so old now that its lost all its sheen ...lol...

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?

Umm....posters and more posters....I'll give you a list:
- One poster with a red background ,two teddies and with the message -"LOVE -I cant put it together without you"
-Three posters of Thomso (one for every year)
-A small poster of Kareena Kapoor...nahh she aint my fav actress ...but i found this really hot poster in a filmfare magazine and so ripped it and put it up
-Academic calendar for the current year....(its important to know the holidays right!!!)
Well, thats about it ,apart frm the wall paint ofcourse!!

4. What is your current desktop picture?

Uhh...bad timing...a Riya Sen wallpaper (i aint no pervert ok...just keep changin em randomly!!)

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?

Who am i to beleive !!! Leave alone gay marriages ,i strongly am against the institution of marriage altogether , so this question automatically becomes redundant for me...

6. What do you want more than anything right now?

Well...a very good internship ,a seat in a 'good' IIM, and uh ,someone to take care of me ,coz i'm really spoiling myself ,and losing my mind to nonsense (and my liver to alcohol)...Damn i hate being alone when there are so many people around...

7. Are your parents still together?

HAHAHA!!!! Ye to bhagwaan ko bhi nahi pata!!!!

8. Last person who made you cry?

Many... and it alwaz has to be the one who i care about the most!!!

9. What is your favorite perfume/cologne?

Have no real favourite ...but i generally like (and use) BRUT or AXE ,and yeah my best possesion was an ADIDAS spray

10. What are you listening to?

Nothing at the moment ...but if this means my favourite music ,i'll definitely say it has to be something that has a meaning ,and something that doesnt hurt ur eardrum...No heavy metal rock for me puhleez

11. Do you get scared of the dark?

Used to when i was a li'l boy...but not anymore ...usually m so tired by the time it gets dark that when i close the lights ,therez nothing on my mind except a sound sleep!!!

12. Do you like pain killers?

Argghhhh....whats wid liking a medicine!!! Will have to use it when therez a need ,otherwise i dont think anybody "LIKES" meds!!!

13. Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Not if its some1 i dont know (have a lotta experience asking out girls at the fest ) ,but otherwise ,yes ,veryyy scared ....I might as well say I'll never do it :P

14. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?

A Brownie with ice cream (any!!!) or probably pasta/spaghetti in cheese sauce!!!mmmm.....

15. Who was the last person who made you mad?

A stupid IITian ( i mean a fellow batchmate)who interfered when we were trying to make a Bakra of a guy we caught during our fest... Spoiled everybody's mood...

16. Who was the last person who made you smile?

ummmm....
ummmm....
Yeah got it...it has to be DS,coz she got a really gr8 job !!!!

17. Is someone in love with you?

HAA!!!!! That so not possible.... whoz this frickin idiot who put this question here...

DILLI KE CHAMAKTE SITAARE!!!

2007-10-25T10:25:00.000+05:30

Brought to you in association with Red FM...lol....

Ok...so here we are ...was in delhi for the weekend ,for dussera to be specific ,and was completely hooked on to this new initiative by red FM to make delhi a NEW delhi,by bringing to the fore all that which hasnt been inconspicous but had been conveneiently taken for granted by the junta . I liked it because it brings an issue which ,if it stays the way it is ,will never let delhi acheive the world class city status it is vying for.

So i though why not present to you the very people who enrich delhi's society in a very different way ,and who've helped the people to stand up and take notice of even their daily routines .They are very normal people to come across ,and therez nothin wrong about their presence until they unleash their powerful weapons of mass destruction!!These personalities are famous PAGE 3 honkies in a world of their own,and so deserve specail applause!!
What i'm stating here is not essentially a repeat of what is already being broadcast ,but obviously my own version of it ,though you mite find some characters outta the original thing too. Ok,so here it goes :

Puri dilli pe hai inki chhap....inki vajeh se mehekti hai dilli ki har galli ,har sadak....par ye nahi koi sadakchhap....ye hain....SUSU UNCLE...

"Thank you thank you.... bhai finding a clean non-urinated corner in delhi isnt a child's play ...i work so hard everyday ,and when i set out from home i have just this one objective in mind !! Its only because of me that so many people employed in the civic agencies get a good pay and can earn their daily bread!! Its because of me that there are still some corners in delhi which have negligible population density!! And its because of me that people dont have to care about putting on a DEO while moving out ,coz my fragrance is all around .It is only obvious that I am the first choice for the honours ...it encourages me to work harder (!!!) and take out more litres everyday...who knows the delhi jal board might need me one day " :P

Ye jahaan jaate hain logo ki nazren inke saamne jhuk jhaati hai ....ye woh hain jinki wajeh se hua salmaan khaan ka har hairstyle kaamyab...ye hain ....CHHEDKHAANI /EVETEASER UNCLE....

"Thank you people... and i dont think i should be giving you any reasons as to why i am here ....Blimey! Isnt it because of me that no girl in delhi feels neglected...its only me who can scan them frm bottom to top ,and flatter them with my sweet whistle...Havent you wondered why the girls are always well-dressedd...ahh...make no mistake ,had i not encouraged them to do so ,they'd still be so bland!!! And what the heck,even the cops are by my side....yeah,they might catch a couple doting over each other at the neighbourhood park ...haha....but me,i'm always spared the honours ....With this award i promise to take voyerism in delhi to new heights...watch out for me people ,esp girls ,i'll alwaz be there for ya!!!!!!!Muahahah!!!"

Now this onez a pure nature lover ...ye jo kaam karti hain janhit mein karti hain ...stray dogs and cows ka special dhyaan rakhne waali....ye hain ..... KACHRA AUNTY...

" imagine kya hota agar main na hoti toh....ur garbage would've been spilling over and u'd be sleeping on a pile of banana peels.... its only me who avoids all the ruckus at your house and dumps all the kachra behind ur society wall...so that you can sleep in peace...ab kya farak padta hai if it gives out a smell ,atleast u wont have to buy room fresheners and artificial sources... be natural ,thats my funda....and who else would care about all those hungry dogs and cows !!! Kabhi socha hai unke baare mein...woh bhi to insaan (!!!) hain ...and imagine who'd come and ask for and share your burden of sweets that you recieve on diwali ....atleast because of me ,all the health conscious people can relax about not being forced to take in everythin.... From this year onwards ,i promise to dicharge my duties dilligently ...hope u'd love the new smells and aromas ,coz i plan to do some useful experimentation with the kuda!!!!!!!

Inke haaton mein hai jaan....dilli ki jaan....dilli ki sadko ke baadshah....yeh hain....BLUELINE DRIVER UNCLE...

"i have the capabilty to bring delhi's life to a standstill,and more than that ,i'm best at taking some1's life....terrorists,gangsters ,criminals,encounter specialists are oh so passe ,i am the new kid on the block...be it a li'l child goin to school ,or a hardworkin man returning home after earning the day's bread ,or just a poor chap hobnobbing on the road for no reason at all,i dont spare anybody ...and what's more...i dont even take money !!haha...i kill for free...so come all ye wretched souls gimme ur hands,legs and everythin else,and i'll squash you under my bus !!"

Ye hain dilli ki sundarta ka raaz.... dilli ko bahut hi jaldi red city banane ke liye hain ye nikle ....ye hain...PUKE UNCLE ..."are bhai ab tambaaku khaynge to thunkenge bhi na...and after all this is our art... hum bhi M.F.Hussain se kam nahi...and we dont even waste colours and dont even need a canvas....the whole city is our canvas ,and we have just one aim in mind -to puke more creatively and innovatively ... aap nai samjhoge...but the people who appreciate arts definitely will....agreed that an ordinary man may find it annoying ,but when accolades from all over d world start pouring in,he'd come back to me to congratulate me... and hey,we have full support frm the Tobacco companies n roadside paanwaalas... "

At the LIBRARY...

2007-10-03T23:37:00.001+05:30

STATUARY WARNING:This post has no resemblence to any person living /dead. Any such case,henceforth ,should be deemed as purely unintentional and coincidental. And oh,any1 who thinks he/she has been in the same spot at any point of time in their lives are invited to comment .Any living person who finds it objectionable beyond his/her temper is cursed to rot in hell!!!

Hey there looking at me
Temme what do u see
Behind the glasses that disguise
and that ridiculous smile and li'l eyes

But hell ,you quickly turn your head away
I try to fight with words
Dont have the courage to come up to you
My chances are looking a bit grey

Digging your head in that dusty book
Are you trying to evade my look??
But aint nobody tell you honey
life is just a tad more funny

Which year may I ask
or which course may I prod
What difference would it make
I'll make do with an approving nod

Ohh but how did i forget
Aint u that rarest of species at this place
with all that air on your face
and a nose thats always held up high??

Am i not supposed to stay away
from the queen of the world
err....rather the queen of your world
for thats what they say

But i come back to reality
and once again captivated by your beauty
Staring across the room
Are you leaving soon??
But hey ...I ...I just need a li'l time!!

Why did you have to leave so soon?
Why did you have to walk away?
Oh well it happened again
She walked away with her "boyfriend"
Maybe we'll meet again someday.

SINGING @ THE CHURCH!!

2007-09-26T01:11:00.000+05:30

Well....now this is somethin i'd really wanna write about after not having written a personal post since quite some time. And this one was really an experience thats made it worth writing here.

We had been planning it out since a long time ,but i guess sometimes we were too lethargic to execute the plan and sometimes it just didnt work out .Ohh,u must be wondering who else comes under "we" ...well since this post is about the song that I sung ,the other guy was the guitarist ,Daryll and quite obviously ,the plan was none other than singing the b'ful and soulful You Raise Me Up during the Sunday Service

Lets rewind a bit to the time when this scheme was originally conceived .It was way back in January when Daryll played this really cool song at the church and later while talkin to him ,i harmlessly suggested -"Hey dude,why dont u do You Raise Me Up someday?" ... "hey yeah i think its a beautiful song and i've heard it too..but i dont remember the lyrics ...can u sing it for me once!!"...I heartily obliged and he started strumming efficiently coz he did remember the tune...and so i was on my way to the 'crooning glory' .Now just as I ended giving a sample of the song ,the guy suddenly out of nowhere ,popped in with -"Why dont u sing it??I'll blend with you!!" . I know i'm pathetic bt he was so excited and seeing that naeveity in his eyes made me fall in to his request . And from that day onward every Sunday when we used to meet ,he'd say-"we'll do the song definitely next week ...I'll probably call u someday for practice" .But i guess this world's a busy place and none of us could find the time.

Time passed without any progress and here we are 6 months down the road and a lot had already changed,including our determination which suddenly became rock solid .Last week we took an oath that we'd surely do it next Sunday and i was supposed to come 15 mins before the service so that we could finally have a dry run!!

Lets get back to the present scenario now. I fathom u already have a bird's eye -view of the situation (not that wer'e birds and can see things frm that perspective...its just an idiom dammit!!!) ,and so u can imagine me ,on a Sunday evening quite relaxed and walkin up to the church to reach well before 15 mins. But ,nahh...i have got so habitual of last moment running that uptil 5.20 that day ,i was in a completely surreal world and that it was Sunday,leave alone the fixed meeting at the church had completely slipped out of my mind. But then dont know with what divine intervention ,everythin came back to me and I looked at my watch at horror only to find that i had less than 15 mins to bath ,get ready ,write down the lyrics,pray to god(oh thats a daily routine....but u might wonder why i wanna pray before reaching the church...see the point is I aint no christian ,and I have this small vestige of responsibility to the God that we Hindus call our own,to who i have prayed ever since i learned to walk ,and in whose name I define my religion ...now u might be think if I do beleive in my God ,then why church..,.well,the only answer I can produce is -I have faith in God,not religion ) and cover the distance between the church and the hostel!!! But then theres always this training one gets at an IIT of getting up late and still managing to make it to class that comes in handy when all other contingencies fail!!! And so,i rushed with whatever speed i could summon and voila ,i was ready exacty at 6.45 . I picked up my cycle and rushed ,and thankfully reached at 6.50!!!

After practising a bit and when a considerable crowd had arrived ,the service began as usual with the prayers and I sat down on a second row bench. Surprisingly all the songs chosen that day were particularly lively and somehow that half an hour singing session that day was extraordinarily fun. Now this is where I come in. As i was invited on to the mike and just as i turned to face everyone, I was quite taken aback, more so coz i'm not used to seeing such a large gathering usually and to a lesser extent ,also wondering how fate had played its part and delayed my song only to be sung on this day with so many new faces and such a large no. of people.

My first reaction was-tightening of fists.Dunno why but i suudenly felt nervous. What if I let down all these new faces and what if I sang so unbearably that they'd never come to the church again!!! What if the mike failed in between ,what if the world came to an end!!!?? lol
Finally ,i tightened my sinews and said-"This is my first time here . My voice might not be bearable but i just wanna tell u -whatever i sing will be from the heart .And i hope i dont end up breaking any window panes today!!" With this I started my song ,and everythin thereafter went quite well

I was flattered with all the adulation that i received in the end -and some from the new faces too .I dont care if it was just to keep my heart .Maybe ,they enjoyed it and so would wanna come back again next week .As of now ,all i know is it felt really good to finally sing after so many years and after having selected and then shunned by the music section .And i definitely rose from obscurity to a known face even among the regulars. Hope they see a lot more of me on the mike now . And who knows i might up doing a Tu Ashiqi hai a la Jhankar Beats!!!!! :D

PS:If ure curious enough ,i'm putting that song here...do listen to it...its really gud..
PS2: Comments are always welcome...the more the better ;) :D

When September Ends...

2007-09-16T19:22:00.000+05:30

Wrote this one fighting with myself...so it shouldnt be surprising why i'm so confused...

Its been a long tym
since i've given a moment for myself
This is my life
and these are my dreams
and i'm living 'em up
But there's still this thought
which rings at the back of my mind

This is my life
It is not what it was before
These are my dreams
that i've never lived before
somebody break me,shake me
coz i must be sleeping

The pace at which my life's running
is tearing me apart
pulling at every end and every corner
fate is playing its part
I think I dont need nobody
to talk to ,to talk with,to laugh with
coz thats the way it is
Without anybody to care about,
everythin becomes so easy
Its me,my life and my dreams

They say u've changed
I can only ask-"Didnt u change me?"
They say ur'e rude
I can only ask-"Did it pay to be otherwise?"
They used to ask who are you
and I used to say-"whoever you want me to be"
They still ask Who are you
and I say-"it doesnt really matter"
coz i'm not ashamed to be the person i am today

Its bin a strange life i know
All those mistakes it contained
I always wished i could let go
But now as i sleep over them
They finally start to go away
And i know still, that i can face the day

These are my words
that i've never said before
I think I'm doing ok
And this is the smile
that i've never shown before
somebody,brake me,shake me
coz i must be sleeping

Yesterday, a boy afraid
locked deep inside,my place to hide
lost in himself,cryin for help it's safe to stay
i learned to live without a pride
and now all it is-
just a shell with me stuck on the inside
a prison,not a place to hide
So i want to wake up
want to wake up when september ends

i'm so afraid of waking
please don't shake me
afraid of breaking
please don't shake me
But i'd rather not chose to be this way
Summer has come and passed
now i wanna see it through your eyes
i wanna see the wind change

These are my words
that i've never said before
I think I'm doing ok
And this is the smile
that i've never shown before
somebody wake me up
wake me up when september ends

TWENTY 20

2007-09-16T15:33:00.000+05:30

Hey m back,and after a long hiatus frm blogging( well, the reasons are very diverse this tym and surprisingly have to do evrythin wid academics!!).. and me too ,like many others ,have got completely besotted with the new Cricket format -The twenty 20...and why not ,its the World Cup after all,and India has just beaten Pakistan in an edge-of-the-seat game played a couple of days ago!!!

I'm not really writing this to elaborate on what exactly the new format is about ,rather to share with you some interesting observations that i made as we watched the match ,and secondly,ofcourse, since i couldnt think of nething else to write (and ,hey dont cast aspersions on the monotony of my life, coz i'm enjoying every bit of it these days ,and its left me so exaggerated that therez no time to luk bak and wistfully wonder about the meandering course of my life )!!

So here we are in the TV room at my hostel ,and its jam-packed with almost every1 giving their attendane for the Indo-PAk match (as usual)... lemme make u abreast with the state of things as the match progressed :

1.The Pakistani players were given the best treatment by our proud IITians...after all theyre our neighbours and deserve due respect ..and oh,i forgot to tell you what due respect means in this context ... urrr....actually ,do i need to mention....stating the fact that its the TV room of an iit should suffice i suppose :P

2.The slogans of chak De India reverberated in the TV room,what with the success of the movie and its approbation by every one whoz watched it here!! It kinda instilled in me that once-in-a-blue-moon patriotic kinda feeling ...though its still sad that the shouts got somewhere lost among the love bestowed by the ppl on the Pakistani cricketers...lol!!

3. Whenever a four or a six was hot by the Indian team or whenever a pakistani wicket fell,there was a huge uproar ,whistles ,shouting ,cheering,and drooling!!!!!
Now u may ask ,whats so unique about this whole cheering and jeering stuff ..doesnt it happens whenevr India plays ...i mean obviuosly one is spposed to cheer when a certain Tendular or Dravid hits a six....but hey, then i'd say u missed out on that world which was innocuosly hidden among the many verbs that i used -"drooling"...
I suppose the gentleman/gentlelady or even any1 whoz a cross between the two is readin this post ,he/she or watevr is already of aware of the "cheerleaders" that adorn the ground during every match!!! And hey,the cameramen alwaz show a cute close up whenever sumthin "worth-cheering" happens...and lo!100 IITians and a bunch of sexy girls doin their jig in front of em...do i need to say nethin else as to why the decibel levels sore!!! (hope ure not wondering still!!)....and oh,forgot to mention...the girlz are pretty hot!!! ;)

4.A twenty over match ensured that every dot ball was precious ,and so,quite obviously ,the People couldnt feel less exasperated after the match after having cheered for that zillionth dot ball!!!

5.Well,in a normal ODI, in a scenario where one team chasing a measly target and still reeling under pressure comes back into the game with a certain determined player goin all out to hit the ball to almost every corner of the stadium ,and lands up requring 1 run of 2 balls ...its quite normal to expect the disheartned supporters to lose nerve and abandon their positions ,and thatz exactly hat happened...but hey ,this was no normal ODI ,and not only did India manage to tie the match ,and bring the audience bak to their TV screens, but also made the most outta the newly introduced Bowl-out!!! Though it was so hard to beleive that the burly Pakistanis couldnt evn hit the stumps once!! What a shame....muahaha!!

Now at the end of it,u might be wondering what exactly was i my dispositon in this hullabuloo...i'd say that i had the bad luck of being with arjun chaudhay at that time(weight>100 kg)...and as the match became more exciting ,his weight seemed to be increasing every minute,and i could harldy watch the proceedings overpowered under the tremendous pressure of his hefty body jumping all over and me squeezed against it!!! Gosh!! :D

Ahh....Sheer bliss!!!

2007-08-22T11:17:00.000+05:30

Hey people,m bak after a long sabbatical,and not here to write somethin to make u think or wonder ,rather show u somethin that would catch u in a timewarp and u mite as well end up wistfully wondering about how somethings in this world are just so beautiful ,and why exactly they keep on elluding us.

Since the inception of the autumn sem 07 ,every student at IITR ,has been caught by an innocuous bug of MP3 ,and by that i mean the "flop" movie-mera pehla pehla pyaar ,and i,am no exception to the case in point. And,therefore ,i thought why not put up this beautiful climax from the movie and get my reader's senses tingling like never b4 .

Everythin about this movie ,and this scene in particular is just so perfect ...the song,the locales,the kids...simply wonderful ...every1 who's seen it has this one thing to say -for the 3 hours that i sat watchin this movie ,it transported me into a completely surreal world,and yet a world which we all have experienced at some point in our lives ...its our own story,its every1's story...

I'm not publicising or writing any movie review ,i'm just using it to convey those strong emotions which everybody felt while watchin this movie...So go ahead enjoy the kiss alongside eiffel...and mind u ,the music rox!!!

PS:It'll take about 5 mins to load on a high speed connection...bt its worth the wait
PS2: Dont forget to turn on ur speakers!!!

SEVEN SPOOFS OF THE WORLD!!!

2007-08-01T01:04:00.000+05:30

Note:This post has been in the stash since quite a w'hile now...so it might seem a li'l redundent at this point of time!!!

Now that we all have cast our votes and made the TAJ an undisputed wonder of the world ,and along with that inconspicously given birth to a new millionare-the guy who was behind the non-profit association( which somehow landed up earning millions ,takin 10 paise each out of ur n mine pockets ) ,and now that the media has finally realized that it has blighted the national economy by its no-frills attached ,unanimous support to the seven wonders consortium (or whatever its called ),and now also that the TOI has so vividly and comprehensively taken up the mission of selecting 7 wonders frm amongst the indian marvels of construction -hoping to donate some money to the already moribund moblie companies in the indian market (well,thats what i beleive ,coz every1 these days seems to possess a mobile connection!!) ----- I thought why not bring out my own list on the -make no mistake -SEVEN SPOOFS OF THE WORLD

Yeah ,here i present to you those endearments of life which have become so bijou that they have created a mirage in front of us that we cant seem to get out of our lowly brains .You may not necessarily agree with me in this regard ,and in any case ,I dont intend to earn any approbation for this post ,but pardon me ,though earthy being ,and bear me at ur own will !!

1) Technology :
yeah yeah ,now u'll wonder why ,inspite of being a proud student of the indian institute of "technology",and the proud owner of most advanced tech bijoutery such as the latest laptop and mobile phone and what not ,i still consider this boon to be the biggest bane ever befallen on mankind. In my opinion, inspite of all the beguling appearances of the gizmos and the sophistry that comes along with it , not to forget how they've managed to connect people and simplify our lives @ the click of a button - has somehow trapped us into an inescapable ravine ,and cast a spell on we muggles,which has left us in a daze ,and we've forgotten how to do the most basic chores in the most elemental way -we instead scamper for that instrument or gadget which we can so conveniently use ,and which ,with time has enslaved us . Take for example -the mobile phones .Yes i do agree that its now easier to store numbers ,easier to talk to somebody without having to go through somebody else first ,and know where exactly a person is at the given moment .But just imagine this situation - ur'e waiting for ur girl ,and she doesnt show up till 2 mins after the time that she had promised -what will you do ??Just call her and order her to amble along at the earliest or face the consequences?? But ,then dont u think it would've been so much better if u had instead waited for an hour and she'd have pleaded with you for forgiveness...i mean how often do we find that happening -a girl running after a guy for a folly she most often would commit!!!
And now with electricity going wireless and provosions to switch off the entire house's power supply at the click of a button ,wer'e sure to land up in wheelchairs ,not requiring to twitch even a muscle and let ourselves be handicapped and taken over by a new civilization -the mechizmos... Until then sit back n relax ...n enjoy

2) Nuclear weapons and WMDs: I guess i can afford to win a hands down supprt for this point ..there's no point repeating all the hazards of something that has the potential to wipe out humanity ,and any lifeform still surviving ,and the fact that its sumthing designed by the hands of our own people is the biggest irony .
Guess what ,1940s -the world wars at their peak ,people working out a strategy to save the world from the german onslaught and researching over new weapons to safeguard their interests .They brainstorm ,and what do they come up with as a plausible solution?? A nuclear warhead to wipe out a whole japanese city and give birth to more advanced forms of destruction... Nay..dont u think had u and i been thinkin abt a soluton at that time ,we would have definitely reached a concensus -ceasefire and do away with arms and adopt pigeons instead ...But our leaders were kinda great and swimming in complacency and pride ,and conveniently paved the way for the frightful ,and a world where agoraphobia and claustrophobia dont carry much of a difference , a world where we live with so much terror on the street as we do in our own homes!!!

3) Drinks,fags and drugs : What a pity -as i see more n more of my friends go down the unchatered paths and ruin themselves with each drag of a marlboro ,with nobody around to stop them from doing it ...its a world where we constantly try to find the way to reduce the smoke coming out of our car exhausts and chimneys in the industries ,and a world where where global warming has overcome any other form of concern ...and yet seeing someone smoking "in" or smoking "up",keeps us non-plussed with so much as a fickle smile ...
Yes ,with the changing world scenarios and the absolution of nuclear families ,and a more competetive world ,its normal for anybody to feel the pressure ,to feel the heat ,and then in the most convenient way -he gets an option to run from it all by giving up the feeling of being alive .yes ,that feeling of trance gives a momentary satisfaction and an uncanny feeling of being above all the worries and tensions and 'i-give-a-damn' demeanour to the person in question ,but theres more to it than meets the eye -and even as these stimulants act up rapidly and make us lose our senses ,make us see things which we want to see ,keeping away those that we dont -they simultaneously tear away the biological functions ,play games with the body's faculties and prepares it for the ultimate disaster -addiction.
No wonder these days ,everybody seems to land up at a rehab!!

4) K-soaps: I hope i can drive home this particular point without even having to go into the works ...

This is how it goes...u pick up a bunch of desperate tribe of teeny and tweeny bloopers ,who have lived unto this day for a career in acting ,and those who boast of mediocre looks and loads of attitude ,besides being non-allergic to the use of inconsiderate amounts of glycerine ...u give them a complete wardrobe overhaul ...the girls with traditional indian clothing of all shapes and sizes ,and jewellery that would make one wonder if they stole a jewellery store sometime...the guys with any kind of un-Indian urbane clothing...u rent out a big bungalow in a posh area of mumbai...u draw a master plan comprehesively covering every possible relationship that can supposedly exist between 2 people in the world ,and put them all under one roof,along with a women -oriented story and a rich-family-varied-troubles tango...and its a deal..the K soap is ready to roll...with a fascinating name and an equally fascinating jingle, every other timE!!!
isnt the world already so sick of tensions and misunderstandings brewing in their personal relationships that they seem to find ways out of it at every possible instance...why ,then,are these soaps awarded with a fan -following which could envy any big budget commercial venture!!!

All the melodrama and the unnecessary situations are almost cliched now for every soap ...yet,whenever a new one is around the corner ,it is much awaited by the junta ,especially living in the non-metro areas of the country ,and even when they know its the same saas-bahu-damaad-my-foot saga everytime they still stick to their TV screens with surprising candour!!! Hats off i say to whatever makes these soaps tick with the masses so feverishly...

5)Politics and politicians: Yea yea were talkin abt the same ol khadi clad politicos of the country ..who have been largely evergreen in their demeanour and practices ,and have been least affected by the changing values and traditions of the society...its so very surprising that those who had been chosen by the people and for the people have become so self obsessed that people are the last thing that theyd ever care about... in their hunger for power and wealth ,they've crossed all ethical and moral boundaries and no amt of whipping can get them back on line....i wonder how ,even after being fraught wuth so many discrepancies in their academic and cultural background ,they manage to nab the most lucrative postions in the administration of a country ,which is the second largest growing economy in the world!!!
Theyr'e simply one of a kind,and need special mention...god only knows how this country is making giant leaps even with such intrepid men at the helm...

6) Football:
Now u might blame my inexpicable mention of a harmless game to my being a truant cricket fan and appreciatee,but there are certainly some defects in football which appal me ,and the fact the people playin and watchin it can overlook em fr the sheer nothingness that the game has to offer surely reserves its place in the spoofs list!!!Here are some of em:

It is played on that great tract of uncultivated land-so square and even in shape that it could have been instead congested with happy and prosperous agricultarists..My concern fr the harmful effects it has on the agrarian economy can well be illustrated by this example-Every footballer destroys twenty turnips a day... I say ,cant this talent of being able to kick a football with elan be put to better practices viz. kickin a law-breaker's butt!!!
It is such a sport where the match often ends in a pallid score of 0-0 or say love all !!!I mean ,what a waste of male fatuity...what else,can better ilustrate the contradictions and futilities of this man made sport?? two parties of 11 men each,fightin over a single ball ,and not scoring any point even afer hours of head cracking and foot tapping!!!Pheww...
the fact that even after decades of playin this game ,no positive evolution has taken place so far ...had it been the bastion of sensible men,they would have conceived by now to carry to the field a bomb,a horse-whip or even a hat-pin!!! Atleast that would have ensured a result
Theres this autocratic official called referee who keeps on showing cards of different colours and still fails to have the players from removing their shirts and maintaing the game's decorum.We see this man blowing a whistle and refusing to allow one burly player a goal which he had scored. And what did the player ,the craven ,do?? Did he ,like a man of spirit ,hunger strike?? nay,he took it lying down!!! What a pity!!

7)Love: Now im not explaining this one....i leave it to your imagination to cast it in whatever light u want to...and even if u cant find a reason to put in the spoofs list...i suggest u just take it as my dogma or whatever without too much questioning...its my list and so its me who decides what goes in and what stays out....and fr that matter something as uncertain and short-lived as love surely is the biggest spoof i've ever known!!

SANDS OF TIME...

2007-07-27T20:31:00.000+05:30

a time
slipping out of hands
an age
whisking away
moments of happiness
trapped in sands
and dreams
still rolling in hay
for the broken dreams
i sing this lullaby today
breathless and torn inside
this gloomy day

i could feel myself growing older
i could possibly be failing
if i had something else to gain
it was you
who made me feel the rain
breathless and torn now
i could feel myself turning into dust...
two strangers turning into dust...

greived and compucted
my contrite conscience
keeps banging inside
in defiance
i could feel the touch turning into dust..
two strangers turning into dust

balmy evenings
starry nights
still hold me stupified
heavens pity my plight
i could feel myself under your faith
but now i'm fading
fading into dust
i could feel my eyes turning into dust..
two strangers turning into dust

still falling
breathless and torn again
to watch it all
go up in flames
still falling
walking this road again
taking each day as it arrives
midnight diamonds stud my heaven
the warm winds that embrace me
just as surely kissed your face
i could feel that face turning into dust..
two strangers who turned into dust...

TRAINing TRAVAILS!!!

2007-07-12T23:01:00.000+05:30

Statuary warning:This may seem like an arduously long post to read...srry abt that...u may skip it if u arent that intersted in getting an insight into the corporate world!!

Now that the summer vacations are poised at the tip of the knife,i thought i'd mull over on how i'v spent all these 2 months ,and the most significant thing i seemed to have done was the fully-faltoo training ...a gruelling 9 to 6 shift with not less than 5 hrs of chatting everyday!!!(pheww!!)...i wish i'd worked on something tangible ,but sadly inspite of sincerely pleading the guys to gimme sumthin ,i was constantly sidelined.... pretty lame experience i'd say ...though i still managed to learn first hand what goes on in the famed software companies here in India ,the work culture ,and a peek-a -boo into what exactly goes on in the senior manager's office(read on to know more)...

The very first day that i stepped into that company after having found a chartered bus which would ferry me to work everyday ,and flirtin a bit with the 4 girls goin to their college who accompanied me on that day-sadly the last working day of their college b4 goin off for summer vacations -i was handed a big HR MANUAL stating the rules and regulation that i was supposed to flout ,the work ethics which were never meant to be followed by an IITian , the rules concerning leaves and probation -which had nthin to do with the nature of my work(given the fact that i had already made up my mind to attend just 3 days of office in a week!!) , and the history of the company whose resources i was abt to slander for the coming one month !!!

It was followed by an HR personnel givin me a short lecture on how the company came into being and the aims and aspirations the company desires to acheive -an asinine repetition of the HR manual - and was followed by apocryphal praise for the IIT system and IITians in particular (oh! heck, i was feeling like a goat who was about to be slaughtered!!)...All this in a period of 3 hours and i'd not hesitate to admit that i was feeling a little giddy by now!!!
i was shorlty taken to the floor where the software developers sat in front of their computer screens doin some crazy stuff i couldnt understand -though i later came to know that it was called .NET!!!

The first day passed without nthin substantial -i was made to sit at a corner and told precariously that this is what every1 does on the first day at work !!! Obviously i did nthin much apart frm observing .The days which followed were too agonozing -and most people even know about my agony-as i was handed a 64 MB RAM comp with windows XP loaded ,and with the capability of bringing the most advanced supercomputer in the world to shame with its antics .I noted the exact time it took to boot-20 mins ,time taken to create a new folder -15 mins,time taken to open internet explorer - 30 mins (that is ,if one was lucky enough to get the IE window before the comp restarted!! )..

The first week passed very swiftly ,what with most of the time being spent on booting and opening a bloody IE window!!They gave me a newer comp later on,but that first week itslef was enough for me to observe a lotta things...

this is what the hierarchy looks like in a software company,or rather i'll personalize it with my own experiece(starting from the top) -

1.The CEO :Is supposed to be that highly qualified guy holding zillions of degrees from all over the world ,and is supposed to meet clients,handle the paper work and everything that involves none of the degrees' expertise that he's gained all these years ...only the work teaches you here in the tricks of the trade..

The CEO of this company was a tall guy with a slightly bulging belly ,but surprisingly young-in his early 30s- and charismatic and had a typical british accent which he had procured after spending his childhood in London. It was a treat to watch him pass orders at his subordinates, all of them more than double his age !! It seems this guy spends half his time in the UK division and half in the indian one.. My encounter with him occured at a very late stage of my training ,and the very first thing he said was-" Oh! great ,people from IIT are finally stepping into our company ..he's our wonder boy,put him into my personal software division -its more fun there!! "..and everyday after that he'd cheerfully ask me -"Hey wonder boy -hows it goin huh!!! " ,and since i wasnt doin any work virtually all i could give was a decent smile and a thought insise my head -"Dude,i'll wear a blue undie over my pants tomorrow -with 'W' printed on it ...then u call me wonder boy!!!"

2. The Senior Manager : He was guy from IIT (the only one in that company frm the 'prestigious' insti )-a man in his late 40s -and since i had the privilege of spending a considerable amount of time in his cabin on two occasions -i know that his work was limited to forwarding emails (the ones with silly jokes and idiotic photos) to the employees , drinking coffe more than 5 times a day ,passing orders to the HR manager ,listenining to the orders from the CEO ,making phone calls ,and stuff like that which i guess deserves no more than a few thousnd rupees a month .heck ! what a waste of a degree from IIT!! The last time when i met him he promised to put me in a good project-and for the next half an hour he kept on browsing all the floors of the building ...I ambled along ,albeit with no success!!

3. The CTO: The chief technical officer ,my foot- He should be called the chief Tymepass officer!!! Thats coz most of the times i saw him in his cabin -he was playin solitaire ,wasting his 70,000 ka laptop!! Doesnt he know that there are better games in the market than solitaire!!! ;) ,and then with a routine which includes drinkin milk 2 times a day ,he sure seemed like a lunatic stuck in the wrong place .
On a more serious note ,his only duty was of an advisory nature -to get the innovators out of the most serious loopholes ever encountered in programming history and to tell them what to do,to start with!!

The first time i talked to him , he was like -" what have u learned at IIT??" ,with me half conteplating to say -"nothing at all". the second tym i talked to him was when he gave me something to do,for a change ,but to my utter displeasure -he told me to make a prog to read the file and directory structure faster than windows (phew -with those big geeks at his disposal ,when bill gates and steve balmer couldnt do it,howd some1 lyk me do it ??) ,and obviosuly it did little to assuage my woes!!

The last tym i talked to him ,he was fuming with anger...bt i wasnt complaining,i had a nice tym orkutting and chatting!!

4. The HR manager : A weird lady ,but newayz amiable and with talked with a friendly disposition ,i guess had all the qualities which are prerequisites for being an HR manager ...though wasnt very smart and good-looking !!
Didnt have much of an acquaintanceship with her ..though she acted as my complaint box ,one which had no outlet and so my complaints lay almost in a state of decay until they were looked after!!

5. The project manager /Lead Innovator: was a tall,bloated guy and looked cockeyed most of the times!! Was very busy ,and most of the times on the run -he was supposed to be the guiding light fr all the innovators ,and had to virtually spoon feed them for every small things

6. The innovators /Trainees : Was a bunch of unusal people ,though very friendly .Most of them ,or rather all of them held a postgraduate degree in MCA or M.Sc. and none of them had graduated with a B.Tech-that made me the only B.Tech guy ..the team consisted mostly of guys ,and there were about 6-7 girls too-although they were fulltoo brickheads!! Apart from the ardous task of programming all day long ,even the innovators didnt hold back frm chatting once in a while with their GTalk windows minimized ,and even among themselves they chatted throughout the office hours!! Every1 of them had orkut accounts ,and although it was blocked ,i had found a proxy and so,the orkut bug had surfaced what with me on the prowl!! All of them seemed rather dissatisfied with ther pay figures and half of them were giving interviews to other prospective employers already .the most senior employee in the company was employed for just over 6 months,and that is proof enough of the growing discontempt among the software company employees ... Though the sight when a new female employee was inducted into the team was remniscent of the IITs -people tryin to catch a glimpse of that mew girl ,and envying the one who gets to be the first to ask her for a coffee,or the one who sits near her table!!!

I enjoyed thoroughly with them ,all being very supportive and helpful ,quite unlike the people at IIT ,and those gossips at the luch table still gets me in splits when I think of em !! The girls were cool too -though i still wonder how in the world they had never heard of IITs .Then there were those guys whi had taken it to be their birth right to tease the female employees ,and i became one of em!!

7.The caretakers: Life without them in a corporate is simply unimaginable ...From simple chores like cleaning cups and saucers to mundane issues lyk providing 'bournvita' to the CTO two times a day ,and even important issues lyk upkeep of hygiene at the workplace nd bringing in lunch ordered by the employees -the caretakers form an inseperable part of the office workforce...
This particular guy at the SMX global office fr was assidous and perky one with antics which made me cast serious aspersions on his sexuality...and if u've ever seen Karan johar laughing u'll know what i'm hinting here ...Though in ne case he was afffable ,and easy to talk to,and most importantly did what he was supposed to-care !!

Out and out ,I'd say twas a very good experience ,although accompanied by a lotta boredom ,and non-productivity!! But i dare say i'd rather not wanna get stuck in such a workplace in a position lower than the CEO!!! hehe...i guess its askin too much and however paranoid it mite sound ,but now that i've been there ,done that i'd make sure I dont land up at such a place ever-and no offecnce meant,by such a place i mean one where the employees dnt know what they are doin before they consult a zillion web pages via google,and ones which hate the company and still have no other alternative in hindsight!!!

A Criminals Guide To Courtesy

2007-07-06T22:33:00.000+05:30

The readers of this blog and my dear friends will be glad to know that - given the recent spate of car blast attempts and other terrorist activities going on around the world in celebration of the "umpteenth year of the jehad revolution" and even as the Al Qaida struggles to formulate its own 123 agreement with the US to acquire the latest nuclear technology for a "rapid and succesful attempt at wipe out of human civilization"- i just wrote a complete book titled "Every Criminal's Guide to Courtesy",with the subtitle -"Tips for Terrorists and Deportment for Desperados" .The book will be made of specimen conversations to suit every situation. The criminal who buys ,or intends to buy,a volume of it ,never needs to fear the awkward pauses which so frequently occur when one is caught in the act of burglary or murder,or homicide,or even when one is one the verge of dying after a succesful attempt at suicide bombing the nearby grocery shop!!

I append a sample.We will suppose for an instance,that the terrorist wants to abstract a nuclear warhead from under president Bush's nose while he's sleeping comfortably in his appt at the White House and after a much life-threatening and excruciatingly tough ,yet succesflu attempt at evading the security with their sniffer monkeys in tow,he has entered the presidents bedroom and the following conversation takes place..

Terrorist(coughs)

Bush(startled ,or seems to be):Aye ,i say whats the matter ??? (starts snoring again!!)

[Terrorist(coughs again).Bush sits up]

Terrorist:(insiniuatingly):A thousand apologies ,my dear sir,to break in on that sleep,which as they rightly say gives u the energy to a lead a country full of buffoons like ye.But ,business is business ,and in these days of hustle and jehadi competition ,it behoves a man to be first in the race. Thus ,knowing the fact that allah-hu-akhtar-rahim-ul-rehman-e-rahim(a proffesional rival of mine) has his eyes set on ur nuclear warhead, I hastened to call on you before he could do so

Bush:Help!! Condoleeza help!!! Terror attack!! Save thy souls!! Bah!bah! Black sheep...

Terrorist:Please sir,may i request your honouerable tongue to save its honour and ,my rancour,and get back to sitting patiently in that mouth of yours,sir. I hate to talk shop,but i follow it my duty to tell u that my revolver is loaded.Shall we allow it to remain so??Precisely.To proceed then ,the fame of your nuclear warhead,my dear sir, has rung through the Islamic world. Every terrorist in the proffesion is after it.And when i tell you that i have had to bring myself up here through the bedroom window of a perfect stranger,sleepin in polka dots undies even when he possesses Tuxedos worth millions and pyjamas worth a collectors' dream, I need scarcely add further evidence of my eagerness to possess the treasure I have mentioned. You can spare a little of it. A remote control?? A cross-section of it perhaps??

Come this is niggardly my dear sir. To you it is luxury.But to me,it is a bare necessity. I'll tell you why.

I have my living to earn . How would you suppose I can keep my wife in the style to which she has been accustomed-wearing silken burkas made outta the hides of the rich n famous people of the white man's lands and dyed in black,and not just that ,wearing lingerie that would envy even the most dare -to-bare -with-arms-wide-open-actresses of hollywood- if every1 was as unreasonable as you?? How do you suppose I can let my son study in the most splendid terrorist school in the mountains,studded with fleash-eating fundamentalists as their proffesors,and ,who other than Osama as its principal....

Bush(interrupting and fairly startled): What ,OSAMA!!! What the....

Terrorist:Oh,come sir,now dont let me bring out my heavy rocket launcher -i'll not be able to bear its weight for long so it wont take too long for me to fire a flaming shot.So ,where were we..Ah!! yes,and how do you suppose i can buy the best AK-47s for my elder son outta the state artilery.
Now some people keep their nuclear warheads under the ----No??In the chest of drawers?? Inside your bum which seems to me a bit swelling right now?? Constipation,eh??

Bush(farting):Oops!!

Terrorist:(with an expression of disgust):Ahh!!U mannerless farting punk..How did you come to be the president,I could've been a better candidate! I can outdo you in farting any day!!
Now,my very dear sir,joking apart,where is it?? Did i mention the revolver was loaded?
Thank you,Thank you. Under that weird thing you call your bead.Ah!A thousand thanks to you sir. May i trouble you to give an autograph of yours on it,sir! My wife will be deighted to have it.Ah!! There..A million thanks,sir. Goodnite,a very goodnite to you
[exits through the window]

This is but one specimen. I shall spare no efforts in makin the rest of the book of equal merit .If after next publishing season,there remains one Terrorist/criminal who isnt a perfect gentleman,then it will be because he is too impecinous or too stingy to spend 1 dollars and 60 cents on the work authored by yours,AUPSY aka Ayushman Jain

Go!! GOA

2007-07-06T18:30:00.002+05:30

Here i am once again after a long tym...n my absence would be obvious to those who know that i was outta town...and pampering myself in the picturusque surroundings of goa,had no intensions whatsoever to take to the internet even though i had the facility to do so at my disposition... Not that i'm addicted to the net and i needed a rehab ....just for a change i thought i can delve into the real world which seemed more like heaven for the 10 days that i was in goa...
And since i've nothin else to write about ,i thought why nt throw some light on the only place i'd rather wanna go to in india-and that's goa!!(I'm not the new agent of goa tourism...so i'm nt promotin that place...i dnt even give a shit if u start hating that place after reading my awful travel guide...i'm just wasting tym-urz and mine too!!!! U can take that as a statuary warning before goin ahead!!)

The sea and the sand

Now this is the most obvious and enticing part of any tourist's iternarary(hope i got the spelling right!!) at a place like goa... and somethin that gives us that fresh air frm the sea before it is breathed and thrown out by the 1 billion ppl in India,and then polluted by more than half the no. of vehicles with more gases than u ever smelled in ur chemistry lab,and then recycled into a poisonous mass by our industries!! Ahh...the feeling with that cool sea breeze slapping at my face incessantly is simply out of the world and can anyday releive all the fatigue,and stress that life has burdened me with...

And its not just the wind which makes me feel cockeyed, its also the sensation when u walk on sand with ur bare feet ,and let the sea wash away that very sand as it comes and goes...that sinking feeling is so darn undescribable...
To top it all,there are alwaz those hot firang babes around and there's no harm(sayin it with the risk of sounding cliched) in steelin a glimpse or two of their svelte bodies glistening under the sun!!

Did lotta observing this tym ....children playin in the sand,as usual, ppl lettin themselves loose and goin beyond the red danger flags just to let themselves be enveloped by the high tides, the sunset ,the vastness of the sea which stretches on to infinity ,and beyond...the birds enjoyin the breeze and floating the same point for a few mins before lettin the wind take em back,and then repeating it until my eyes got tired!!!
Well , i had my moments of fantasy too ,and hoped that suddenly the black pearl would rise out from the depths of the sea and Capt. Jack Sparrow would greet us wid his-'Alas!U will always remember this as the day when u almost caught Capt. Sparrow!!!"

Though once gain ,like alwayz....i wished that the next tym when i sit next to the sea -i have somebody by my side apart frm the loneliness and the sea gulls...

The rainfall

With the onset of monsoons,the rains lashed incessantly against the windows of the hotel room day and night...it was no less than a spectacle fr us delhiites and we revelled in it heartily...to see those palm trees swaying to and fro with wet greenery all around and that too ,through the window glass well-dressed with water droplets was no less than straight outta a dream,and why wouldnt it be...given the fact that we dont usually get to see such a thing ...
The rain always has the potential to bring old memories ringing back , and that makes it all the more enjoying....i kept on listening to that sweet music of the raindrops striking against the wet ground with the expression of pure rapture on my face ,and hoped i would freeze with time,coz this is what i call-nirvana...

The palm trees

Hmmm....palm trees are to goa what pines are to the mountains,and to see them with their natural splendour in a perfect setting with hills in the background and the sea nearby is endemic to goa!! How the trees fan out their big leaves to catch the strong breeze is another marvel to be appreciated, sumthin which makes em luk akin to a wind mill!!!
Though theres a downsidie to it..u cant afford to stand beneath one -not just coz it wont give u much shade,but also becoz of the fact that they are heavily loaded with their cannons-the coconuts and a stubborn one might reward u with one straight on ur head!!!

The roads and the drive

One surprising fact that one seems to encouter in goa is that inspite of the heavy rains and the tourist rush,the roads seem as new as if built of an everlasting material.. no pits ,no water-logging...after what we see happening in mumbai -without even half the rainfall that goa receives-its actually quite amazing!! And what with the hills surrounding you and the sea running parallel ,driving in goa is absolutely fantabulous...whats more ,i drove about 60 kms(and that too mostly above 70 kms/hr) everyday without encountering a single traffic signal or a scratch on my car!!!Kewl i'd say...

The mini-cruise

Obviosly, this doesnt come within even an inch of the splendour and ecstacy that a full-fledged cruise offers...nonetheless,the 1 hour ride aboard this state govt run evening cruise is full of unadulterated and adulterated fun!!
Traditional dances ,drinks, the view of the capital city on one end of the river mandovi and the hills on the other end and to top it all ,a dj in the end....its worth a try!!(hey i'm not promoting goa,k!!)

Inox

Mostly unheard of in the north,this is the biggest multiplex in goa n mumbai...with tickets starting frm 150 bucks ,one can easily imagine what to expect...The lobby and waiting area is enormous and really cool with its awsome speaker system blaring out the latest hits,and its complete with a baskin robbins store and a lounge too!!!
And before the muvi starts is the real surprise- u are requested to stand as the tune of the national anthem starts playin and even before u take a second to be dashed amazed and luk at each other's faces,u find urself singin it wid full nationalistic fervour and pride!!
Though the multiplex is cool...but if ur'e watchin a drab movie like Jhoom... ur'e bound to come out complaining ,and so did I ,to my despair...but i soon gt sobered down by the rain which graciously welcomed me as i stepped outta the complex!!!

Well,there's a lot more to goa than just the aforementioned ,but i'd not like to go into all that ,coz obviously u cant expect me to describe the temples,churches and the places with breathtaking views here...i'll leave that for u...hehe

Did spend a lotta tym in the swimming pool doin ...obviosuly swimming....and being able to while away tym in a pool and not on the net was a big releif !!! Did miss out the company of freinds...had there bin some wid me,i'd have gone all out to explore the discs in town and rented a bike to soak in d pleasure... but unfortunately i was stuck wid parents ,and could hardly think abt goin to a nightclub without an eyebrow or two being raised...but ,my dear,such is life....
Hope u've found this post awfully boring -but the pleasure is all mine!!!!!

Me AGAINST Myself!!

2007-06-10T15:25:00.000+05:30

Hmm...no particular reason for this post....just coz things stagnate too quickly and become stale,i dnt want my blog to be destined towards such an ill-fate...
And if u've come here before, u might have already noticed the make-over ,or whatever u'd wanna call it ,of my little blog ,and just to bring ur attention to the state of affairs, i'd want u to scroll down to the bottom too....not that i want any adulation or credit for the sudden beautification or mortificaton(whichever u prefer) of this space...all i want is that nthin "new" shud be missed out...lolz...

Ok,now that ur'e most probably back from the trip down memory lane(read a scroll-down-my-blog-and-back-to-post), you must have diverted ur attention to the appearance of the spidey ...and if ur'e mind is racing too fast, it wud've also duped you into thinkin that like many others,i've also bin caught wid d spidey-bug(both literally and figuratively). And even though ur imagination has quite hit the bull's eye(and why wouldn't it....given the fact that the bull itself has a gigantic eye!!)..that's not quite the purpose of this pic here. If u know me well, the thought that it must have had some philosophical significance must've already hit ur head at the first go itself(though u'd not hesitate to admit that i managed to get u stray on to unwanted territory all this while!)...

Dunno why but this pic kinda gives me a sense of deja-vu,u know..the bin there done that kinds(and why wouldnt it,given the fact that i was spidey-dized in the paint-a-face competition long back)...but still it runs down deeper than that,and kinda reflects a universal truth....that of the dark side in all of us...somewhere hidden deep in the intricacies of our souls,and one which makes its presence felt from time to time...an inseperable and yet loathed part of the human psyche and as well-blended (or ill-blended ) u might prefer as coffee with milk,or sugar wid ice-cream(or the other way or whatever)....ahem,ahem.....no taste-bud-tingling here plz....

I know some of us will find this idea achrimonious and sulk if i start elaborating upon it,but i cant help it...its my blog and u can very well go satisfy ur whims and fancies and take sadistic pleasure outta them.....

Now if ur'e still stuck reading this,u'll be waitin fr me to unleash my philospohy ...well,if thats the case....let me make it simpler.Think of the following scenarios:

1)Ur'e sitting alone (or wid a bunch of frnds) ,having a nice coke,a burger and chatting non-chalantly,or to make it better ,sitting on one of those couches at mochas/CCDs...and u suddenly notice a guy all over a hot-babe in a nearby couch,and it all might seem so lucrid to you...but u'll newaz be wishing that somehow the very next moment,the girl slaps him and u manage to steal her attention wid a twinkle in ur eye!!

2) Ur'e watchin an important match between India and Australia,and at the very last delivery when India need 2 runs to win( and keep it the world cup final to make it better)...ur girlfriend comes and turns off the TV,takin the authority of the remote control,and pops the question...wont u just think once -"Why the devil r u here...just go and hang urself frm the ceiling fell....god damn it,i'm watchin the final deleivery of the final!!!!"(dnt blame me if the scene seems straight outta PKSE)

3)Ur'e girlfriend ditches u ....and the very next day u r seen flirting away wid girls and acting like a gigolo....even though u still love ur gf,who isnt yet an ex....but u can do anythin to induce jealousy!!!(the same funda can be applied in case ur'e a girl,though i'm srry if ur;e not dat kinda girl!!Bt what the hell....y shud i b sorry for it!!)

4)When at the naive adolscent age ,u were jealous of that classmate alwaz scoring marks higher than u ,or winning the praise and applause of most of the people around...and for once u wished -"Why doesnt he get killed in a car mishap??" or worse still...plotted a whole story to show him/her down in front of the others..

I guess this much is enough to illustrate that bit of demon which sits inside all of us....
On a more philosophical note ,we all ,at some point ,have enjoyed playin the demon...but in the process we hv failed to realize what it can do to the other person...All the above scenarios were thought in a very sarcastical manner ,and i myself havent bin akin to them at any stage of my life...but what i'm trying to say is ,havent we all changed ourselves in some way or the other and modelled our personalities on the basis of what's decent and what's not, just so that we can gain greater acceptability in a society that has defined arbit rules and regulations to judge a person...

Havent we all had our times,when we stood in front of the mirror,and wondered -"Whats happened to me -am i still the same guy that i was???" What we see is not a reflection of our own selves ,but what the world has made of us...all those bruises and pain are all visible and so is the insesitivity ,and aloofness that's left our li'l brain cells addled... The familiar voice that still speaks out frm the depths of our hearts is still audible ,but do we really want to hear it??? Do we really want to give a chance to those very emotions that have let us down everytime ,everytime we laid our trust on somebody ,or something that felt familiar outta the crimson lives that we lead..

Bruised ,broken ,let-down,all of us have perpetually put that mask on our faces ,to hide our true selves from this world,to seek comfort in that cocoon we built for ourselves,to remain under the ageis of only our pure soul,the only part of us which is still untouched ,and which still lives... Its so much better to show off this part of us which doesnt even exist and why not,when every1 just seems to love it and swear by it,and when everybody else does the same...we've learned to pretend and now we are so adroit at it that we seemlessly keep on doin it day after day...and even sometimes when we did let it fade and showed up our true selves ,this cruel world has pushed it further deep down,only to be taken place by a murkier mask,and this vicious cycle endlessly goes on...

Yes ,we are losing out ourselves in the race today,but we dont really have any option,coz our true selves arent allowed to participate ,leave alone move ahead...We think we know people,but what we have known is only that part of the reality which doesnt exists ,and the actuality alwaz seems to allude no matter how hard we try... its like a matrix that we ourselves programmed ,but forget to add that module to unplug it,and now wer'e stuck inside forever.... it doesnt then matter how many people are there close to us today,their realities are still far away,outta reach..and that makes us feel,lonely even in a crowd..

Yes ,people know my name..and they call me names too,some out of affection and some for no reason at all,but do they know me at all??? Have they ever seen through this hallucination they face??Forget that ,they dont even know themselves well....

I guess no point bragging about a lost cause ,coz newaz there's no point in trying to change our destinies,and its too late to change the path that we all have taken,and in any case there's no other path which isnt devoid of loneliness...for the moment let us seek solace in the fact that wer'e one among many ...nobody likes to be the pioneer of an unsuccessful movement,and what the heck...who has the tyme??All that we can hope is that this is a nightmare,which soon would end...and hope is all we've got...till then lets keep hating love,keep disrespecting respect ,keep treating others like zombies,keep tearing away feelings ,keep picking the thorns and throwin away roses,until one day a voice calls within you-

WAKE UP U MITE BE DREAMIN...

||~Memoirs of the 4th Sem~||

2007-05-16T22:15:00.000+05:30

There’s nothin worth writing home about this sem, and even as I say so ,it has sprung so many surprises that I knw its one sem that I will never be able to forget for the rest of my life….It seemed like most of the things that’ve happened since the beginning of this year have been straight outta a dream,or better put ,a nightmare(though yeah on some instances ,I’d stick to dreams),for the tears I’ve cried,if taken together ,would easily suffice one month’s water requirement for the complete hostel,if ,god forbid, anything happens to the water supply and ppl are left high and dry …Uhh,I know the thought’s not very appealing to any1 reading this space,but I couldn’t think of a better way to put it!!!

And as far as the smiles are concerned ,well….

Brace-less and in search of happy-ness

what an irony actually ,I used to be happy when I had the blood sucking braces on,and even as I tried hard to hide em ,I was continually given reasons to smile,and now that theyr’e off and I wanna show off dat broad grin, I realize it has been snatched away from me!!!
At first though,ppl hardly noticed my brace-less-ness,until I started pointing out…bt newaz it was a gr8 feelin to be back wid my original pair of teeth,though strangely the face I used to love had changed completely and strangely,my dentist liked it better…

CGPA dipping like temp. in January

Yeah,it was a shock to every1,including me,as my CGPA fell from a respectable 8.375 to 7.125,and that for reasons I still cannot fathom… Every1 kinda found an alibi in Counter Strike,but I had better planz than to blame a harmless computer game for my performance …after all ,I still aint mad for frags!!!

The Bakar-az

Hmm…strangely the bakar sessions this sem were unusually long ,and surprisingly quite "hatke" from our usual chitter-chatter… for the first time we began musing about our future prospects ,including the MBA prep,and damn, I was so influenced I went ahead to join Career Launcher(looking at the first series of packages makes me puke!!!)…then there were unusually long talk sessions about girls ,which left Bhutani so charged up everytime,that he proposed a new girl every fortnight!!!Phew!!! We still cant help but laugh at him,rather with him!!!
But I’d still cant forget one particular bakar session that I had with shubhi,standing in the middle of the road ,and how a group of girls passed us and greeted us ,and when they returned after 2 hrs ,they found us standing at the very same spot…they could hardly believe their eyes!!! It kinda always has to be one such session between us every sem,and I regret that its never more than one!!!I pity that guy though,had to bear me for 4 hrs with a fever on his head!!!

The Bus/Train-Travails

It seemed that the bus-rides kept getting bumpier as the sem progressed…Blaming the roads for the fiasco wont be correct ,coz most of the times twas my fault and the fact that the VOLVOs are hazardous to health made it all d more merry!!!
And by the end ,it seems it all got so intolerable that my "usual companion" realized I was no gud and gave up on me,and finally fought fr her rights!!!
Though I’d wanna blame the Delhi-U.P. fights which caused our dear shatabdis to desert ISBT ,and what it left behind was utter chaos!!
Ofcourse,the icing on the cake was the journey back frm Dehradun,where we had to sit on the bus floor!!

Srishti 07

Our annual hobbies club exhibition was a let down this time with no festivities and DJ around ,but it managed to earn me quite a reputation!! Not only did I,along with my 10 pointer frnd,win the first prize ,but I was elected the joint secy by a toss!! It didn’t end here ,coz now it seems I’ve bin promoted to the helm of the affairs –the post of Secy!!!
Though the last day of Srishti would alwaz be a part of my bad memories…
But it didn’t lemme down,and I gladly took the trophies to my partner’s room,who was caught by the cold,and was satisfied to share our success..

Ayush,who???

The 4th sem was also accompanied by the realization that I’m getting older…but hold on..arent u supposed to be forgetting things when ur’e graying…I guess goin by that ,ppl around me have gone older and I’m still young…How ,otherwise would I have remembered to wish my best pal on his b’day and still after listening to 5 mins .of my bakar ,he manages to ask-“Who’re you?” ,and even after being told who he’s supposedly talking to,he chips in with-“Who,ayush??”
How could he forget the voice that’s bin there with him through most part of his school life, the one which pleaded their cause to the snobbish principal and the one who laughed with him on the day of suspension…it takes a lifetime to create memories,but only a moment to forget it all….

Say-Na Say-Na

This goes out to the most popular word of the sem-“No”…
Be it an offer for chhole bhature(!!!),ice-cream(!!!),or an invite fr the auspicious B.D.,or just a talk,all I got was a “no”…
Be it a plead to increase a mark or two ,or a plead of innocence when I was accused of cheating,all I got was a “no”…
hey bhaggu,Kya zamaana aa gaya hai!!!

Bhawan days

This is a part of our lives which introduce some excitement into our otheriwse dull schedules ,and would continue to entice until the very last year of our stint at IITR...
It wasnt lyk the first year this tym around,when we(read me n rishabh) used to just go n squat in any bhawan day on its bhawan day and used to ask fr passes like beggars(just fr d gud food ofcourse,and I still remember how me,rishabh ,pulkit and twarit almost got killed in that stampede in azaad last tym)...we had no option at that tyme,but this time we had spread out in almost all the hostels and so i expected atleast a few,if not all invites...But much to my displeasure and agony,not a single invite came,and i was graciuosly brought bak to my first year days ...bt i dont mind begging fr passes ..as it is i'm one with ever-dipping levels of self esteem and self respect,and so it wasnt hard for me to start begging again...And given the fact that i know more than 75% of the people frm the 2005 batch,ranging across departments as diverse as electrical ,mechanical,civil,meta,etc etc and ofcourse the E&CE deptt,and even quite a lotta seniors,i managed to procure passes for 7 outta the 8 hostels(includin my own ofcourse,of which i had procured more than just a few copies!!)...
But in anycase,they left me “high and dry”...dunno when that shubh gharee is gonna arrive when i recv an invite!!

One nite@the main building

Hmmm...now stop stretchin ur imagination too far...coz what happened was completely harmless!!!
Was the ravindra bhawan day and after havin eaten until our stomachs ached and still managin 2-3 ice creams each,we endeavoured to stop by at the main building and the fact that we had to jump the fence and a guard was perfectly seated with a rifle in his hand didnt quite bother us!!We were armed too- with 3 guitars and a hunger for havin some clean fun...and so we put up our dharna and sat rite at the center of the main building,and started off wid our song and dance routines!! The guard's repeated warnings didnt dampen our spirits ...And then for 2 hours after that ,we made the IITR's center of admin seem like a caravan!!!
It isnt usual for us to have that much of fun at IITR,so that day i guess stands out!

Fervour -RJB bhawan day

Now this was one day when i tried to put everythin in place as it was last year...invited the same 4 ppl,and was lukin forward to it coz we all somehow knew its gonna be the best one among all the B.Ds…but again,I was given d cold shoulder!!!Only 2 of em came, and they were 2 busy wid themselves….bt newaz all I know is that we danced lyk hell and that stage we broke was one feat worth remembering!!!

The Drunkies club & the darker side of MEeeeeee

Although everybody knows what happened that night was just too much and too bad….dunno why bt I wanted to lash out at ppl in general….we had had an awesome bhawan day and so ppl kept wonderng why I felt so frustrated…I don’t know what came over me and I (or we) drank so much that the situation gt outta gear….dunno when I began to swing to and fro and we made our way to the busT…dunno what wud ‘ve happened if the 2 ppl who hadn’t drunk hadn’t joined us…. Dnt kno why I said all those things on the way ,and dnt know why I let the world kno everything that I had so well hidden from the world…I dug my own grave I guess…its kinda weird what alcohol can do to u….even when u know ur’e fallin in a pit,u dnt feel like getting out!!!
Though I had a terrible hangover d next day and missed all classes,bt still I for once felt gud that I had let out those feelings and the frustration that was welling inside me …
And that was the last time I ever drank!!!!Yucks!!!!!!!!

Convergence/Cognizance

Cognizance this time for me mostly meant convergence,which took away 4 days of hardwork with only abt 1 hr of sleep each day ,that too while working…bt I’m glad that it turned out well at last and all our efforts bore fruit….200 ppl fr the 1st round was awsum…
There were a few things missing frm cogni this time round-esp the kaun-banega-chocopati,even though we had planned it since long….bt we never really got the time,and fr once I didn’t feel like doin it again…
Still ,there were sum things I enjoyed –bandish nite ,the 3 choco fudges at nirula’s all to myself ,the laser-cum-dj nite,and the world cup match!!!
And how can I forget ,the matherina debacle…how we gave up our only rest day to create slides ,sacrificed our 3 hrs of sleep that we had been entitled to that nite,spoke an impromptu at the PPT, and won hands down in the end!!!Yeah, 3rd outta 3rd ..thats awsum!!!I feel so proud!!!Hardwork pays u see….
I really feel gud though coz convergence gave me new frnds-abhishek,deb,shanky,ritika,shubham version 2,dig(our own SRK),and karan

Prakash restaurant

Wanted to write this small token of thx to the rest. For I ate so many meals there(90% of em alone) ,and had a lotta chapos too….also nt to forget the chapo I gave to one person I just knew existed(coz I wanted company!!),and how we are gud fnds today…
and of course,how they got fed up of 2 ppl fitin over chhole bhature and cheeze tamatar..

Shortcut

Hmm...this is sumthin that's quite interesting-how i used to jump the wall of RJB and reach prakash in 5 mins flat!!!Ate a lotta icecreams when there wasnt nebody to give company ,and used the shortcut heartily-it was an adventure in itself!!!

Fare-well

This was also a sem where I bid goodbye to so many ppl …. The M.Sc. waale kind n generous ppl,the MBA students who I usually wished whenevr our paths crossed ,and a temporary one to Neeraj,Bagghi,Praggy,and a few others whor’e off to Singapore…
I hope they wont forget me though … coz even as they go to a new place and a new lyf,I’m still stuck here in dis sweet prison!!!

The blow-my-CGPA-deptt
This one deserves a pat on the back!!!My CG has become a kinda bumpy ride...from 8.675 to 7.125 in sem 3...it was a roller coster fall!!!I loved it though
But i'm glad to be back in d race with 8.03!!

Thank-you’s
Finally time fr thank –you’s

1)Prerna-fr being there at the worst of times and helping me sail thru wid dose sweet msgs….

2)Shubham-fr knowin me inside out and bein the guidin lite all thru...for helpin me in the toghest situation...

3)Surbhi-fr being the wisdom woman(;o))...for all those words of wisdom on frndhsip and love...i wish the world was so ideal as u see it,and i wish ur philosophy could be agreed upon by all..

4)Sagun-for sayin those inspirin things even though he's a man of few words..lolz...for tellin me-"aupsy tere ko kya ho gaya??Hume humaara aupsy waapis chahiye!!"when i wasnt myself,and then tellin me-"stop thinkin abt things u'll never understand...apni cg bacha le aupsy..this is ur last chance!!"..i did it ghisuu!!!!!!

5)Bagghi-for givin me a chance to become the Joint secy and then promoting it to Secy,and for that chapo at prakash!!

6)Deepika- for being the only 1 frm the school grp agreeing to a "get-together" everytime!!!lolz

7)Gautam-fr invitin me to his sis's wedding....i'm xtremely srry i cudnt make it

8)Bhutani-for keepin me away frm smokin on that unauspicious nite when i had lost my senses...and fr bein there on the most unauspicious day of my life!!

wanna thank a lot more ppl here....many fr being there,and quite a few for lettin me learn some cruel lessons in life,the hard way....
All in all ,the most unusual sem ever......

ThE DooNY-TunES!!

2007-05-15T13:26:00.000+05:30

12th May-the day that spelled independence for all of us...and the day when we had long-planned to take that special trip to dehradun jst 2 celebrate the impending b'days of 5 ppl(though i was pushed into that list later on so that i could contribute some green bucks to the camaraderie,and in the fine mood that i was in,i heartily obliged)...though ,of course some ppl had other intensions which weren't safe and morally-sound!!!

We endeavoured to catch the 4 pm bus after shedding off the exam hangover from our shoulders (and face too with our evidently growing beards a clear tell-tale of our exam agonies) . We surprised the Uttarakhand transport guyz when we turned up in huge group of unmanagable 32 IITians ,and obviously we were the given the pleasure of an entire bus to ourselves….the journey was gud ,although since I was sleeping most of the time,what with signs of fever already hanging around my head,I have not much to recollect from it. All I know was that I kinda enjoyed that short hilly climb upto dehradun and the not-so-breathtaking views …

We landed at about 6 and made our way straight to the only place worth whiling away time in dd-Rajpur road…and outta utter desperation or to release our minds of the frustration that was welling up inside our opposite sex-deprived hearts, our heads began straying to infinite distances to catch a glimpse of that elusive hot bird walkin around with her equally hot friends firmly in tow. But as I had already warned ,much to the agony of the others,this was no delhi..and all we got was utter disappointment.

Feeling dejected or betrayed,in whatever way u’d like to put it,we strolled a bit along the happening hub of dehradun,which ,at that fateful time when almost 50 IITians were overburdening it with their unusual lingo,had been deserted by the “creamy “ layer of the society!! Maybe even the dehradun girls knew that IITR’s btech guyz are gonna have it done off with their end sems that very day,n so they ran off for cover !!!

As we reached our destination ,Yo!China,we figured out that we were only 20 ppl and the others had somehow gone astray… what happened???We supposed they prob ran after a gud-looking chick in the wilderness!!!Nah, it seemed they were makin their own planz fr d own evening…so v placed the order in advance and thought it worthwhile to hang out a li’l bit more until we were joined by the precarious missing part of our entourage…We had everythin frm ice-creams to puddings and then finally a reunion!!

Everybody ate their hearts out at Yo!China.Having ordered a sumptuous feast and having taken the most out of what the pockets of th 5 bakras cud give em ,they ate like apes gorging on food that has just been ordained frm the skies…And since I was one of the bakras,I restrained myself a bit and went along with what had already been ordered rather than adding my own part .From honey potatoes,veg schezwan sauce, lamb/rabbit/buffalo/chicken and a whole jungle of animals to the most exotic mocktails(read electric spark and blue ocean) everythin was ordered…The bill itself was enuf for us to digest the sumptuous meal that we had just eaten ..a whooping 5500 bucks…thankfully brought down to 5000…. Guess IITians are offered the 10% discount everywhere!!! We did eat a lot,but we shed a lot of weight too..our wallets felt lighter by 1000 bucks each (n this is fr d chapo givin bakras only) after a lotta bargaining and brain-smashin with the Yo!China guyz…

We snapped a few pics and then split up again…one grp proceedin with its planz to spend the nite in a Lounge and try out Tequilla just to get a feel of it(uh!!!!!!!!!!!),with 4 non-drinkers firmly in tow for post-Tequilla team management purposes ,and the other too worn out to even eat an ice-cream and dragging their legs to the ISBT(and that,ofcourse,included me!!) .Dnt really know what happened to the drinkers’ gang ,except that they did try out tequila and danced their hearts out,as was reported by those who were left lookin after them ,but enjoyed,nevertheless.But to our horror,no bus at the ISBT ,was ready to take passengers for roorkee,coz as it seemed ,there were ample passengers fr delhi,and even though we were 15 ppl and cu’ve given the bus-wallas a decent business ,and even as we were haplessly standin near 4 shatabdi’s standin in line ,we cudnt find a bus to ferry us bak to that sweet prison called IITR…Twas the case of “water water everywhere ,not a drop to drink”,and we shared Coolidge’s popular predicament.

Finally ,a bus conductor had mercy on us and even as it was filled to the brim ,and we weondered how we were supposed to fit in,we were offered a chance to hop in and undertake a unique standing journey all the way to rrkee!!!Even the passengers were left aghast at how 15 ppl (bechaare bachhe!!!) would go all d way standing to delhi(ofcourse they never knew we were a bunch of IITRians)…No option in sight,we shoved ourselves in and fr the nect 15 mins ,kept on our frail legs which were already giving way. We couldn’t take it any longer and decided its better that we sat down on the bus floor itself!!!It was kinda weird at first ,coz …I dunno it was just weird…and even as the ppl stared at our desperation ,they were equally helpless…thank gawd they closed all lights,we were saved the embarrassment fr the rest of the journey… I kept on wondering if a citizen of this country(leave aside the IIT tag) deserved such disrespect and even as I did so,a bag from the heaven above fell straight on my specs and they broke in two!!! Too tired to feel anything ,I just let it be and kept on staring at the stars which were visible from the vent opening on the roof of the bus, thinking once again of how as children we used to wonder-“we’ll be one of em one day when we die”…Well,if that’s the case I’d love to die….

SUMMER WIND...

2007-04-18T18:49:00.000+05:30

As i stand on the brink of the completion of my second year at IITR,i've grown to hate this place in more ways than one...Initially twas just the place,n now the people too....coz all i know is whenever i've tried to look for a friend here,more often than not ,i've hit the dirt...Nd so i guess the tym is right to take a firm resolve -never to trust any walkin creature at this weird place..."friendship" isnt sumthin that is the norm here...i'm completely fed up of people...just wanna take my degree as soon as possible and move outta here....
This is the last poem i'll wite this sem n this one goes with a heavy heart...........

The summer wind,
came blowin' in
from across the sea
It lingered there,
so warm and fair
to walk with me
All summer long,
we sang a song
and strolled on golden sand
Two sweet hearts, and the summer wind

Like painted kites,
those days and nights
went flyin' by
The world was new,
beneath a blue
umbrella sky
Beside those killing fights
we climbed the mountains and scaled new heights
-and painted new colours
The breeze so soothin always blew
Every moment worth through and through
-one summer worth more than a thousand others

The young flowers
and the mellow colours
-the sweet intoxication they bred
The clouds,stars and the rainbows
seemed like placebos
-a face that always blushed red
I had you besides for hours long
Those deep set eyes
had a captivation so frickin strong

There were promises made
and promises broken
things said
and things forgotten
Then softer than, a piper man
- one day it called to you
And I lost you, to the summer wind..

The sunset and the sunrise
The moon and the high skies
bring back your mem'ry
the fallen leaves were all that remained
in this pain that fate ordained
And here this road i walk,sleeps again...

When you come back I won't be here
They said and gently pulled me near
If you want to talk you can call
And no it's not your fault
I called n crawled
Tried to climb the walls
But a million tears was all i got
My solemn cry it couldnt carry
To you my friend,this summer wind...

The autumn wind,
and the winter wind
- have come and gone
And still the days,
those lonely days
- go on and on
And guess who sighs his lullabies
- through nights that never end
My fickle friend, the summer wind...
______________________________________________________

Chupke se kahin
dheeme paon se
Jaane kis taraf kis ghadi
aage bhad gaye
humse raahon mein
par to tum to abhi the yahin
Socha na suna
Kabka tha gila
Kaise keh diya -alvida.....

The Revelation~~My Angel

2007-04-13T12:47:00.000+05:30

Hey ...i guess this post will seem interesting to a lotta people if they happen to drop by(which obviously aint gonna happen)....its sumthin that everybody has been so eager to know about ,and those who know, couldnt help musing about!!Since time immemorial(though only till we were fortunate enuf to be school kids!) -people have asked me-who's this angel u keep mentioning about now and then??Is it some1 from the class(yeah,they sure hoped it'd be a gr8 story to gossip about if a secret crush was revealed)..but unfortunately ,that wasnt the case!! Today lemme tell u about this angel..

A pleasant day ,a warm morning
Through the field and cobblestones i plodded
my way across Great Britain
at Liverpool my destination ended

Travelled through the portals of time
Counties and cities
with their proud histories
once spoke of their courage and valour
Now stood under the sky with vivid hues and colour

Mystified ,amazed and dazed
I had had the time of my life
Hoped the journey would never end
It seemed like heaven for a while

Never did i know my heaven stood ere waitin
Reluctantly shoved my bag into the car
that smile i kept on faking

Only to find myself at the gate
a huge mansion ,an amazing villa
i could hardly fathom the games of fate
Knocked on the door ,and it opened voila!!!

A bright light all around shone
Had i seen a queen sittin on her throne
The world melted
twere two letters i heard
"hi"-a sweet symphony twas
bt twas me who was the nerd
Kept staring in awe
Words i coudnt guffaw

AN angel i had seen
Or my tired eyes were being too mean
Annika was her name
made of stuff that could earn instant fame
Her sweet smell caught be in an instant
and for once i forgot my name!!

Those long brown hairs
and the dark set eyes
caught me up
like a blessing in disguise
The way she looked and the way she smiled
it seemed she had never cried

She sneezed and sneezed so high
She broke her back as the evening was nigh
In pain there she lay
but not a frickle on her face to say
The smile still beamed
and those eyes still dreamed

With the summer breeze
we talked at length
of grass ,flowers and mighty trees
She taught me to live
She taught me too smile
even when twas tough to walk a mile
She opened me up from shy
and gave that feeling i couldnt deny

Having lost the last drop of zeal
she told me about life
adn for once my wounds,she could heal
the pain i had seen would one day go
She promised me happiness to feel

Time flew and twas too short
I had to bid this heaven goodbye
In hell once again i would rot
She hugged me once
and she hugged me tight
twas more than enough i knew
with this memory i would face the night

For years i lived with that sweet mem'ry
in times when i reaped solitary
lost her contact too soon to beleive
her eyes i saw in my reverie
An angel she was
An angel of God
To tell me this life aint worthwile
To wish glory my soul could ride...

The waves of the ocean carry her voice
The raindrops remind me of her memory
in times when i'm left alone without a choice
And if u jus though that was my first love
i'd rather come and give u a big shove
coz an angel she was
An angel of God
To tell me this life aint worthwile
To wish glory my soul could ride...

So i guess all ur doubts hav bin put to rest and ur'e basically feelin sorry that this subject isnt worth a good round of gossip!!!
(bt who am i talkin to...HELLLLLLLLLLLO-----is nebody home?????????????)

GRILLED SANDWICH!!

2007-04-05T23:07:00.000+05:30

Have u ever tried to compare ur lyf to that of a grilled sandwich???From the time it is a plain bread to the tym it comes out of the oven hot n tasty filled with a lotta stuff inside it!!
The analogy,I think is very apt and so,I thougt why not just put it to words…

STAGE 1.PLAIN BREAD
I guess this is the stage which is the most simplest to describe ,and we all ,every now and then pretty much wish we could get back to where it all started….

A fresh, plain ,white bread, just taken out from that new packet …has its own charm…bt it never remains in that state till very long…It’s nothing without that touch of chocolate/peanut butter/cheese spread on it or without being toasted or grilled…And think about the bread too…how dearly it wants to look good,taste better and be decorated with almost anything possible!!And left to itself,it soon starts to rot away…

I guess the human psyche goes along the same lines…Wer’e but like the grilled sandwich as a child…innocent and cute,untouched by the cruel world outside,unaffected by the other such nice frsh pieces around em…lookin continuously at the elder ones’ and tryin to imbibe their qualities-trying to be lyk em every moment,and doing things the way they do…ready to fall into that trap ,which the world has woven for itself since long….

STAGE 2.DRESSING UP-CHEESE SPREAD

I can see water dripping from ur mouth already!!!But wait,hold on…its just that initial dressing up stage which gives the piece of bread a taste,a vigour, a nice soft feel…so that the one who’s gonna eat it mite well be tempted to do so!!!And that’s not all,woudnt u wanna poke ur finger into that dripping cheese once and put it to gud taste!!!

Its like that stage of our lives when we grow up for a li’l child to be a li’l boy-one who’s learned most of the good things his parents n elders could have tought him..when u talk sweetly ,and are the apple of every1’s eyes…Every1 wants to do that kid-talk with you,and wants to play around with you…wanna have a share of ur naughty escapades all the tym….wanna hug and kiss you …and be around you forever...

STAGE 3.DRESSING UP-VEGETABLES

Yeah,obviously a grilled sandwich is incomplete without vegetables(unless of course,it is a cheese grilled sandwich!!).Now this is where the garbage part comes in…though most of the people would relish the presence of these vegetables-some would prefer to deliberately let them fall down n get rid of them…

Now this is that stage of our lives where we’ve eaten that forbidden fruit of knowledge(which I’d say,mostly breads contempt),and gathered in our li’l minds all the stuff that lies before our eyes,in different forms,somethings which are digestible and some which aren’t…but nonetheless ,cluttered in our minds ,in the same way as our cluttered rooms at home…We hardly know what each thing implies and more often than once,we feel lyk we could have done without knowing a few things.This is the time when people other than those from our own circle start to influence us and cast their shadow upon us-and their presence seems to become indispensable for our very existence,and we become highly dependent on them…even if u take the tomato away,doesn’ tit still leaves behind a li’l orange coured water with a few seeds??

That’s the way it goes for us too…Although ,that’s also how we bring variety in our lives and have an option of choosing a path of our own choice-be just a cheese sandwich,or a tomato sandwich,etc,,etc…
And then somehow,the taste of that delicious cheese spread which so subtly lies underneath ,fades away….

STAGE 4.THE SECOND PIECE

Hmmm….one obviously cannot imagine a sandwich without it being a pair!!Yeah,this is the stage when the second fresh piece is kept over all the work done uptil this point…

As we grow into teenagers and then responsible adults ,we need people around to help put everything that they’ve learned all these years together …to support em in all walks of lyf,and keep their secrets hidden between the layers…Its here that we start to crave for that love and affection that we’ve lost somewhere down the years …to accommodate things that had seemed more important….and mostly try to find that one true match-a friend ,a soulmate,just anybody who could share everything-somebody who can keep up our lives in 1 piece!!

This is where we begin to let us fall ,to get entangled into that wordly web of lies ,deceits ,hopes n dreams-a world where nobody can survive without that mask on the face…
This is where it gets hard to tell one piece from the other…
This is where it becomes imposible to tell where it all started….

STAGE 5.THE GRILLING

Whoa…can u resist that sweet smell of the sandwich grilling inside the oven,teasin u with every breath u take,calling u to have a byte…

But there’s something more happening than just grilling….
Notice the gradual colour changes taking place in the bread…it becomes a shade of yellow at first ,at scatterd places,and then goes on to take a golden hue..until it becomes black at some places and golden –brown at the others….

Yeah, u guessed it right..this is the stage where one actually begins to fight the battles of life…tensions,depressions,illness,responsibilities …U become a responsible adult now and even start makin ur own grilled sandwiches,ur charm does increase and u have finally settled down….but what about this oven of lyf…it leaves you with marks deeper than any thing can ever erase…giving u memories to live with and people to die for…and everythin just leaves such a lasting impression on your persona…

And what about that time when you look in the mirror-and find the wrinkles slowly takin the place of that flawless skin and the vigour of youth fading away surreptitiously…

STAGE 6.THE GRILLED SANDWICH

This is the moment we’ve all waited for –the grilled sandwich finally comes out from the open ,hot and steaming –with a smell so irresistible that u wanna take it in with one big byte!!

That’s precisely when we’ve been there ,done that…
We’ve grown old and gained that precious experience lyf could have given us…. Celebrated all the victories and cried our hearts out for the smallest of failures…We’re bruised but not broken,and everything that we initially got with us is still very much there,and after all these years of toil,it tastes so much better now…There’s nothing that we change now,and there’s nobody who wants to change us …

Left to the mercy of the one who’s gonna eat us-God ,in our case ,we let ourselves flow to feel the high of that sweet poison-only to meet the end…and fade away into the hallows of time….

Now I lay me down to sleep..
I pray the lord my soul to keep…
If I should die before I wake..
I pray the Lord my soul to take…

Me Or Someone else???

2007-03-25T23:34:00.000+05:30

phewwwwwwww.....thats all what comes out when i try and speak somethin tonight....
Have bin awake since what seems lyk eternity now,and i know that my organs are gonna kill me if i dnt see the face of my bed soon...but frankly speaking, i'm not in a mood to do so....just wanna have a cuppa hot coffee and a muffin ,and someone to talk to,as i bid farewell to cognizance 07....

Lookin at myself in the mirror yesterday..
n was freaked out to see the image...
was it me or was it someone else??

I remember a guy with small eyes
with big dreams in them
trying to stand on his own feet
crawling,scratchin himself
but trying ,trying everyday to conquer the world
with all that he could do
with all he could think of
was it me or was it someone else???

A smile that could never fade
An attitude that could melt a million hearts...
With a lot more than just bed n baggage
he stood there at the gates of IITR...
A new world beckoned him..
He knew this was the time
the day that he had yearned for
and not a single speck
could blur his vision...
A vision which he long had
since the day his father pushed him out of the house
he knew he'd go one day...
and now the time was nigh...
Was it me or was it someone else??

He got a world to live,
a life to lead...
He got people to meet
and jeers to heed...
He got weeks to hate,
and weekends to love...
He got fame and endless names,
but not for once that elusive touch of happiness
He tried to make the best of it...
and got through the worst of it
but the tide of time could not carry him through
locked up inside that hole,he dreamt of flying high one day
those dreams nevr came out true....
He'd got nothing to do,and nobody to talk to
On memories he lived,on dreams he survived
Mistakes he did make and couldnt rectify
coz he had crossed the line too far
entangled in the web of his own ignominy
he lay there wondering
Was it me or was it someone else???

He wished an angel
in its arms he could fly away from here
from this dark cold room
and the endlessness that he could feel
To be pulled from the wreckage
of his silent revery
In the arms of his angel
He would find some comfort here...
The angel never did come
and trapped in his solitude
he lay hopeless ,his eyes bleeding with the thought...
Was it me or was it someone else??

The pages of time turned
and took him into a new world...
a world which was anything but ordinary
a world full of new people....
the stories he heard,and the laughter that reverberated inside him
all seemed to be so invigorating,so sweet
he couldnt help but let himself lose
and let him know how it feels to back in the race
to be back in the crowd
to be back with his smile
for a while he was the king
everythin seemed to be so god damned rite
Was it me or was it someone else?

He knew it wont last long
"all good things come to an end"-they say
He knows now he's got nothin to expect
friendship isnt a word in the dictionary here
He's sick of being left out everytime
he's stuck inside a world he hates...
He's sick of everyone around
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies...
Everythin has come around
He knows now God must hate him
He cursed him for eternity
Was it me or was it someone else???

Lookin at myself in the mirror yesterday..
n was freaked out to see the image...
coz there's somthin so wrong in me
that i've got to live with
The times are a changing
With the spring in the air,
n pretty girls are everywhere...
Alas!!there are somethings which would never be there...
I wish i could write my story and have everything
forever and ever and ever
A story where nobody would bid goodbye...
But i still dont understand-
Is it me or is it someone else???

ALL I DESERVE..

2007-02-26T13:04:00.000+05:30

Don’t know why I’m writing a post today ,never really had planned to write one ,atleast not on this old blog of mine…but kinda felt like talkin to some1 ,how does it matter if it has to be this space on my blog….atleast its my own,and I wudn’t have to worry about it getting bored of my crap!!

Have had more than just a hard time since the past 2 weeks…kinda feels like I don’t know how they went by…dunno abt the reasons ,maybe the tests,or the following week when I was bed-ridden with above-100 fever most of the time,or the weekend which just went by-belying my hopes of a great srishti ,same as that which happened last time…Yeah,had worked hard to put those stamps in place ,and then to get things going for the exhibition even when I was down with fever..and had thought that probably srishti would rock enough to break the monotony of life that had somehow set in after the tests..
But somehow ,there was everythin except the glitz and the glitter that was inconspicuous yet fulfilling the last time around…had nothing to do but while away time all the 3 days this time,with an occasional call of duty,as was expected from the future joint secy of the philately section…knew that I would win this time ,but it wasn’t something that really mattered …just wanted to spend some quality time after a prolonged sickness,but seems like it was too much to ask for …just kept on thinking,rather recollecting some memories outta the great event that we had last year,and all the fun that it could spare us…Tried to take part in a few events which seemed promising ,but was unlucky enough to be held back for being there without a teammate…Thought they’ll show us something worth the try in the star gazing events –but what I got in the end was a small telescope firmly focused on the moon(as if twas sumthin too invisible to the naked eye!!),and loneliness atop that dingy ,open space above hobbies club-that too with all the lights closed and people listening to heart –wrenching songs at a volume which made it look deliberate on their part to worsen the mood of even the most jovial guy around…so jus kinda ran away …even the hostel tended to remain empty most of the time –with the gaming bug caught by the people and they,consequently ,spending larger parts of the weekend playing either cs,or the new attraction-aoe…dunno why they wanna dig their heads and hearts into inconsequential games all the time-I guess its ok once in a while or for recreation,or probably at times when one is feeling too frustrated with the inconspicuously boring life that we people are forced to lead here in roorkee…but to make it a daily habit is kinda degrading…Then somehow the great expectations that I had had with exhibition came down and crash –landed at such a swift speed that I hardly took notice ,but I think my digestive system kinda gave in –didn’t feel like eating all theses 3 days…was as it is in no mood in the afternoons to get back to my hostel 10 kms away –only to eat 2 small bites of that sickening sight called mess food,and then come back in that rotting hell called srishti-so preferred to stay put at whiling away time within hobbies club,and then in the evening got so late working and winding up the exhibit at night ,that I had to inevitably miss mess food…so it wudn’t be wrong to say that I’m currently starving ,but somehow don’t feel like satisfying myself with any kind of wholesome or unwholesome food…tried eating out 2day ,and that was something that I had decided I would do newaz-thought maybe would need the energy for the coming week and so I better fill up the tank,but almost threw up at the sight of food,and as a result ,came back in a situation worse even than was before…

Have won a lotta prizes today ,but still ,surprisingly don’t have that feeling of happiness that supposedly shud’ve been there…Then somehow realized that people don’t listen to me at all in any respect-not that I expect them to give in to my whims and fancies ,but hoping that atleast a polite request doesn’t go unheard isn’t too much I guess …And then I don’t understand what people have against me-even those who I don’t even know enough to hurt or with whom I cud’ve ever acted bad....Am I supposed to be the one to spoil the planz n wishes of the people around me??Maybe…bt that was never what I planned to do,or wud’ve ever thought of doing.. All in all,a pretty bad experience –now I think its better not to have any expectations from nething or nebody !!

There are so many things that I’d wish I could say-but I know probably people on the other side of the fence wont be able to digest it,and that scares me out,coz I somehow don’t wanna lose anybody outta the present lot of faces that are familiar ,or more than familiar to me…sometimes I wonder how it feels to be angry ,or to lash out at someone-coz its been quite a lotta time since I’ve done that…but maybe if I learn to be bold enough and say all that I want to at somebody’s face,only if I could ask the things that I want with a pinch of authority ,not caring about what else is happening around me,things would be a lot easier ,and then ,I believe ,people in general will change their ur’e-taken –for –granted attitude towards me …But somehow inspite of knowing all these things ,I prefer to be in the shadows ,sort of have got the habit of being kicked and pushed ,and know somewhere deep inside that its all I deserve,and all that I have ever earned…

WALKIN IN THE RAIN.......

2007-02-06T11:43:00.000+05:30

It rained again today ,after quite some time....the sunshine's gone once again...but its a lot different this time...Was just a normal day,woke up to an overcast sky...expected some rain to follow up last evening's drizzle...but that possibility seemed far-fletched...Had the normal boring lectures....and finally the english lecture...where as always the most dreaded time comes-the attendance...yeah,thats wat we attend the lecture for...bt for me itz more than just the proff callin up my name and me sayin-present sir!!Its usually accompanied by an enthralling(or so they feel) cry of my not-so-mentionable nickname!!And as usual today too,and i had to call out abt 4 times fr the proff to hear my voice which was somehow lost every time in the cacophony...
After the normal embarrasing routine,the proff proceeded to the rest of the roll list,and i suddenly remembered ,one of my classmates had a b'day!!So i decided to wish him,but followin the style that the others have adopted ...as soon as his name was called,i started singin a bright-"happy b'day to u" ,and surprisingly the rest of the class followed,nd the proff clapped too!!
Twas raining heavily by now,and it had become dark and gloomy...bt i waz atleast happy dat i managed to do somethin atleast fr the b'day boy!!And as usual ,am not expectin nethin in return,not even a chappo!!

Yes ,this rain is different today ...and as much as i luv the rain,i wish i had somebody to walk with by my side....somebody's shoulder to cry on,and somebody's smile to rely on....or just somebody to read dis post...

I think i can write ne crap now...as much as i wish....coz i know no1's gonna read this space nemore.....so wid all due respects to my not-so -appreciable talent...here goes another of the crap masterpeices

Here comes the cloud again
With a crack of lightning
To show this nasty world again
Behind it ,there's no silver lining

Here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are

As my memory rests
it never forgets whot I've lost
And as real as it gets
my future died in my broken past

Ring out the bells again
a shattered cry of restlessness
Coz the ground is numb again
With the raindrops that washed my tears

The sun seems so far again
The clouds are now thundering
The sound of rain i hear again
But i dont hear anybody singing

The air is now pure again
But i cant seem to breathe
Guilt is what i've earned again
walls of attitudes choke my heart

Walkin in the rain again
I let my soul drift,
my road thins to a zinch
Memories that haunt again
were never meant to be....

IF ONLY....

2007-02-05T10:26:00.000+05:30

Have been kicked out of class for the umpteenth time 2day...for being exactly 6 mins late...Have no other option to pass time ...so once again ,as is my habit,i'm day-dreaming ...but damn me,coz i know hw dreams never come true ...but i say,does it even matter ??The world is as u dream it to be,and i guess there are somethings i wish could have been true....

If only,miracles could happen on earth...
If only,the sky was green and the grass was blue(ah!!but this might be possible someday wid new technology specs!!)
If only,einstein and newton were never born(hehe,there wud've been so less to study,rather nothing at all !!)
If only,B.Tech course was only a year long (imagine gettin a job at 19!!)
If only,mobiles were never invented(this ,i think,has a lot of implications... definitely agree that mobiles hv helped me keep in touch wid every1 around or even far away...bt its so much better to talk 2 a person rather than pass on dumb sms's!!)
If only,the sun never came out the rain never stopped(hmmm...v cud cry fr hrs widout ne1 noticing!!)
If only,all our prayers could be answered...
If only,the Indian team could win every world cup(now dat isn't superficial ,who knows ,it mite just be possible someday!!)
If only, a heavenly voice could tell us things that the people around us have been hiding ..
If only ,people stopped bitching about each other (oh,i forgot ,hw'd the girls survive!!)
If only,there was someone to read the crap on this blog...
If only,i could stop talkin crap stuff...

If only,i could have someone to hold on to...
If only, i could speak my mind..
If only,I had been less blind...
If only, things could never go wrong...
If only,gud things never changed...
If only, i could be less optimistic about life ...
If only,i could have somebody's shoulder to cry on ,and someboday's face to laugh at!!!!!!!!!!!!
If only, someone could see things from my perspective,and stop being so selfish...
If only ,there was a GOD i could talk to....
If only ,people never changed their attitudes...
If only,people stopped takin each other for granted...
If only,I could have a friend who'd never say-"time does seem to pass kinda slowly when ur with him"...I shud rather say,if only ...i could have a friend who remained a friend...
If only,we could light the flame of compassion without getting burnt and bruised...
If only,we could see our future...
If only,dreams could ever come true...

INDIA POISED...

2007-01-31T16:32:00.000+05:30

Dunno why i'm writin this post,and havn't even written sumthin like it b4,but i guess there ae sumthin's which i think I'd be proud of even in the worse situations-

"There are 2 Indias in this country.

One India is straining at the leash,eager to spring forth and live up to all the adjectives that the world has been showering upon us recently .

The other India is the leash.

One India says ,give me the chance and i'll prove myself.The other India says ,prove urself first and maybe then u'll have a chance.

One India lives in the optimism of our hearts.The other India lurks in the scepticism of our minds.

One India hopes.
The other India wants.

But conversions are on the rise.With each passing day,more and more people from the other India have been coming over to this side.And quietly ,while the world is not looking,a pulsating ,dynamic,new India is emerging.

An India whose faith in success is far greater than its fear of failure.An India that no longer boycotts foreign-made goods but buys out the companies that make them instead.

History ,they say is a bad motorist.It rarely ever signals its intensions when it is taking a turn.
This is that rarely-ever momen .History is turning a page.

For more than haf a century,our nation has sprung,stumbled,run,fallen,rolled over,got up ,dusted herslef and cantered,sometimes lurched on.But today ,as we begin our 60th year as a free nation,the ride has bruought us to the edge of time's great precipice.

And one India -a tiny little voice at the back of the head-is looking at the bottom of the ravine and hesitating.
The other India is looking up at the sky,and sayin-Its time to fly"

The anthem,as the TOI guyz call it-of course fr them ,its just another campaign...but the emotions that this anthem has evoked in people would go a long way in makin this country a plce to proud of...

Waz in delhi fr the extended weekend,around republic day ,that is...And that waz the time when this campaign found its really meaning...This R-day was different,it was more than just the parade,the national flag or just a holiday...twaz a day of reckoning,of beleivin that India is finally wakin up nd preparing iself fr the big flight...

Amused me a bit ,at first ,this campaign...but the vigour it brought to the countrymen this R-Day was unparalalled...For the first time ,people actually took time out to gauge the country's performance n almost every sector,nd the future prospectz...and it wudn't be wrong to say that each one of us could proudly beleive that we have contributed in a respectable way by our own standards...be it efforts at a socio-economico-political level ,or a smaller level...Frm taking our satellites succesfully to space,n being granted the US nod fr attaining nuclear proficiency to providing education to children everywhere,we've done it all...
Many things happened which nobody had earlier thought possible...wat started off as a plead of "justice 2 jessica" became a public furore ,albeit a unque way-through candle light marches and sheer voicing of public opinion...
A bill for OBC reservation made a few people venture out into the open with hoardings of protest ,but with the youth charged up wid d spirit of "Rang De Basanti"-it turned into a widespread movement ,a movement whch swallowed not only "students " but the most elite ones,frm the premier medical n engineering colleges of the country...with a protest march turning ghastly n endin in cruel lathi charges,people frm all over the country became one in the fire that raged within...nd frm the ashes was born "Youth For Equality"...nd hunger strikes,nd many more protest marches followed....so wat if we cudn't change the law,atleast we now know that we have the potetial to move mountains....

What started as a survey fr public display of affection (PDA)in its real sense, n its risin popularity at our place,with people gettin more n more comfy with their loved ones nd the dirtygazers turning into "let-em-be "ers,went on to the extent of PDA fr the country,and we suddenly started wondering why wer'e hesitant enuf to sport the national flag on our sleeves,or carry the brand India everywhere with elan!!!

The spirit reached its zenith this R-Day...India poised camps were held at the garden of five senses,ndpeople thronged in large numbers...not only that,i also saw a large no. of people walkin around the beautifully-decorated central secratariat,baskin in the glory,enjoyin their republic's 57th year with ice-creams,nd the chill wasn't enuf to stop them...

For once ,it made me feel proud to be an Indian once again,and think it well to beleive that our future's secure in the hands of our motherland..although the very next day ,when comin out of a crowded metro seemed impossible,it was me who fumed-"Is desh ka kuchh nahi ho sakta!!!"

If Tomorrow never comes...

2007-01-20T11:18:00.000+05:30

Nah!!Please dont get too excited...i'm not gonna commit suicide(tho i kno u wont care even if i did)...its just another peice of crap..

I'm so tired of the straight line

and the vultures and theives at my back

and it ain't gettin fine

coz the storm keeps on twisting

and we keep on building the lie

its easier to beleive in this sweet madness

oh,the glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

Just wanna escape one last time

coz if tomorrow never comes,

i'd still have a better today...

It ain't no good worshippin

the almighty God,

when we've not learned to thank Him

for that cup of life wer'e sippin...

hating,loathing,loving,and cryin

poisoning it with our own contempt

It seeps from my veins,

oh,this holy poison

still wanting,waiting

greedy for my own doom

Just wanna change it all,

coz if tomorrow never comes,

i dont wanna live a cursed today...

For all that i've been blessed with in this life

There's an emptiness within me

I was imprisoned by the power of gold

One honest touch ,love set me free...

If the world stops turning,

if the sun stops burning

if tomorrow never comes,

i'd still kno i had a great today

if in this life,i was loved even for a single day...

So if i die tonight

I'll have no regrets

If its in the arms of the ones i love

i will know that i was blessed

And if their eyes are the last thing that i see

then i'll know the beauty heaven holds for me

But if I make it through

If i live to see the day

If i'm on this earth

I'll kno just what to say

coz if tomorrow never comes,

i kno i'd still have today...

CAN'T SAY GOODBYE...

2007-01-11T15:49:00.000+05:30

This is gonna b my last poem ....hv lost more than just the inspiration now...

Here I'm standing like an open book
In front of you - my page is turning
Pick a chapter , and take a look
What do you see
Maybe now you're learning
My heart's breaking only you can stop
The pain I feel, I can't give up
I ask the question that I need to know
Won't you listen to me

Please don't walk away - leave me behind
With these crazy feelings
No one is to blame - ain't that a shame
But I still believe in you
You're the one i call-"friend"
That is why I just can't say goodbye

Here I'm lying in my bed alone
What do I feel - another page is turning
Once again another chapter's closed
And in my mind I see our bridge is burning
I am falling and I can't get up
Seems so far to reach the top
The way I feel for you will never stop
Won't you Listen to me

Don't wanna walk away
Don't wanna let you down
Don't wanna see you crying
Just wanna see you smile

I'll never walk away
I'll never let you down
I'll never leave you crying
I just can't say goodbye
coz you're the one i call-"friend"

MY PAST LIFE....

2007-01-06T13:32:00.000+05:30

Was just a bit bored today, nd nthin else to occupy my mind, i thought a little surfing wouldn't be of any harm...Was just browsin through the endlesness of wat i ,and many others who'd agree with me,call my second home-the internet,second only to mother earth, when i came across this weird lookin site-http://www.thebigview.com/pastlife/index.html.
It promised to tell me who i were in my "past" life using just my birthdate in my "present life"..
A laugh full of sarcasm reverberated inside me,and findin a great opprtunity to amuse myself,i entered my birthdate,and pressed the "Diagnose"(!!!) button...
I expected to see some details like my name in past life,occupation,how much i earned ,where i lived,how many wives nd hw many children i had,how i looked like,etc etc...I mean ,it would've bin fun dat way,would've bin even better had they shown me a pic of myself in the so-called "past life"...What i got was this(watch out fr ma comments in the brackets)-

"Your past life diagnosis:

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were male(*thank god thtey didn't write a dinosaur or to make it worse,Adolf Hitler!!*) in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Hungary(*my my ,i was a hungarian !!*)around the year 1775. Your profession was that of a leader, major or captain(*whoa,can hardly think of being d captain of anythin else than our E&C deptt cricket team..*).

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:Timid, constrained, quiet person. You had creative talents, which waited until this life to be liberated(*wonder why talents had to wait 200 yrs to come to the fore,i mean if they never really were visible in my past life,how does this bloke of a guy knew they were inside me!!beats me!!*). Sometimes your environment considered you strange.(*Oh!yeah,ppl must've bin wonderin hw a brown guy was born in Hungary!!*)

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:Your main lesson is to develop magnanimity and a feeling of brotherhood. Try to become less adhered to material property and learn to take only as much, as you can give back.(*was i some kinda gangster dat i realized in d end social work is my only liberation!!*)

Do you remember now? (*Absolutely,everythin is so damn crystal clear now!!Thnx fr tellin me,i'm off to Hungary to find my roots!!*)"

Whatever it was ,it serioulsy brought a big grin on my face ,and as usual i began to think a second aspect of it-even if its the only time that we've bin born on earth,we lead many lives in a single lifetime itself....

And even though the site gives crappy insights into somethin that might never have existed at the first place,it made me think about my own past life ,
someone that i was only 4 yrs ago,
someone that i was before the transition took place ,
someone whose reflection in the mirror cursed nd chided him,
someone who had suppressed the real me someone inside the depths of his soul,
someone who had forgotten to smile,to love and be loved,
someone who hadn't seen life beyon the comforts of his home nd the confines of his school,
someone who was dependent on every1 around him fr every bit of his life,
someone whose life was as colourless as a black and white tv,
someone who had been so laid down by a closed door,that he cudn't see the other 2 that had been opened...

bt it seems now that with a whirl of time,everythin has changed,that some1 has changed into a completely different person,and left that past life to decay in the gutters of time...
one who tries to match his step with the ever-increasing pace of this world,and picks himself up whenever he falls in the race...
one who perfectly identifies with his own reflection,smilin nd scowlin at it at the same time,
one who dreams a lot,and looks forward to makin em come true...
one who sees somethin good in everything that happens,thou sheds a tear or 2 fr everythin gone awry,
one who enjoys the melancholy of the sound of the tree leaves when he's walkin alone
one who firmly beleives in god n never asks Him-"Why me??"
One who thanks Him for His angel ,
one who sees love in every small thing,
one who pushes thru the darkness,coz he knows his destination makes it worthwhile,
one who's been a pawn,a pauper,a puppet, a pirate and a king...

I dont knw how many lives i'm gonna lead in my lifetime,and how many roles i'm gonna play,
bt i just know one thing ,each time i start afresh,i'll thank god fr the "past life" coz without it i wudn't have bin able live thru the present one...

SWEET NOVEMBER...

2006-12-29T00:07:00.000+05:30

It's never too hard to find the words
The words to say to you
You make it so easy just to talk
The way we talk things through
You're never too tired to care
You're never too busy to just be there
And when I smile my feelings show
So everybody, everybody knows

Lookin back on d memory
of d dance v shared 'neath the starts above
I remember my frnd say-"lets jus go upto where those 2 girls r "
(He's a 10 pointer,these were lines he wasn't suppose 2 say)
and me say-"Let them be,theyr'e prob enjoyin,who r v to spoil d fun??"
Bt somehow,he vanishd and left to myself was I
No other option in sight,i sneaked into the merriment
twas jus the company i njoyed...

You say my bad times kicked off d day v talked,
bad times they were
Cleaning the room till 2 in d nite
With A+M written on my wall
was no fun at all
but never ever had i thought,
that those 2 words,or more as u said would carry us this far

you were surely the one who kept the strings intact
How else wud i hv known that there's somebody who keeps knockin on my backdoor
nd who remembers me
fr the chocolate i sumhow had to give
to any girl dat i cud see
how did i kno dat you'll be the 1 to drop by??

The trip we did take
nd many a smile did u fake
bt i didnt give up coz somehow i did feel
that sumday,it wud turn real
Real is it,i still dont kno
Coz how buffs smile isn't my expertise!!

You say i've crossed the line
bt everythin still seems so foggy
nd i wish i cud've more time
to see thru the real u
And2 see things the way u see

You make me feel funny
When you come around
Yeah that's what I found out
You make me feel happy
When I leave you behind
It plays on my mind now
What am I doing without you

Just wana tell u...
We got a little world of our own
I tell you things that no one else knows
I let you in where no-one else goes
i never kno why
And all of the things I've been looking for
Have always been here outside of my door
And all of the time I'm looking for something new
i never kno why

I wanna thank you for this smile
But I don't say this much
It's usually not my style
I was sleeping and yesterday
You gave my world a shakin'
My eyes are open wide

And even as i type ,
a song plays in the background
Maybe quoting it wud help me write further-
"I can't imagine any greater fear
Than waking up without you here
And though the sun would still shine on
My whole world would all be gone
But not for long

If I had to run
If I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers
Just to climb a thousand walls
Always know that I would find a way
To get to where you are
There's no place that far
It wouldn't matter why we're apart
Lonely months, two stubborn hearts
........."
coincidently apt lines,they may be...
Srry fr dat short commercial break...

just wanna remind u once again-
"Softly the leaves of mem'ry would fall,
Slowly i'll gather nd pick em all..
Coz 2day,tomorow,nd till my life's thru,
I'll always cherish knwin some1 lyk u"

I often wonder why,
Someone as flawed as I
deserved to be written about
Funny how life can be so surprisin...
dunno hw the better angels of our nature
after a long fight with our inner demons
bring us back into our senses...
and make us see
things v never earlier beleive

Dunno hw 2 continue
bt its alwaz the best feelin
to see things from somebody's eyes...
to put it in words is the most difficult task...
Its the end of an year,
what unexpectdness lies ahead,nobody knows...
forgive me if i've said sumthin wrong all thru

hope i get the message through...

SPIRIT OF YULETIDE..

2006-12-26T12:46:00.000+05:30

Isn't it simply great...as the world celebrates and parties,i'm typing away to glory...

The autumn leaves are falling
the church bells are ringing
the angels are singing
and the world is brimming
with joy and laughter

Another christmas comes by
and the children's grins are oh-so-shy
as they wait for santa in his sleigh to mistify,
their world which forever had seemed so dry

The christmas trees decorated pompously
and the brownies n puddings baked heartfully
the presents exchanged cheerfully
and the children playin gleafully
Gimme a reason to lose myself
in the spirit of the yuletide

People celebrating far and wide
transcending all boundaries and every tide
from this spirit nobody can hide
with this thread every soul is tied
On his reindeers ,santa would ride
and gift a smile to anyone who cried

While the shephards watched their flocks by night
they saw a bright new shining star
they heard a choir sing a song
the music seemed to come from afar
A King was born, the legend says
Jesus Christ was he,nobody else was at par

The reaths at every door hanging,
The cribs and the bells so invigorating
tell the tale of times fascinating
and the Krismukkah festivities neverending

On this auspicious day I feel
my soul blessed wih ultimate zeel
To offer my prayer i kneel
my spirit ,i hope,He would heal
In the pain of my silent revery i reel
Would the angels take me to a place so real??

And as everyone gets into hues red and white
i lie emotionless in my sleepless slumber
Ain't there anybody who just might
knock on my door and show me that light??
the love that would feel so right
and releive me from this sorrowful plight

A silent night,a star above
a blessed gift of hope and love
Joyous songs & christmas cheer
the spirit of yuletide is everywhere
"Bah!Humbug!!"-I would still jeer
coz i'm alone and nobody's near...

CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!

2006-12-12T23:27:00.000+05:30

Another of my lame attempts at poetry ...It seems now i'm gonna break all the records of writing most number of crap poems within 2 months...Bt still if u find sumthin gud,don't hesitate to encourage me to go on and break dat record!!!

In the morning full of sunshine
he wakes up to the sound of birds chirping
For every touch of the autumn winds felt so fine
he had no reason at all to be complaining

But compelled was he
To interpret those dreams
which in his slumber had made him see
valleys of flowers,snowy cliffs,fruit laden trees,
all things bright and beautiful,and free,
and flowing from the mountains ,evergreen streams

The moon so pretty
and beyond the sun brightly shining,
the oceans so mighty
and creatures great and small whining

He wonders why he can't be there
where the skies are blue and the fields are green
He wonders why dreams are never true
And why there ain't memories and moments so serene

Why the river always flows to the sea
Even though he's thirsty and broken
Can't neone see??
Or to wash away the tears with which his feet are sodden
as he fought for things never meant to be

With craziness perplexed
He sees new hope in every dawn
But he still feels vexed
coz in life's cruel game,he's just a meaningless pawn...

Angel!!(copyright-shubham khurana)

2006-12-09T16:50:00.000+05:30

I don't usually do it..but there's a first time for everything...I read this beautiful poem on shubham's blog and just fell in luv with it...nd somehow it also best describes my position(rather disposition)...i cudn't hv put it in better words....so here i am copyin the entire thing...well shubhi dude,i'm ready to face the gallows fr copyright infringement,but i can't keep myself frm puttin up ur creation here...But u can also consider it a free publicity...with all due respects to the masterpeice,here it goes...

"A canvas, so lifeless,
An artist, so lone,
An angel, he painted,
An angel of his own.

On the creation, he smiled,
His heart no longer at strife,
The last stroke of his brush,
And the angel came to life.

She gave him a world to live,
Emotions to feel,
She gave him a life to love,
Also wounds to heal.

A friend to rely on,
She gave him joys to share,
Times of his sorrow,
She always was there.

A smile on his lips,
Countless tears in his eyes,
Every feeling to remind him,
Yes he still survives.

She gave him a reason to sleep,
And a day to wake up to,
A kiss to set him ablaze,
Some magic her embrace could do.

Everyday he used to paint,
In blues and reds and yellows,
The colours of life,
Of love and sadness and mellows.

Till the day she became too real,
She had to be set free,
To teach the world to love,
And left to himself was he."

-SHUBHAM KHURANA

dirtynarcissist.blogspot.com

Everybody's in love...

2006-12-08T00:18:00.000+05:30

It was another normal day of the autumn semester break,when frustated IITians from all over the country decided to hang out at the colonial times' splendour -our very own CP.And when i say IITians frm all over the country ,i literally mean it,coz there were ppl frm as near as IIT Delhi,our very own IIT roorkee,IIT Kharagpur, to as far as IIT Guwahti...Yeah ,it was our fiitjee batch reunion which keeps taking place after every gruelling sem ends and every dilliwala is back here ...

We had decided to catch up at PVR Plaza ,although none of us was in a mood to watch a movie...I was travelling in the metro after more than 2 months ,with my earphones tugged properly ,blaring out the sweet voice of the chirpy RJs...After much time, i saw many beatiful maiden around me,but nah!! i reminded myself of my vow-staying away frm girlz fr some time now,though i know i wont beable to keep it fr too long..As usual ,i was the first to reach and instead of waiting fr others just idling around ,i entered a nearby music world store,after i had given up a call to every1 to rush up.After making sure that Westlife's new album had reached Indian shores,i browsed some other english music cd's...As every1 showed up one by one,we talked for a while(the usual IIT bakar,the gruelling end sems,and the sex-ratio frustation..) and then made our way to the nearest Pizza hut to have that usual pizza...After taking about half an hour or so deciding an ideal order so that we could eat well and still end up walking out without having to wash dishes ,we called up the by-now frustrated waitress(wer'e IITians,we take our frustrationwherever we go...) and ordered 2 meals for 2,and asked her to swap the soups with cold-drinks...we were taken aback as the chinky-eyed waitress replied in her typical accent-"we have lots of soups ,and they are very tasty...so we can't swap the soups!!!"Whoa,what a reason for not being able to swap those fucked up soups with the universal coke...Whatever,we sat again and put our IIT brains at work once again to decide something out of the box...only to come up with 2 familysized pizzas...We ate ,talked a lot about our very similar schedules(this is india-unity in diversity,remember???),about our similarly screwed up end sems,and many other useless things...We went out of the place after 4 girls had just rung the pizza hut bell,and heard almost equally enthu and polite "thank you's" frm thestaff...and expecting to get the same treatment ,we guyz also rung the bell one after the another...and by the end of it,we were standingoutside the door,asking each other,"Hey,didu hear any thank you's??" ...Every1 of us had a good laugh...lets face it,we were a group of guyz,and who cares to answer 5 assholes ringing the bell !!!We strolled for some more time at cp,wondering about unusual things,and throwing that occasional curse on the punk with a beatifulgirl tugging at his sleeve every now and then ...

I thought the day 's gonna be over widout anything eventful happening and just as me,along wid kunal and anirudh made our way to themetro station,kunal somehow jumped and wid a slow whisper ,said-"Look ,rastogi !!"(rastogi'z one of my best frnds btw) I turned aroundand almost spun 360 deg in an effort to locate wat kunal had just seen...and finally saw him on the escalator going up ,while we were going down...But the thing that amazed me and kunal was that he wasn't alone...rather looked really absorbed conversingwith this girl we didn't know....i mean ,i didn't know how to react coz he's the kinda guy who wudn't come to ur b'day bash if u told hima girl is coming,and would not say a single word to a girl until just a few months ago...But now a seat in IIT D had changed im to the extent that when i called up to him and wanted to talk,he simply said-"We'll talk later ,main ghoomke aata hun..."Even as kunal laughed,i was hurt ( wat wud u do if ur best frnd ignores u fr a girl!!)...and we suddenly started talking about how this guy had been transforming frm a no-holds barred teatoddler and anti-girly to a completely abnormally normal "delhi"guy -mostly seen around with girls!!Suddenly ,the topic of our conversation shifted to girlz...with anirudhh baba commenting-"yaar dont u think girls become too seriousabout every relationship...if u wanna go around with em,they would straightaway think of marriage,they would get senti on every issue,suddenly become too frank to tell ya about all da probs at home...and blah blah blah..."That was enough"pravachan "for the day...But he continued.."i had such an experience this year,and i had to dump her..." ,and the usual boastful self kunal ,chipping in withhis,"hey ,i dumped one too becoz of the same reason....",and even though as i knew it was coming,they both looked at me suddenly,askin ,"what about u"...and me not wantin to talk abt the subject ..."yeah...maybe....well...mite be...i dont know...",and the 2 laughingheartily,"poor you ,not had the experience till yet..."(hehe very funny...),and the topic dragged on till i reached my station...

I waz wondering once again..."
why was i chosen ,
why am i left without??"

As the old leaves fall in the autumn,
love is blooming on the barren trees...
And as i watch all this happening outside my window
I feel everybody BUT me...
seems to be so in love...

I'll Be There For You...

2006-12-05T18:00:00.000+05:30

This is for every1 and any1 who has bin there fr me,and will always be there,and fr those who matter.....

Someone sumwhere
is feeling lonely
Someone sumwhere
needs some company
Someone sumwhere
needs someone badly
But when it all gets too much...
You can put your head down
on my shoulder
for a little warmth
when it gets colder
I know ur'e there for me too
So i'll be there for you

When i needed some distance
to find another road
Coz its not so easy
to find another home
I was broken
and i knew it
But i just cudn't seem to find
another way
I'll be there for you now
As you had been till the end of the day..

There's a long road ahead
It stretches out for miles
If u need some company
I'll walk with you awhile
Your'e waiting for the change
Your'e waiting for the day
But now that you remember
I'll do whatever you say

I'll be there for you
i swear
Anytime you want me
i'll be there
Time and time again
Until you understand..

When u feel like crying
I'll be the tissue to wipe away ur tear
When u feel the need to talk
I'll be there to lend u an ear
I'll be your symphony
when ur'e surrounded by agony
and this world's cruel cacophony
I'll be your wastebox
when u feel the need to dump
all your pain and frustration
and in moments of triumph
I'll be the one to help u lift your trophy...

But just remember when it all gets too much...
You can put your head down
on my shoulder
for a little warmth
when it gets colder
I know ur'e there for me too
So i'll be there for you......

Memoirs of the 3rd Semester

2006-12-01T23:06:00.000+05:30

The end of another sem,
another milestone achieved...
It all looks simple and straightforward,
Yet every other thing i'm gonna say
is intertwinned with so many other things
which i won't ...

This was the sem that finally brought us back
to the stinking halls of the E&C deptt...
to the wooden chairs of the big lecture rooms..
And all that ,after comfort of the DOMS sofas
after the relaxed periods of slumber in the posh and airy hall.
One which brought us to new faces(read proffs)
and even those that r gonna suck our bloods
for the next 3 yrs...
One which brough many a conspiracies to the fore...
one where we had lots to gossip about..
One which introduced us to "counter-strike"
and the endless addictive nights we spent
either planting or defusing bombs
until we never knew it was the next morning...

I dedicate this sem to "people"...
all kinds and classes of people...
and the endless hours of bakar...
To the old "friends" who've faded away sumhow...
to the "new" ones that've made their presence felt...
and to the ones that are still holding on...
To the small community that we've created at rjb...
To the people who gave me a new nickname-"aupsy"
after all those distressing nicknames i had to live with in 1st year
To the endless hours i spent at nesci...
(fr that i'll like to thank my mom,dad ,my paltu kutta tommy ...
Nahh!!!I just wanna thank shubhi and preeti...)
Even though my first year count stands at 5 hours
(can't beleive it ...well,even i can't!!)
To the endless hours i spent bickering away
on topics far more irrelevant
than any important work at hand...
To all the gf-bf talk that i found myself thrown in
and to all the matters which i made worse
(my orkut trusty ratings say it all..)
And not to forget to all the profs
who reduced my brain to a peice of shit
and who forced me to read sidney sheldons and P.G.Wodehouses
in more than a given lecture...

And today as i pack my bags
I strut em with more than the usual stuff...
I take home more than just the inseperable laptop and mouse....
I take home memories(for the first time at IITR)
of moments gone by ,words left unsaid ...
situations went awry and the friendships that went sore...
I take home ...
all the luck that ppl wished me dis sem...
all the night-outs and skipped breakfasts...
all the chapos that i was entitled to this sem(surprisingly though)...
all the endless hours spent writing endless codes of C++
with the orkut window minimized and regularly updated...
the endless no. of holidays that we got
and the endless bus journeys we took back home
and with that the endless no. of muvies
seen on the bus T.V.("balma" notwithstanding...;0)..)
the diwali celebrated pompously
with crackers and diyas and candles and a DJ(and a lost purse)...
the thomso that followed
and the hysteria that accompanied
the groves and moves of melange and salsa
the MTV cameo wid none other than Braocha
the 4 days of of dj
and all the new moves tried and tested
the expected and the unexpected companies
and the happy pictures painted....
The b'day bumps i got
and the pain in the ass that i can still feel
And finally...with the end sems that screwed us royally
everything feels just so real...

Not to forget all those things which i did fr the first time at iitr...
Of course the 3-0 clock sleeping schedule...
The try at being the next sampras
when i could hardly hit the tennis ball to the other side...
The endless hours spent watching "friends" and "O.C."
The life with braces
which left me(the erstwhile Mr. thomso finalist... ;o)...) in titters
and the target of more than just somebody's jeers
The childhood prayers sung at school and
now after a gap of 2 yrs sung at the church..
The endless no. of b'day wishes..
and now even a b'day gift!!

From all the things mentioned above
and everything that feels so great
i head back
to the city of lights...
the city of the metro swirling by...
my city...saddi dilli
To have my eternal brownie
and looking forward to all the unexpectedness
that lies ahead in the bewilderness...

IF TOMORROW NEVER COMES....

Burning Hearts

The Incredible Indian

The House That Built You

Painted in concrete...

You Raise Me up

Average is the best...

Twenty Ten is here...

Once bitten, twice shy... not anymore...!

EIGHT POINT SOMEONE- PART 2

EIGHT POINT SOMEONE- PART 1

All (or something) about blogging

Sapno Se Bhare Naina

HONEY AND THE MOON

anything,everything.... for you...

FALLACY OF A FANTASY...

LET GO...

CROSSROADS..

~~Memoirs of the 6th semester~~

FAREWELL BELLS

KASHMIR.....

DREAMS...

THE ASYLUM CALLED IIT...

THE FOUR THINGS (tagged by Nishi)

OF BUTTERFLIES AND BEES!!! ;)

Divine Interventions ;)

Memoirs of sem 5th!!

Before we meet...

I'm Already There : A Ballad...

DANCE...in the Sweet November Rain...

MAGIC OF THOMSO 07

TAGGED BY KRITI...

DILLI KE CHAMAKTE SITAARE!!!

At the LIBRARY...

SINGING @ THE CHURCH!!

When September Ends...

TWENTY 20

Ahh....Sheer bliss!!!

SEVEN SPOOFS OF THE WORLD!!!

SANDS OF TIME...

TRAINing TRAVAILS!!!

A Criminals Guide To Courtesy

Go!! GOA

Me AGAINST Myself!!

||~Memoirs of the 4th Sem~||

ThE DooNY-TunES!!

SUMMER WIND...

The Revelation~~My Angel

GRILLED SANDWICH!!

Me Or Someone else???

ALL I DESERVE..

WALKIN IN THE RAIN.......

IF ONLY....

INDIA POISED...

If Tomorrow never comes...

CAN'T SAY GOODBYE...

MY PAST LIFE....

SWEET NOVEMBER...

SPIRIT OF YULETIDE..

CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!

Angel!!(copyright-shubham khurana)

Everybody's in love...

I'll Be There For You...

~~Memoirs of the 3rd Semester~~

Memoirs of the 6th semester

Memoirs of the 3rd Semester